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I'm in college and I feel like everyone is telling me to 'enjoy my years of freedom' and hook up and have sex all the time, and 'make the most of it'. Is it wrong that I just don't want to have sex all over the place just because I can?

No, it's not wrong. But I don't think that's what everyone is saying.

When people tell you to make the most of your college years, most simply mean that you should enjoy the social freedom and opportunities that college gives you, because you won't have this kind of experience again for the rest of your life. They're telling you to use this time to make lots of friends, date lots of guys, try new things, take risks, stay out all night, streak through the Quad, etc. Some might be suggesting you get laid early and often, but most aren't, necessarily. Nobody wants you to spend four years on your back.

College is largely about finding out who you are and what you want in life. Many things you learn in college (I mean outside of the classroom), many decisions you make there, will steer the course of your life. So, the more people you meet and the more things you experience, the more choices and possibilities you give yourself for what path to take with your life. The more choices you have, the more things you experience, the more informed and fulfilling your ultimate decisions will be.

In other words, college is the last time in your life when you won't be tied down with a job or a mate or kids or a mortgage. All those things are fine in time, but right now you need to get your ya-yas out now while you can. What those ya-yas are -- partying, sex, Greek life, square dancing, Bible study -- is totally up to you, and there is no wrong way (except maybe robbing convenience stores at gunpoint wearing a pig mask). Do what makes you happy, but whatever you do, savor your college years as much as you can, because you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you could live them again.

That is what people are telling you.

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6 Comments

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I feel as if there's pressure against being in a stable relationship. I don't understand what's wrong with me being happy and in love earlier than the rest of my peers. I realise it might not work out between me and my partner, but I'm not going to break up with him just so I can date other people as a life experience. It can get annoying sometimes! I can empathise with Emma.

No

I mean, that's cool and everything, but a lot of people just don't want another human being holding them back during a time when they're at their fullest potential. What if your dream job is in NYC and his is in LA? Then what? Not entering a long-term relationship in college guarantees that this will never be an issue. It's not always just about "dating around so you'll know what you want."

Cary McNeal

Do what makes you happy.

Daisy

College is a time when you have more freedom than any other time, I think. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. That doesn't mean you have to spend your time wantonly, but it is a great time to explore and learn and experiment. It gives you a chance to figure things out so that you can, with a little luck, make the right decisions in the future.

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I think it's gross the your friends are telling you to go out and have meaningless sex for several reasons: 1) you could get pregnant .... 2) you could get an STD .... 3) when you do find the right guy your number of sexual partners could be way up there and some guys might not like that ....4) you would be 'doing it' (literally) for your friends and not because you want to which is ridiculous with something so serious .... 5) since you dont really want to, you'd regret it later .... 6) You might get a bad reputation that you cant get rid of which might not sound that bad until you get it ... 7) etc etc

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I get this same speech all the time. Mostly because I really hate parties, I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't make out/have sex with everything that walks. Sometimes you just have to ignore it. If I ever tell my friends I'm a wee sad I don't have a boyfriend or I haven't been on a date for a year they just tell me to lower all my standards, pretend I'm not a walking idiosyncrasy and date whoever looks me in the chest (which happens all the time, coincidentally' when you have D's). My advice is to try to ignore it. It's really obnoxious, but the people you're talking to want you to be a floozy. Forget about it. Do what you want.

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