Well, you're not alone, since probably 99.98% of undergrad women are single, and most of them want to be asked out on dates. So you can take comfort in that -- or be daunted by the amount of competition you have. Depends on where you fall on the whole "glass half full/half empty" debate.
Either way, my advice is this: live your life. Instead of waiting to be asked out, find out who you are and what you like, and I don't mean in a guy, I mean in life. That's what college is about -- getting to know yourself and figuring out what you want from life. The education you get there about yourself is every bit as valuable -- if not more so -- than anything you'll learn in a classroom.
Sure, dating is great, but it's just as important to work on growing as a (single) person. Try new things. Take chances. Value experiences of all kinds. Be bold. Make lots of friends. Learn as much as you can. Share yourself. Challenge yourself. Fail. Learn how to pick yourself back up after you fail. Have fun. Make memories. You will cherish them later, I promise you.
You've heard people say that we find love when we aren't looking for it. That's because when we aren't looking for it, we are living our lives to the full, and there are few things more attractive to a guy than a woman who's out there carpe diem-ing every single diem. We see a confident, outgoing gal who's having a great time with or without dates, and we want to come along for the ride because it -- and you -- look like a blast.
I'm not saying you have to BASE jump or wrestle crocodiles to get a guy's attention. I'm talking about living your life, whatever it may be, and not really caring if anyone notices or not. Trust me -- they will, and lots of dates will follow.
So true! I love my boyfriend but sometimes I wish i were single to enjoy the crazy amazing college life of a single gal...however, its also true you meet the person youre most compatible with when you least expect it...for me (un)fortunately? that was early in my life at the end of hs....so girl, im totally envious of you yet happy at where i am at the same time! So dont fret and enjoy!!!!
Just like I said on Nick's post the other day, the best advice is to get yourself to where you are truly, deeply happy and you are living life for yourself on your own terms. When you do that, all the best guys will suddenly come forward wanting to ask you out. Trust those of us who have been there! It really does work. Have fun, first and foremost, enjoy this time in your life, and you will get back exactly what you put out there. Best of luck!
I can tell you what not to do... Don't hermit yourself, or become a shut in. You'll be amazed how few potential dates you encounter in your own living room. No, really, I was surprised as well! Turns out, that's not where it's all happening.
Go out, get amongst it. Be involved socially, and put yourself in places where you'll meet new, interesting people. You'll get to experience as much of life as you can, and the side effect will often become more interesting to other people. That in turn will make men want to get to know you. Then the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!
I'm about to graduate from college, and all I learned about myself is that I'm an unlovable loser... I'm not exactly sure how valuable that is. I honestly think all this advise is only good if you are attractive. Try going out and being outgoing when you're not, and see how fast you get shut down and put back in the corner.
I disagree, I think this is about self confidence and self perception. If you think you're an unlovable loser (which I'm positive you're not for the record), other people will pick up on that and avoid you. People who have self confidence attract others like moths to a flame. By getting yourself involved in activities and enjoying your individuality, you gradually build up your self confidence and make yourself more attractive without physically changing anything. It's a win-win scenario.
Well all I can go on are my life experiences, and they definitely point otherwise.
There's no day like today to change that, right?
"Try going out and being outgoing when you're not"
Well, there's your problem! Never try to be someone you're not. People can tell when you're genuine and when you're faking. And if you put yourself in a situation where you feel awkward and out of place, you're going to come off as awkward and out of place!
Do things that interest YOU. That way, if you do happen to meet somebody you're into, you'll actually have something in common with them.Take a pottery class! Sign up for yoga! Start going hiking! Learn how to surf! Learn how to knit! Go to a wine tasting! There are plenty of ways to get out there and live your life without ever setting foot in a place where you feel uncomfortable. You're only as unlovable as you make yourself.
I agree with Cary's answer. You don't have to be dating someone to be happy. Sure it is nice to have someone to share things with, but there are all kinds of things you can do by yourself. Seek out what you love to do. Try lots of things to see what you enjoy and what makes you feel successful. Find what makes you happy and what feels meaningful to you. Figure out what your focus should be and what goals you want to set for yourself. Men are attracted to women who are happy and successful.
The only thing I would add is that you don't have to wait for guys to ask you out. Don't sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. If there is one you've met who you are interested in, go ask HIM out. Guys have their issues with being shy and insecure too, you know. The one you are interested in may be thrilled at the attention from you. Maybe he will say yes and maybe he won't, but at least you will have tried and you won't keep wondering "What if?" If he turns you down, then look around and see who else catches your eye.
In the meantime though, find what pleases you. Some relationships last a lifetime, some don't, but you have to live with YOURSELF always! That part is guaranteed.
Take advantage of being single and do the things you want to do, when you want to do them :-) I've rarely been single and there are so many compromises I've made... I wish I had been single :(
What everyone said here is spot on, be yourself. If you are boring hermit, then maybe you need to reinvent yourself :P Be the girl who doesn't need a guy to feel like a whole person. The whole "you complete me" thing is kind of a turn off from what I've heard. You don't need a guy, but, at the same time, you aren't anti-men. Find out what you like. Watch Runaway Bride. That movie is great, it's all about a girl who keeps changing herself for the men she is dating, and can't find happiness because she doesn't really know who she is. Yes, it's a silly romcom, but I like its message.
Be confident. Confidence is sexy. When you walk, walk with purpose. Don't stare at the ground, the ground is where you are, look ahead, you are not only looking at any cracks in the pavement which might trip you, but you are looking toward your future.
Be bold. Be unashamed. Be silly. Be clever. Be intelligent. Be knowledgeable. Read Wikipedia instead of watching a sitcom. Learn about something random, you never know when that will be useful! Join a sports team or take a fitness class.
I'm not going to lie, it's easier to get a date if you are in shape! Of course, most of us are overweight, and many are obese. Taking a fitness class or playing a sport will be good for your body (stronger heart, more muscle to burn calories during the date, lower stress via exercise, more confidence by looking in mirror and being happy at changes), but not only is it good for you physically/mentally, you will also meet people, make friends, and have something on your social calender. And, you will make friends with people who -want- to exercise. Fitness is contagious, trust me!!
Be interested and interesting. What I mean is, be curious about life. You are interesting because you have your own hobbies, desires, quirks, loves, dislikes, etc. You are interested because you want to know. You want to know about other people. When you go on a coffee date, you do NOT dominate the conversation. Ask! Ask away. Listen. Really listen.
Attitude. If you have a bad attitude, check it at the door. Be happy. If you don't feel happy, before you go out, look in the mirror and grin and laugh at yourself (close the bathroom door so people don't think you're crazy though...) There's something about seeing another human smile/laugh that makes you feel better, and even your own face can do the trick.
Gosh, I'm writing an essay here, anyhow, it always amazes me when some people have trouble getting dates. There are guys for everyone, and I don't just mean a guy for every girl, I mean there are lots of guys for every girl. Even girls who weigh 250+ lbs are finding guys, so don't even try to use weight as a reason!
Good luck!
Thats the sweetest advice you can give to a girl in college. Thanks Cary =)
What an amazing answer! You're awesome!