What should you do? Absolutely nothing. Smile. Clap. Eat a shit ton of wedding cake, knock back a couple magnums of champagne, and cry in the bathroom. Wish him well. Congratulate his wife. Hope that he's happy. Because he's your best friend, right? His happiness is your chief concern.
I don't adore all of the girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, and husbands of some of my closet friends. I know for a fact some of my friends have not been thrilled with my romantic choices. But they were my choices. You have to let people discover truths out for themselves. This chick is a bitch? You suspect her of being unfaithful? Unless you have incontrovertible proof that she's dolling out slices of her fun pie or is actually an intergalactic insect intent on planting her eggs in your besties skull, back off. It's not your business.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back the way you want is hard. It's not fair. That's too bad. The privilege of loving someone is the only return anyone should expect -- at the very least, it's proof that one's head isn't firmly planted inside one's dark, cavernous colon, and that one is able to enjoy the very nice views life affords. Occasionally, even often, you get loved back. That is awesome.
If this woman really is a nasty she-monster, he might come to realize it, eventually. If he does, hopefully you'll still be his friend, and there for him when he reaches out. Until then, who knows: in private, she might not be a skeez and he might see something in her no one else does. Not your problem.
He's your best friend. So... be his best friend.
This is where women differ from men. I'd tell my best grilfriend in a heartbeat that the asshole she's marrying is a douche and is a cheater and whatever. Guys aren't one for doing that. hmmm.
would your friend listen to you? this dude is marrying this chick for a reason. let him be happy, and be happy for him. sure, she could tell him that his future wife a cheater but does she have proof? if not, she's looks jealous. I agree with John on this one.
Yeah. I agree that if you want to confront him you're going to kind of need proof, and you absolutely MUST NOT tell him with the idea in mind that he'll go "She's cheated on me..? Like a lot? Oh, I'd better find someone who won't ever do that, someone who I trust and have loved for years but in a different way to romantic love, but now I see that I love them oodles in a pants way. Let me marry YOU instead!"
Because that makes you a bastard. That isn't you saying anything with his happiness in mind. And the difference about being in love with someone vs actually being with them is that you have no idea about the icky little habits he has, or what a fucking pain it is to get him to wash up, or how his feet always smell so bad even just after a shower. Right now, you get to live in your bubbly dream world, where he's perfect for you and you're perfect for him, only you JUST don't realise it yet. Which is bullshit.
That said, if you're genuinely interested in his wellbeing and genuinely think this woman is seriously bad news, then as his best friend (NOT as his potential lover) I agree with Megan. You'd just have to tell him. At least it wouldn't get to a divorce and he partly blames you, the close best friend who should be talking about these things, for never telling him these things that everyone knew.
I'm with John on this one, after learning this lesson with a former friend and my sister. It's not your business. He will shoot the messenger. Stay. out. of. it.
Yea. You cant come between your girlfriend and her man. Thats girl code #1. And I think it would have to work the same with your guy friends too. It gets ugly, and they never choose you. So either way you lose.
I'm with John. It's silly for her to say anything because it's really not her place. He doesn't share the same feelings that she has, and that isn't his fault. He is with someone and she should be supportive. If anything, do not attend the wedding - that would send a major message.
Wasn't this the plot in a Julia Roberts Movie?!?!? Don't say anything and try to get over the guy. At the end you will still have his friendship and you dignity.
My Best Friend's Wedding....good movie.
My best friend is a guy, he and I actually used to date for a year and a half, but after finally deciding that we weren't going anywhere, partly because he decided to get back with his ex-gf, I decided hey, we'll be friends. Although I was in love with him, I had to swallow my pride and let him be happy with that...woman. No matter how much he complains about her, no matter how much you two hang out and the world is spinning around you when you're with him, no matter the sexual tension (if there is any), NO MATTER WHAT...you're there for him. Attend the wedding, because you're an amazing friend dammit. And if he ever decides that he made a mistake and comes crawling to you, just laugh in his face and tell him that he had his chance, but you two will still be friends, because hopefully you'll be married and happy by then :)
I think a major thing to point out is her very first words "I'm in love with my best friend." So... what, she wants to tell him that the woman he's about to marry is a cheating, using bitch out of, what, the goodness of her heart? If she's in love with him, her motives have to be somewhat selfish. It's just human nature.
I'm sorry he's marrying someone else and not you. But you're going to have to let him love who he chooses to love and let him be.
I'm gonna tell you a little story...
I dated this guy for a while who broke up with another girl to be with me.Then he cheated on me with her. Then he sort of went back and forth between hooking up with both of us. (Apparently we're both mentally retarded.)
Long story short, for a long time, I thought this other girl was the devil. And she thought the same about me. But when we finally came to our senses and realized the only douchebag in the situation was the one we were both in love with, we became friends. And she is the shit. She reminds me a lot of myself (ha!)
So as girls, we tend to get very territorial of our boys, and if another girl tries to take them away, we look for every reason we can to hate her. I'll bet you if you could set aside your feelings for this guy, you might be able to see what he sees in her. I'm with the player on this one.
how can u guys agree w the player?? this seems like a very hard situation and i agree I wouldn t know hoe to handle it either, but lets concentrate on this guy being her best friend and forget for a moment that she's in love with him....how could you ever let ur best friend marry someone who is cheating on him?? knowing how unhappy and terrible this could make his life in the future, as a best friend (if I had proof) I would definatley try to tell him. The problem is, I think, that she's in love with him and her telling him this possibly will not help that. Is there anyother way that he can find out that she's cheating without you telling him? cuz I think that would be a better idea.
I have been faced with this exact problem (except there were no feelings) not so long ago. Before being faced with it, I have, in the past advised a friend who was getting serious with a girl that she was not marriage material in the sense that she was trashy, slept around in the past and just untrustworthy. The friend told her and she kept his away from me. I was quite pissed about it since I was doing him a favour. In the end they broke up and all was good with us.
Now, with the issue I faced with my best buddy. I saw, with my own eyes, how flirtatious she was with guys when her b/f wasn't around. At one event, she was making out with some guy in a hallway. Since it was his fiance and I did not want to embarrass him (guys have huge egos) but still wanted to get the message across. So, I opened up an alternate anonymous email address and emailed him the particulars of her indiscretions including what to say to her to trap her and get the truth out of her. I also wrote the names and contact numbers of other third parties with no vested interest whatsoever in the email so that he could verify my claim. I included my own contact info as well.
He called me the same day and asked me if it was true and I said yes. He asked me why I didn't tell him about it right away and I responded by saying I had to exercise caution because of the sensitivity of the matter. He was a bit pissed but I assured him that I did what I thought was best and thought over it objectively. Knowing that we're rock solid buds, he trusted my judgment and thanked me. He then went on to set his affairs straight.
If your friend is going to make a big mistake, then it is your duty to advise him against it. What he does with the information you give him is up to him, but you need to arm him with this vital information. Whether you do it directly or indirectly is up to you.
Obviously, if you come on to him soon after, he's going to suspect something. Even if it works, you will simply be a rebound. Just be friend and I'm sure he will make a move in due time.
Reformed Player, I'm sorry but you need to grow back the balls you left behind when you "reformed". If you're having problems with testosterone, take some injections. But, for the love of God, do something because your stance on the matter indicates that you might have Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.
I agree that the poster is in a biased position but if she has the facts correct, then she should, by all means, communicate them to her friend. This will give him valuable information to base his decision of marrying a girl who could be playing him. What don't you get about that? We have to assume it's a material fact that his fiance has cheated on him.
Even if the girl cheated on a past partner, that is still VITAL information for any man who is about to take on a life partner.
And why is that vital information that SHE should disclose? I'm sure she heard gossip from someone else (unless she physically saw the girl cheating, which I doubt), let them tell him.
um. she's cheated on him. either confront the bitch and get her to tell him about it or tell him yourself. if it's an "all in the past" kinda deal, she'll tell him that. if he forgives her, they've got some things to work out but they'll be together. i can't believe anybody's "good advice" is to not tell your best friend that they've been cheated on by the person who's supposedly going to "love and cherish" them for the rest of their lives. that's bull.