Your man's limpitude is the result of one of two things:
Nerves: the nerves in his wang are subject to the nerves in his mind, i.e. the nervous system. He is new to sex, you're his first - and even though it's been three weeks, that's still a relatively short period of time to acclimate to boning. I remember back in the day my Funny Penis would not always stand at attention because I was too uptight, intimated, drunk or all three. A man's penis is like his emotional thermometer, a gauge of sorts. If he is trying too hard, he won't get hard. My suggestion would be to lower the stakes. Go back to 3rd base for a while, lie in bed and hang out on 2nd base for a bit, take a walk and share a Slurpee. When his nervous system catches us to his desires he will bone you like rock star.
Unless, this is a matter of...
Desires: he is 22 and had oral with both girls and guy. His sexual identity is still forming and his exploration has led to a penis in his mouth. Now, that's fine as fine can be, but perhaps he is more homosexual than his male/female oral ratio would suggest -- 5:1. Again, like nerves, wait it out a bit. Open some communication and see where things unfold.
He may have to make a hard personal choice in order to stay hard... or, maybe just some deep breaths.
It could have been his penes in guys mouth. I'm not saying that decreases his chance of being homosexual but that was the impression I got from the question.
Hmm. I'm not sure sexuality has anything to do with it. It wasn't mentioned by the poster as being an issue, just as another example. He's clearly bisexual, and it doesn't sound as though his sexual identity is "just forming", only that he knows that he's into both.
And that's not how bisexuality works. It's not like you can sleep with, and enjoy sleeping with women, but only to about 80% of the enjoyment because the other 20% is for guys. It's just not how it works, unfortunately, though it seems like a more comforting solution than he just doesn't find her personally attractive. But I don't think that's the reason either. He's probably just feeling a lot of pressure. At this point of the problem asking him and talking about whether he's gay is just going to make things worse. It absolutely isn't, but it can be seen as a challenge to his manhood.
So ignore the sexuality thing, for a moment. I really doubt that has anything to do with it. Instead, focus on the present issue. I'm not sure he would have gone down on that many girls if he wasn't into it, certainly not by college age. So it's probably just the sex thing that's terrifying him, scared he's not doing well, and getting himself into a real emotional mess, especially if you've had sex before and he hasn't.
It's good advice to go back to foreplay, and boost his confidence by letting him know when something he does is great. Also, while talking incessantly about the issue doesn't always help, you need to let him know that you love him, find him attractive and that this issue genuinely doesn't bother you, because he needs to know that right now. Lots of kissing, lots of cuddling, lots of love, and see where that goes. ;)
The more you worry, the more he'll worry, and the worse it will get. Sexuality should be fun. If it goes on for a while, say months instead of weeks, then maybe the possibly repressed gay issue could be talked about, as well as erectile dysfunction, with maybe a trip to the docs on the cards. However, and I know it sounds contradictory, you really need to put that right out of your mind for the moment and enjoy the sexual time you have with him, instead of worrying about it. It won't get better if you're both wound up about it.
Write a comment...
Just re-read my question and realised that it could sound as though I'm a guy. But no, I'm not, we're a heterosexual couple (how boring lol).
Thanks for the advice, people! I've talked to my boyfriend and as it turns out he's just anxious about his performance, thinks he might do something wrong or I that he will AGAIN go soft. Vicious circle, eh? We're working on it, though :) As Mouse advised there's lots of lovey-dovey things going on ^^
hi