A worthy topic for Thanksgiving day.
Gonna make a WAG (Wild A*sed Guess) that you are still on the younger side of the readership here. At least I hope so. Now, let's take your concerns in order.
Am I just damaged?
Nope.
Gay?
Nope.
Asexual?
Possibly, but I doubt it.
Is something wrong with me?
Yes.
What is wrong with you? You are worrying over something you should not be worrying over. Which is pretty stupid of you. Everyone's sex drive is different. Everyone's concept of personal space is different. For example, I detest being casually touched, even by my lady. Even by the kids, for that matter. Is it a problem?
No. It is simply how I am, and you are simply how you are. Stop looking at friends, TV, movies for how to act. Be yourself. Eventually you will click with someone.
You may just be one of those people that requires an emotional connection before the sexual juices start flowing... and it's much more common than you think. The only real problem is that you end up falling for your best friend, which can be tricky if they don't feel it.
A believe a questioner brought up a term called "Demisexual" which, like caitlin mentions above, is a person that must have a strong emotional attraction before they feel a sexual attraction.
That's fine - it's you, and you are wonderful.
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual
Why do we all have to pigeon-hole our sexuality? Can't you just say 'I'm not sexually attracted to anyone at the moment' instead of worrying whether you're hypercolonicmicrosexual?
I totally agree on the whole labelling thing. They tend to become self fulfilling.
I agree with your general point, but I've actually felt more comfortable and empowered sexually since I learned the "label" I fit under: heteroflexible. It made me realize that there are others like me who are "straight" most of the time but are occasionally attracted to members of the same sex.
I'd call that bisexual. A lot of people don't like the stigma attached to that word, but it covers everything from what you described to that goddamn Katy Perry song to having full-blown relationships with any sex. Heteroflexible, I mean it's fine if you feel comfortable using it, but I do think you should know that while you're saying "I'm heteroflexible" a lot of other people (particularly LGBTQ people themselves) will be hearing "I'm bisexual but don't like that term so I'm using a new buzzword for it". Which I'm sure is not what you think you're doing, but...
I honestly don't know why we need all these words for sexuality anyway. For years I defined myself as a lesbian, then fell in love with a man, called myself bisexual. Then discovered the word pansexual, and decided I was definitely that. And yet, throughout these relationships and stages of my life, it didn't matter one bit what I called myself, the love and emotion would have been the same regardless. And it is never anyone's business who you date and love and live with, unless you decide to share that with them.
Now I don't tend to use labels, partly because there are always so many new and improved versions of words we already have and partly because they don't do a thing to change how I feel about people, they don't enhance my understanding of myself. I don't need to know an apple is called an apple to enjoy it. In fact, knowing the imposed name for it, while interesting, does not help to understand my taste for it it in the slightest.
I mean, I guess I see where you're coming from, but I feel like you kind of contradicted yourself by saying that labels aren't important, but yet you think the label "bisexual" would be more accurate, going so far as to explain what that label entails. It's still a label, and I don't think that it really represents me as well. Besides, I'm not really worried if people in the LGBT community judge me, because really that would contradict everything they stand for anyway, amirite?
I personally think that labels aren't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, we need words to communicate, and labels are really just words that define a certain group. Sure, they can be tricky, but they're useful. For example, it's easier and more logical to just call someone your boyfriend than say, "Well, Jim is a guy that I hang out with and have romantically inclined dinners with and spend the night with, and we're exclusive, but he's not my "boyfriend." I don't believe in labels." It drives me crazy. Sometimes a refusal to just call a spade a spade is actually just a cop-out because you're unsure about what you're defining in the first place.
It's not a contradiction to understand a word while simultaneously not being bothered to use it. I know I'm pansexual, but sexuality doesn't strike me as being of anything of much importance to me, these days. I'm attracted to someone or I'm not, and it's no-one else's business, and so I don't care much about the labels. But it doesn't stop me from having been through the whole self-defining malarkey, and knowing what words mean while not being bothered about defining myself with them any more.
If you want to call yourself any name you like, because it helps you or helps to define you then that's nifty. Seriously, good for you. It helped me a lot when I was younger. It's very useful to have plenty of words to describe yourself, but there does come a time when you just don't need them a) because YOU know who you are and b) if other people don't know how to describe you then they're probably focusing on the wrong aspects of you. Sexuality might be important to you, but it doesn't need to be anything you define your true being with, like honesty or kindness or love.
My partner is my partner because he's my partner. That makes sense, it's simple to use, as is the word bisexual. Now, if I said my partner isn't my partner, he's my life-affirming long-term sexual buddy, then that's making it more complicated than it needs to be, when the important thing is that we're in love. That's how I feel about all these new labels. If they help you out, then go nuts with them. But in the long run, it just seems like a confusing way to say bisexual and/or pigeon-hole yourself into a very specific category that you might not be in five, ten or twenty years from now. Though you're entitled to see yourself any way you want, if you use words like heteroflexible or bicurious about yourself then a) a lot of people are just going to see you as a reluctant bisexual who doesn't understand that word incorporates you too, and that's their right as well and b) it makes your sexuality a way to describe you, when, in my ideal world, sexuality would be as unimportant to external players as your choice of sock length.
You are who you are. You love who you love. *shrug* I believe words beyond that make everything too complicated, too self-important, another way for people to define you that doesn't really matter as much as how loving you are or how much of a good person you are.
we could be the exact same person....except I dont mind the labels. Its all the same to me with or without the label, so why not keep it? Or not? again, it doesnt matter either way lol.
I never felt particularly sexual towards anyone in high school, or through most of college. I also worried that I was asexual, weird, or in other ways messed up. None of it was true.
Even after my first boyfriend and I got together, it took almost a year before I really felt any noticeable sexual attraction. I was patient, and, mercifully, so was he, and eventually my body just kind of woke up. I can't be the only person this has happened to.
What I'm saying is: give yourself some time. Everyone develops at different rates. Don't worry about it too much, and keep in mind that sometimes it takes being with someone for a while before it happens.
I'm going to go in a different direction here...and suggest that the asker go to the doctor for a check up. Sometimes a hormonal imbalance (thyroid or otherwise) affects libido, which affects one's desire to seek out a relationship. I can validate this from personal experience.
when i was younger (around 16, 17) i used to wonder why i wasnt sexually attracted to guys. i mean im definitely straight and i masturbate but i just wasnt sexually attracted to them. i thought maybe i was asexual. but after i got to know my current boyfriend and fell in love with him (at 19) i finally start to feel that sexual attraction. so yeah i think maybe its the emotional connection like what the first commenter said.
Mystery Man, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Dude, that is exactly what I wanted to hear right now. I'm going through the same thing, and it's been bugging the hell out of me in a huge way.
Now I can sleep at night. :P