Of course you should tell him it's not his. Why is not telling him even an option? Did I just fall into "opposite dimension," where everyone does the opposite of what they should do? Not telling him that you're carrying some other guy's baby is about the worst thing you can do. What, are you going to wait until the baby's born and hope it works out when he realizes that it looks nothing like him? It's moments like these when I worry about the future of human civilization.
You have to tell him immediately. Did you cheat on him? He'd probably like to know that as well. Where's the baby's actual father? Why aren't you telling him? Why is your boyfriend getting saddled with a kid that isn't his responsibility? Why does the other guy get a "get out of baby daddy jail free card" so he can go impregnate other girls all the while unaware that he has a son or daughter on the way? Why did you put yourself in this situation? These are all things you need to consider.
There's no nice way of doing this. You have to tell him the truth and hope that he still wants to be with you and raise a baby that is not his. Be prepared for him to dump you and want nothing to do with the baby. That is completely within his rights to do.
You sound like you feel terrible about this. Be honest with him; tell him you love him and want to raise a child with him. Maybe he loves you enough to try to make it work. Maybe he wants a child, and will be willing to overlook the fact that he's raising the offspring of your one-night stand (or your previous boyfriend, whatever). Honestly, I can't really see that happening, but you never know.
Have you considered adoption? (I assume getting an abortion is no longer an option?) It doesn't sound like you're bringing a child into a healthy environment. Might be something to consider.
You have to tell him immediately. Did you cheat on him? He'd probably like to know that as well. Where's the baby's actual father? Why aren't you telling him? Why is your boyfriend getting saddled with a kid that isn't his responsibility? Why does the other guy get a "get out of baby daddy jail free card" so he can go impregnate other girls all the while unaware that he has a son or daughter on the way? Why did you put yourself in this situation? These are all things you need to consider.
There's no nice way of doing this. You have to tell him the truth and hope that he still wants to be with you and raise a baby that is not his. Be prepared for him to dump you and want nothing to do with the baby. That is completely within his rights to do.
You sound like you feel terrible about this. Be honest with him; tell him you love him and want to raise a child with him. Maybe he loves you enough to try to make it work. Maybe he wants a child, and will be willing to overlook the fact that he's raising the offspring of your one-night stand (or your previous boyfriend, whatever). Honestly, I can't really see that happening, but you never know.
Have you considered adoption? (I assume getting an abortion is no longer an option?) It doesn't sound like you're bringing a child into a healthy environment. Might be something to consider.
That was a beyond amazing answer word by word. As of right now your pregnancy is affecting 4 human beings ENTIRE lives!... You, the actual baby, your boyfriend, and this mystery man. You need to grow up real quick suck it up and plain old tell the truth and deal with the consequences. Life is all about decisions and you made the wrong one by cheating on your boyfriend and you have ZERO right to make the wrong decision again and not tell him. I am getting heated just writing this comment bc just PONDERING not telling the truth is so selfish. You cheated, you got pregnant....and guess what ... There is a good chance both of these men want nothing to do with you... and now you affected this babies ENTIRE life..... you have a lot of growing up to do within the next 9 months because you are going to be raising a human being for the rest of your life. Do the right thing. Plain and simple you have NOOOOO right to tell your boyfriend it is his, this baby is your problem and if he is a good enough man to forgive you then he is a better person then I.
Perfectly said. Reading this woman's post made me so angry that she would consider not telling the boyfriend as well. Plus if she knows its not her boyfriends then he might put two and two together as well! The people who are "oh dont be so judgemental"...the woman is the one who posted this online for all to read (yes it was for advice, but come on this isnt the proper blog to go to for life altering decisions without any criticism..and if you think it is I have a magic 8 ball you can borrow too). This blog is about people's opinions and what they think you should do. From this woman's stupidity I think adoption would be the best choice for this poor child. Seriously grow up people, and stop being so darn selfish!
Tell him the truth. He has a right to know that the child is not his. You made your bed, now you got to lay in it.
ok, I am sure the question asker is not asking for some judgemental rantings. She made a mistake and she realises it and regrets it judging from the question. She knows that what she might be about to do us not the right thing or she wouldnt have come here asking. I say tell your boyfriend. If he does break up with you, then be ready to take that like a responsible mum-to-be. You want to start your baby off in the right track in life, not put them through the emotional turmoil that is sure to occur if you go through with this. I wish you the best of luck for what you will be going through.
Sorry, but in my experience, "not wanting to hurt her boyfriend" is code for not wanting to take the heat she's going to get when she tells him.
If she cheated on him, she already did the hurting. Now she's got to pay the price by nutting up and watching him react when she tells him what she did.
Sucks, but you play, you pay. Not judging, just saying.
Good night nurse! Way to make assumptions commenters...which rumor has it is the reason so many asses are walking around this planet...
She may have made poor choices, but clearly she is attempting to do the right thing. Throw her a frickin' bone! There is very little actual information on the situation, there is most likely a world of detail that we have no idea of and only a meager number of characters allowed in which to present the situation.
I fully agree with Nick that it is in the best interest of all parties to share the details of your pregnancy with them immediately. Whatever the reason behind you being in this situation may be, it would probably be very wise to find someone your mom, and aunt, a friend, but someone with a lot of life experience to talk to about this. These are not the kinds of things one should go through alone. Taking on a baby is a MASSIVE responsibility that never ends and at this point every choice you make should be in the best interest of the baby. But finding someone to walk with you (in the flesh) will help a lot.
I really hope the best for you and your baby, whatever happens...the circumstances might be really difficult, but babies are a very special thing that, if the best possible choices are made, can turn a bad situation into the best thing that ever happened to you.
I would definitely encourage you to find someone to talk to immediately though. Making good strong decisions is hard to do in the midst of emotional turmoil...especially the kind that comes with the flood of bun in the oven induced hormonal changes your body is going through.
All the best to you!
"babies... can turn a bad situation into the best thing that ever happened to you"?
Really?
The creation of a brand new human being is not a tool for manipulation of any kind. Your statement is reprehensible.
I think you might be blowing that statement out of proportion and taking it out of context. I don't think it was intended the way you took it. I for one agree that babies are an amazing gift that can bring unspeakable joy at the hardest points in life. New life has a way of changing one's perspective and making those directly involved choose better...of course this isn't always the case, but I guarantee you short of crack whores most new moms will do anything to give their child the best possible life...and even in those cases you might be surprised...babies, when they belong to us, do tend to make us want to be better people...then again, I might just be overly optimistic.
How do you know the baby isn't your boyfriend's? If I remember correctly, sperm can live up to a week inside you. The only way you can be sure about the baby not being your boyfriend's is either 1) You and your boyfriend are saving sex until marriage or 2) You two haven't done the deed in so long (I'm talking over two months) that you are 100% sure that the baby is Mr. Cheater Accomplice's.
You still need to tell your bf, but it might be wise to get a DNA test done to see whose baby it is, if only for medical reasons.
Nick is right about the less-than-ideal environment, however. It's worth considering alternative options at this point, because it's going to be tough growing up in an environment like that, not to mention how hard it is to raise a child in general, even when both parents want it.
This is one shitty lesson to learn the hard way. Remember it the next time your eyes start roaming.
I am surprised that many comments argue it is wrong to not tell him he isn't the dad. Sometime lies are good. Having said that I agree with the comment above that says your decision affects 4 people's lives. Whatever you decide good luck hunny bun.
"Afishlikeme" more like something that rhymes with fish, maybe that was harsh but seriously this is a child's LIFE and an innocent guy's life not a soap opera like you're obviously use to. This is affecting a ton of people, not just this woman who cheated on her boyfriend. I dont think lies will help this poor guy who now might possibly have to raise a child on their own and guess what...if the kid is sick and needs blood work done, or looks different then the boyfriend, or he gets suspicious, or whatever they might find out someday that this baby isnt his and that would be devistating to both him and the kid. Im not saying it wont be hard for her, or that what she did is that that unforgivable for some, but the fact she considered not telling him makes this situation so selfish.
The idea of 'sometimes lies are good' is for simple white lies like: "do I look fat in this?" being asked by a woman who just gave birth and answering "no you look beautiful" is good. Saying "hey babe Im pregnant with your child" when its not his child is closer to the idea of "you're a selfish brat who needs to own up to what she did".
P.S. Girls like you, and the original poster, make guys want to run away and never look back. Your 'little lies' are more like life altering, hideous lies that affect a ton of people because you only care about yourself. Maybe next time you have a 1 night stand and the guy refuses to give his number you'll know why...because I wouldnt want to be obligated to be a father when the kid isnt mine just cause I was drunk enough to sleep with you & you decide its mine 'just cause'.
However, the Maury Show thanks you.
The idea of 'sometimes a lie can be good' is more in the scenerio: "do I look fat in this" being asked by someone who recently gave birth and you answering "no you look great". The scenerio: "hey babe Im pregnant with your child" when you know its not his, is more the idea of 'you crazy, selfish brat who needs to own up to what she did'.
P.S. Girls like you, and the original poster, make guys want to run away. Your 'little lies' are more like life altering, hideous lies that affect a ton of people. (I kinda hope your boss or boyfriend reads this and stops trusting you because I know I would if someone I knew thought this way.) So maybe next time when you have a one night stand and the guy refuses to give you his number you'll know why...cause I wouldnt want to be a father because I was drunk enough to sleep with you and you decide its mine 'just cause'.
However, the Maury Show thanks you I'm sure.
I think you should tell him, would you prefer he realizes when your buddy starts looking like the kid when the kids 20, or worse... lol
yes.
why did you do that?
If you want him in your life, don't tell him. If you want to do the right thing, tell him. If you really don't want him to know that you sleep around, next time use a profolactic(spelling?). That way he won't know something's up when he's pissing fire.
OK OK..... calm down. hey mama. my name is kendra. im kindove in the same situation. me and my man have been together for goin on 6 years, hes alot older than me, but that never mattered. we have sex alot, he never pulls out. didnt think i could have kids. and about 8 months ago me and my man split ways(he left me) but we have seen each other everyday since. goin through weird thing. but technically we are not together, i love him so so so much. i would give the world to be with him and only him, but hes a man. and he does what he does, so after finally ealizing he must not love me enough, i started doin my own thing to just to get my mind off of him instead of crying myself to sleep. i let some of my family friends come ou one night to hang out. i ended up sleeping with my friend. no condom, and i was on my last day of my period. he came inside me, i thought man you better not have got me pregnant, a month later here i am, still chasing my man. and i just found out im pregnant, sounds crazy but i completely forgot about the night with my friend, so i was lil excited, i called my man told him, he came out yesterday to talk it out, but that night i woke up in middle of night and remebered my friend. so long story short, of course i told my man that it could be either or's. im sittin here now scarred to death. we decided an abortion was best, and if it was ment to be we;d have another one, that was for sure ours. so to you lil lady. hope you did the right thing, i hope im doing the right thing, right now, my hormones are crazy, and im so emotional, just trying to get the money for this abortion. i know i made a mistake by not wearing a condom. but i think things happen, just hope the best outcome for us all.
don't tell your boyfriend the truth if you couldn't move on without his help. you can have other baby with him to make up him later, he may fund out some day but not now, b'cos you have to hide it from him to give the baby a family and a father. it may not fair to your boyfriend but if he doesn't know it that wouldn't be hurt so much. if he believe its his he will to happy to raise the baby and to be happy to having a happy family. isn't it life is short, you never know the next.
I think the original post was placed there by the editors of this blog. Clearly it was posted to let the editors and guyspeak community vent some pent up anger towards their own "baby momma." Anyone wonder why a woman would post something so provocative on a guys blog? Well anyway guys I hope you feel better, now go back to paying your child support and get off your soapbox.
i completely understand what you are going through. i was dating this guy for a very long time and i cheated on him. i knew I was a terrible person. And i got pregnant. I didnt know if it was my boyfriends or if it was this other asshole. I felt more that it was the asshole cause he came inside of me. But i was in denial. I got what I deserved. I was an idiot and extremely immature. I didnt tell my boyfriend. Until much much later after the abortion. I was scared. I was young. And i was foolish. And most of all I was selffish. It was the worst thing I could have done not telling him right away and him thinking it was his. I hate living with myself. There really was no exscuse except for the fact I was selffish. I know you're probably scared. But it's the right thing to do and as hard as it is you need to. Dragging it out will only make it worse and make you feel worse. This man deserves to know. He may take you back but trust me it will take a lot of long conversations and tons of trust issues. This is one mistake, that sadly you learned the hard way. But when you come out of it, you will be an amazing person. I know I've changed my life around. And im the last thing from that. It sickens me to think of how I was. But do the right thing and tell him now.
Hello, my name is kassandra... i just found out i'm pregnant i'm 22 and and i have a boyfriend before i started dating my boyfriend i had sex with my ex boyfriend i am 100 % faithful i never cheated on my new boyfriend so you can't judge me okay? i am scared how he would react i love my boyfriend very much he is a christian and so am i
You made a mistake my ass! When a MAN cheats, its cause we are pigs, selfish, can't stay faithful, blah blah...but you cheating women can f*ck around till your blue in the face..and its a MISTAKE? You had a boyfriend, you didnt love him enough to keep your eyes from roaming or your legs closed, and even though you KNEW it was wrong, you still f*cked him AND without a condom, risking aids or unwanted pregnancy and THEN, have the guts to slink back to your husband or boyfriend and do HIM after, KNOWING you may have contracted some shit, or later find out your pregnant.
(Heavily edited, instead of being deleted. Leaving it up as you make a valid point, I am guessing from experience, but watch your language please. - MM)
You know you all say of duhh you tell him yada yada if you loved him ou wouldnt of done it in the first place but yall doing know what is like for her until your in her cituation okay only god can judge so stop being hypocrits ! no matter what she did told him or not she worked it out either way
The comments perfect, My goal is to utilize them currently. Cheers!
What a bunch of fucking sluts!!!! You made a mistake my ass! When a MAN cheats, its cause we are pigs, selfish, can't stay faithful, blah blah...but you cheating ass women can fuck around till your blue in the face with a stretched pussy, taking random cum shots in your cunt..and its a MISTAKE? OH yeah, cause you bitches are so innocent right? Fuck off!!!! You girls are some natural born SLUTS, just accept it. You had a boyfriend, you didnt give a fuck about, you didnt love him enough to keep your eyes from roaming or your slutty legs closed, got a firm grasp of another man's dick, and even though you KNEW it was wrong, you still fucked him AND without a condom, risking aids or unwanted pregnancy and THEN, have the guts to slink back to your husband or boyfriend and fuck HIM after, KNOWING your slut ass may have contracted some shit, or later find out your pregnant. FUCK YOU, you deserve whatever ass kicking, throat choking beating your man throws at you and you do not DESERVE to have a baby, for what, to fuck up the baby's life too? Hopefully someone will take the baby off your hands and raise it right, with love and teach some morals so the kids dont turn out to be a fucking tramp, cock sucking, cum swallowing cunt like you and any other girl who pulls this shit. WHORES!!!!!
It is simply unreal HOW MANY girls on here would NOT tell their MAN about cheating or affairs…how sick. It is your MAN that is stuck raising the kids born of your infidelity, your man suffering from the AIDS or STD you possibly contracted and gave him, your man working to pay the rent and take care of you. ANYONE who agrees that keeping silent is the best option, is more than likely stating that THEY too would cheat, and simply are not WOMAN enough to confess the problems and give the man a chance to forgive or walk away. Its amazing how many women are hard wired to cheat and cant stay faithful, YET, they are great at deceiving their husbands and using them for free housing, food and security. Nothing like having ur cake and eating it too, huh ladies?
WELL!!!! hi my name is jasmine and im in that same situation...........except me before i was with my present boyfriend my ex an i had sex and then we broke up then i ended up with my present bf and within about maybe a month an a half i found myself prego and i didnt know how to tell him that it wasnt his cause i loved him so much i mean i was n love with him! but now im finding myself to tell him i am even if it hurts me but then im mad cause i waited so long............so my advice to u is to tell him sit down and think of a gooooooddd way before u say anything....and for the ppl who think were wrong u gotta know that everyone makes mistakes and eveyone can fix them so dont think we messed up badly now because we have choices we just havent made them yet so we ask questions!!!!
im sorry but im pretty damn sure she asked HOW not if.. and how did all of your negativity find this person? well heres one for you. I found her googling. Your not alone.. and if im not mistaken by this point a congratulations is in order.
if you play you pay. what if it just happens? what if it was heat of the moment? god human beings can be soo judgemental..
ive been in a relationship for 3 years using the pull out method.. 1 day of heat of the moment and here i sit in my livingroom with my clearblue (complete with ovu. calculator) wondering the exact same thing this woman was.
not IF but HOW to tell my boyfriend of 3 years the same thing. Hes all my daughter has ever known as a father figure. so to rip that away is complete idiocy. btw. my situation not only effects 4 ppl but 6 if not 8 (both dad-to-be and i have 2 each previous)
bottom line is shit happens when its meant to and not a moment too soon.
im sorry but im pretty damn sure she asked HOW not if.. and how did all of your negativity find this person? well heres one for you. I found her googling. Your not alone.. and if im not mistaken by this point a congratulations is in order.
if you play you pay. what if it just happens? what if it was heat of the moment? god human beings can be soo judgemental..
ive been in a relationship for 3 years using the pull out method.. 1 day of heat of the moment and here i sit in my livingroom with my clearblue (complete with ovu. calculator) wondering the exact same thing this woman was.
not IF but HOW to tell my boyfriend of 3 years the same thing. Hes all my daughter has ever known as a father figure. so to rip that away is complete idiocy. btw. my situation not only effects 4 ppl but 6 if not 8 (both dad-to-be and i have 2 each previous)
bottom line is shit happens when its meant to and not a moment too soon.
He who is without sin may cast the first stone...
please remember that none of you are perfect in ANY way shape or form
some of you are narcissistic, binge drink, lie, party, do drugs, steal, cheat, throw up your food, judge people, bully them ,are 2 faced, whatever the case may be not one single person is free of "sin" .. when someone ask for advice give them advice.. dont judge them and be a hypocrit because that's what you are when you start calling them names.. it makes you a child, not an adult. my advice dear ones and to all that are in this situation.. remember that the right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do. I'ts scary and painful and the guilt alone I'm sure is enough to eat at someone's core.. but do the right thing.
my mother had 5 children and only one was his "biological child" but he loved each and every one of us with undying unconditional love.. and yes he WAS/IS and always will be a better man than MOST nowadays..not because he was an "idiot" or a "sucker" but because we filled his life with joy
and he had forgiveness and love in his heart
Ur stupied if u think he is gonna raise the baby with u when it's
Not his he is prolly gonna break up with u
Idk what to do I'm pregnant and I slept with a guy and it was a one night stand...now my boyfriend that I have been with over a year have sex a lot and we planned to have a kid..but idk if it's his because the conception dates add up from the one night stand and my boyfriend.....what should I do? In want to keep quiet about it? Should I?
My problem is with my boyfriend. When we first started dating, its was like the best relationship I have ever wanted. He was my best friend, my soul mate, my lover, my sex mate. The way we rely on each other, you might think we are married. But we are just dating. Now the thing is that for some months now I discover that our relationship has changed a lot. When ever I have some things bothering me I don't tell him and which he does the same too. My guy is the perfect man to get married to but I keep wandering what happened to us. And the annoying part is that whenever we are together, he always has the urge to have sex with me compare to before. Before it was always ones in a while but now anytime he sees me the urge always comes. We have been dating for a year and five months now. Am scared now because that was the same thing that happened to me and my ex-boyfriend which lead to our break up. My boyfriend loves me a lot even my friends and his friends keeps telling me am lucky. Valentine was great too because he took me out, we had horse ride also with swimming in the beach together, we took pictures of ourselves kissing, he bought me gifts and it was really fun . I love him too, but I feel strange about the sex aspect because I don't want to loose him. Although apart from the sex aspect, he perform his duty as a boyfriend but some times I feel alone to the extent that when I have a problem to deal with, I don't tell him. Some times a part of me feels like am loosing him and he is not making any environment for us to go back to our former selves. I feel the sex thing and dealing with things on my own when ever I have a problem is what is making me have some bad feelings about our relationship. I keep wondering if the love he has for me is still beautiful as before. Am confused here, please I need your advice.
Hi i think you should tell him or breakup with him if you can't bring yourself to tell him. Lies are never a good thing and it's infair he does't deserve that. The truth could come out and it will hurt your baby by thinking thats there real dad and there mum as lied. Trust me you made a mistake so you have to do the right thing and face up to your responsibilities just break it off with him it will hurt less than the truth.
Tell your boyfriend. Tell the child's real father. Sort it out now. Prepare yourself to accept your likely going to be a single mother. Everything you do from now on will be in the interest of your child, what's best for him/her. Whether or not you cheated, which is not clearly stated, doesn't matter regardless. That is an issue you yourself already know your in for with your boyfriend. He has every right to leave you, and your feelings come second if you decided to continue with this baby. I don't believe it's right that you have the joys of having a boyfriend, choose to sleep with another man, and then find out your pregnant and get rid of the baby because of your mistake. As people have said you have made your bed now lay in it. Telling your boyfriend shouldn't be a question!
That is pretty handy post! But i have some questions. How to contact u?