Wait, what?
For God's sake - GO SEE AN OB NOW!
Do you know how insane you sound? Not seeing an OB for months 'cause you ain't married? I don't care if you don't have health insurance and he does - tell him to pony up the cash pronto.
Your, and his, first, last and indeed only duty at present is to make sure you and the baby are OK. Besides, if it has been months, by the time you are on his insurance as his wife the baby will be 6 months old.
You want to get to know him better by moving out? That is total balls, and you know it. You gave him an ultimatum, to shape up and marry you or you are off. Admit it for what it is, don't pretty it up with fake language.
Yes, you have mood swings at the moment that make a fairground ride look like a child's toy. Yes, you are scared too - everyone is. Don't lie to yourself, and don't lie to him.
To him, as sometimes boyfriends read this too:
Mate, either sh*t or get off the pot. You said you'd marry her, do so. Or don't. That is your call, and not something I really care about either way.
But you make damned sure she sees the OB, and the midwife, and gets to antenatal classes and gets the antenatal vitamins she needs.
The little stranger currently stretching her stomach didn't get there without your enthusiastic assistance. A man accepts his responsibilities, whatever they are.
Grow up.
Sing it brotha'!
APPLAUSE!!!
Try the local Planned parenthood or free clinic for assistance.
Your #1 concern should be for your child right now.., quit f’n around with the other $h!T & go see an OB, NOW!
I agree with MM....and the others....YOUR first responsibility is to the baby, even if it means you do it alone.
Sad, very sad, but necessary.
Don't worry about what he will or won't do. Don't even worry about him, marriage, blah blah blah.
There is no better time than today to check on and monitor your baby's health.
You'll be glad you did.
Best of luck to you and the bundle.
I checked with my OB, because that was our plan, to just pay for the first visit, and the first visit costs a little over 700 dollars with no insurance. Ok, so maybe it was an ultimatum, but at least if i move out I can control my own actions, and he can't just decide to take MY car to work for no reason, knowing I can't drive a manual. At least if I move out I will have running water all the time and a way to cook food that doesn't revolve around a microwave.
I have been looking for a job, but I live in backwoods Indiana- the nearest Planned Parenthood is 2 hours away.. I feel intensely bad about it, but I applied for assistance from the state a few days ago, right after this question, and I should be on Medicaid in about a week. I have been taking my prenatal vitamins and doing everything by the book, I'm so scared I'll lose this one like the first one.
Thank all of you for the support and metaphorical slap in the face. Seeing it written down, it looks about as stupid as you all see it.
Not having a job is not a problem. It happens to us all. Our first child, neither of us had a steady job or health insurance. The PP clinic was about as far away from us as yours is.
We drove - well I drove, my lady has never had a driving license at all. 4 hours round trip worth of gas is a LOT less than the pay fees for seeing an OB privately.
I don't blame you for the ultimatum either. What you are growing in there is his responsibility too, and sometimes guys need an ultimatum to accept that. Sad, but it happens, and you seem to have drawn the short straw.
Not going to say moving out will be better - you will be trying to look after yourself at one of the most difficult times of your life, but, it is your call.
Going on state assistance - there is no damned shame in it at all. Sometimes, things happen and we need a hand. That is what welfare was originally for. To give a hand up to people who had bad luck.
Yeah, I was a tad harsh to you, I admit. I still will be if necessary. That is my job. To make you look beyond what you think you see to what actually is. And what is is he is not taking his responsibilities seriously. That stops now.
And hide your car keys. He has no damned right at all to pin you in place cause he knows you can't drive his car. Or, you could always learn in his pride and joy while he has your car for work. Ram it into a fence once and he'll never leave you with it again.
Good luck.
I like "I want to move out to get to know him better." WTF! (breaking into song) ...if you don't know me by now...
Well, concerning that, I really *don't* know him that well. I'm only 18 and I just graduated high school, knew him for a few years but not very well. He's 25 and he works for the school system, so we couldn't really talk personally all that much. But when I found out I was pregnant, my mom kicked me out of the house so I had to move in with him because I had no place to go, and it made sense at the time considering we aren't going to have it "taken care of," as my mother suggests. I've never been out on my own, and I kinda want to try it, but talking to you guys and my friends, it seems that would just make him lose trust in me, and I don't want that to happen.
Okay first thing is first. You are 18!! He is 25! If he hasn't show any responsibility now, girl it's not gonna change. My ex is the same way!! I have two toddlers sperm dontated by him, and not once did he take responsibility in trying to help take care of our kids. Look into HUD or all low income housing places and see what you can find. This guy who got you pregnant doesn't really seem to be the great caring father type, if he is taking your car instead of his own to keep you from going places!! He's the one that doesn't trust you!
I know you don't want to get your pregnancy taken care of. But as a single mother (30yrs old) girl it's a rough road. You are young and have a whole 15yrs to find the right man who will love and welcome you and the pregnancy you both created. If you have this baby a lot of things get put on hold. For instance continuing in college is more dificult, finding sitters while you work, making sure that you earn enough money for sitters fees,diapers, formula, clothes that they consistently grow out of, food for you and the child. Your fun exciting young adult life you won't get to experience due to you being a young parent.
I'm not trying to be mean, but making you understand raising a child is very difficult especially when you are off on your own. In Cali where I live I make 16.00 an hr. Pay 825 for rent gas is roughly 25-30 a week depending on the gas rates, electricity is 80, phone (iPhone) 100. Food for the month 100-150, sitter fee 150-200 (I'm lucky I have friends of the family I pay less than what they really deserve but it's what I can afford.) diapers are 100 monthly. But yet I scrap by paycheck to paycheck making ends meat and I make too much for most any assistance offered!!
These are what you need to look at and if indeed you can provide a life for the little one you are now carrying. If you can't then either put the child up for adoption. There are many women out there who can't have a baby and that to them would be the greatest gift! Not only that but you gave your baby the best possible life you could at this time could give them! :) that in no way makes you a horrible person and you won't have the guilt of terminating a pregnancy, yes you will feel guilty for giving up your baby, but now a days most adopted children once they are of proper age seek out their birth parent. That would make you 28 and still great time and opportunity to get to know that child you gave up to have what you felt would be a better life.
Take time and think what it is you really want. If you choose to have and keep this baby, how will you provide and make a life for this unborn child. The guy you believe you love and he loves you has already shown you that this may not work out like you hoped it would. Take care of yourself you have done nothing that I'm aware of to make you loose his trust! Obviously he has shown things to you that has made you reconsider to move out on your own! Listen to your instincts! Trust what your gut is telling you! It will save you heartache in the long run when you knew in the beginning!!