Well, you're already in danger of losing him as a friend now that you've crossed over into the "with benefits" realm. Sex instantly complicates any relationship. (Let's just say, I haven't gotten my mail in weeks.) People act like it doesn't, but it's a surefire way to make things awkward right quick. (Seriously, it was just a one-night stand. Can't we be professional here, Mail Carrier Rita?)
You might think that you're different than everyone else, that you guys can just hook up and nothing will change. But feelings always come into play, and now we're past the point of worrying about whether or not he's still going to want to come over for a casual evening of Wii and finger-blasting. So let's not worry about that. Let's focus on segueing this into a real relationship.
You could test the waters in the boyfriend direction. Instead of just hooking up, try to engineer a date night. Go out for dinner or a movie, then hook up. Have him stay over. Make breakfast together in the morning. Get him used to the idea of being a couple. Then hit him straight up your feelings, Paula Abdul-style. (By that I mean, dance it out.) Seriously, you've got to come clean at some point. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way. But swallowing your feelings and staying in this vague "friends with benefits" zone out of fear is just going to make you miserable.
What's the worst that will happen? The friendship ends? Maybe. But then maybe you take some time off from each other, and rekindle the friendship once you've moved on emotionally to someone else. Or maybe this will be the start of an amazing relationship that just needed you to kick its pokey ass in the right direction.
Thank you for the question and answer. I am in the exact same situation and completely distraught about it!!! Except that this has been lasting for 2 years and the man in question is now my best friend... *SIGH*. How stupid is that??
I told an FWB how I felt "Paula Abdul" style once. His response? "I feel passion, a connection, and a deep affection for you....but absolutely no feelings of fidelity or commitment."
WHATEVER, PAULA. WHATEVER.
This here is exactly why I don't hook up with my guy friends. I figure if he's been hooking up with you for a year then he would have made things official- but good luck. I myself would stop hooking up with him and move on and let my feelings go... it salvages the friendship AND you can find someone who wants to commit to you.
I agree that's a pretty good answer
I have been in this same position for almost 4 years and I just came clean and told the guy how I felt and he had nuthin to say. I'm so heartbroken I dont even know what to do.
I'm in the same boat. Then I went on three dates with what I thought was a nice guy and turned out to be the most selfish person ever when it came down to the sex. It was AWFUL.
Now I don't want to date at all. Screw that. I have a good thing going.
So now I have a much greater appreciation for my FWB. I even told him that I loved him (as a friend), he laughed and did me the way I like. Unselfishly.
Is it weird you have met a chap random, kissed once and then became good friends. Well is it that.. we share the same bed twice a week nothing happens a few innuendoes... now it is starting to mess my head up because my feelings have changed. Dont want to be the one that asks the questions but at that same time know that carrying on this is going to be a head screw!! What do you do? I never have laughed so much when I am with him. We laugh together errr advice please!!!