I think it depends on the person. Love is an amazing thing. If a guy falls for you, the gender you identify yourself as won't really matter. You might have better luck with bisexual men, but I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that a straight man would fall for you.
There are plenty of straight men in transgendered relationships. Often the woman (or the man) goes through a gender transition and their partner stays with them through the process. If a straight guy is with a straight woman, and the woman realizes that they self-identify as a man, does that mean the guy is gay if he stays? Or if the guy undergoes a sex change, but his wife stays married to him, is she now a lesbian? Of course not. It means they're in love with that person, no matter their gender. You hear about those kind of relationships all the time. Every time I hear a story like that, it kind of melts my cold, bitter heart. It's proof that love transcend labels.
Gender is an interesting, and often slippery, thing. You were a woman and are now a man but are still attracted to men. Does that mean you should date gay men? No. For one, they might not be interested. You should date whoever you are attracted to. Some straight men might feel confused by their feelings for you ("Does this mean I'm gay?" "Will people think I'm gay?") when, really, it just means that they're falling in love with a person and not a gender.
The important thing is to be honest about who you are with everyone. Tell guys, as you did here, that you were born a woman but now identify yourself as a man and are attracted to straight men. Sure, some guys won't be interested, but others might be. There are many dating sites for transgendered where you might meet someone. The world is filled with all kinds of couples. Gay, straight, transgendered-- we never know who we'll fall in love with.
There are plenty of straight men in transgendered relationships. Often the woman (or the man) goes through a gender transition and their partner stays with them through the process. If a straight guy is with a straight woman, and the woman realizes that they self-identify as a man, does that mean the guy is gay if he stays? Or if the guy undergoes a sex change, but his wife stays married to him, is she now a lesbian? Of course not. It means they're in love with that person, no matter their gender. You hear about those kind of relationships all the time. Every time I hear a story like that, it kind of melts my cold, bitter heart. It's proof that love transcend labels.
Gender is an interesting, and often slippery, thing. You were a woman and are now a man but are still attracted to men. Does that mean you should date gay men? No. For one, they might not be interested. You should date whoever you are attracted to. Some straight men might feel confused by their feelings for you ("Does this mean I'm gay?" "Will people think I'm gay?") when, really, it just means that they're falling in love with a person and not a gender.
The important thing is to be honest about who you are with everyone. Tell guys, as you did here, that you were born a woman but now identify yourself as a man and are attracted to straight men. Sure, some guys won't be interested, but others might be. There are many dating sites for transgendered where you might meet someone. The world is filled with all kinds of couples. Gay, straight, transgendered-- we never know who we'll fall in love with.
If you're shy about telling guys that you're transgendered right away, you might want to consider joining your local PFLAG group, or any other GLBTIQ group in the area. Then you can do some good, make new friends, and just maybe find someone you're interested in. :)
Good advice! Groups, and dating sites catering to the LGBT lifestyle are a good way to meet people and learn from people with similar experiences.
What a beautiful answer. I wish everyone was as open to love as you. Why people in this day and age still want to tag people with labels and dictate who they should love is beyond me. Thanks for making my day. Lisa
Wonderful answer. :) Love is love is love.
I'm transgendered myself, though more gender neutral than male/female binary. It can be difficult opening up to people, but if anyone has a problem or an issue with you and the way you choose to live your life, then they're just not worth having around. Surround yourself with people who have the capacity to love and care for who you are, and romantic love will follow :)
As a female person who sometimes identifies as a woman, and other times as a man, with a loving boyfriend, I say: No worries! :D Someone out there will be awesome enough to find you cool just the way you are. Good luck, people in the same situation!
Well, I think you should be honest with your romantic partners & not worry about your sexual issues so much. The right partner will love you for the unique & special person you are. I do think you should inform your romantic partners about your decision to identify yourself as male, so that they can make their own decisions. Some men won't want to date a woman who identifies herself as male, and some men will. The only way you'll find out is to tell them.
someone help me out.... PFLAG ?? GLBTIQ ?? LGBT lifestyle ??
i dont know what this means..
PFLAG is Parents & Friends(or Families) of Lesbians and Gays... Or something like that... Maybe.. You get the idea.
GLBTIQ is Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Intersex and Queer/Questioning
LGBT is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender
I feel like there are so many labels and variations out there now that soon enough, we're just going to give up and wipe the slate clean.
To me, naming a gender is a way of telling people what genitalia you have between your legs. That's it. It means nothing more than that. Vagina? Female. Penis? Male. Somehow, these words have come to mean do much more. Like wearing dresses? Female. Huh? Why? Do penises not fit in skirts? Short hair? Male. Um... why?
I'm not saying that you should be identified by your biological gender. I think I'm saying the opposite. I don't see gender as an identity at all. It's just a physical description, and has no more significance to who a person is on the inside than their eye colour or how many freckles they have. Can a short person self-identify as a tall person? Can a black person self-identify as a white person? Can a blond person self-identify as a brunette person? I guess with hair dye she can...
The more we allow our gender labels, or any other physical traits, to define who we are, the more we enforce the differences between people. Personally, who I am has nothing to do with what I look like biologically (although the reverse may be true- I dress, walk, and apply makeup the way I do to express who I am on the inside). I have a female body. I'm also emotionally distant, like action and sci-fi movies, can't stand cliched romantic gestures, never wear skirts, like working with my hands, drink lots of beer, have a bawdy sense of humour, can't cook, etc. My guy is always well-put-together, likes theatre, doesn't like most sports, doesn't drink, doesn't swear, likes to cook, and has a cat. So who's male and who's female? It doesn't actually come up until we're naked and horizontal.
Maybe I just don't understand what it means to be trans-gendered (although I've often joked that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body). I'm certainly not telling anyone else how they should identify themselves. I guess I'm just offering this question: why does your inner identity have to involve your gender at all?
It's not a matter of previously established societal expectations. I can only speak for myself, but for me, it is literally an identification with physical male sexuality. In other words, the male body, and, of course, male genitalia.
To answer your question: why do so many people bother labeling themselves gay or straight? The dealbreaker, for some reason, is often a person's physical sex. It seems that many people are naturally more attracted to one physical sex over another. Likewise, I find myself attracted more to male sexuality and find it more fitting with regards to my own sexuality.
It becomes problematic when we bring in preconceptions of what it is to be a man or a woman (as opposed to just physically male or female). I think this is what you were trying to get at. Maybe someone sees themselves as brunette instead of blonde and takes steps to change that; that's fine as long as it has nothing to do with preconceptions of what it means to be brunette or blonde.
I'll take your other example in the same vein: re:a black person self-identifying as a white person, that would depend on what they understand "black" and "white" to mean. If they're looking only at skin color, independent of the historical and cultural baggage, then it would mean that they aesthetically prefer light skin on themselves. (You could publish entire volumes on WHY, based on history/culture/etc. they might aesthetically prefer light skin, but let's assume that it is purely aesthetic, independent from all that baggage.) If they self-identify as white because they believe white people are better, or because they believe they have to be white to do certain things...that is where the problem arises.
The question to keep in mind is the motivation behind the identification.
It's not about societal expectations of gender roles. You obviously don't have to be a certain sex to dress or act or what have you in a particular way - I can only speak for myself, but for me, it is literally an identification with male sexuality. A phantom penis, if you will.
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My advice is to tell them. But then they'd prolly ask "why haven't you gotten the surgery?" And then you'll have to explain that. But good for you on being who you are. I'm in the same situation: FTM, Gay male, ect. But I do have plans for transitioning and that's probably hat's best for because you'll completely be who you are inside and out. But you can do whatever you want :)