I'm not sure where you got the impression that guys don't want to have sex with cute girls while they read comic books about football, because that is word for word my birthday wish every year.
If you're referring to a particular guy here, I'd look to other reasons for your current woes. Maybe he hasn't yet gotten the message that you're open for business, so to speak. Perhaps you could drop a subtle hint, like quoting Will Ferrell's "I wanna be on you" monologue from Anchorman and then whispering "but for serious."
Or maybe he's not into you for any number of unrelated reasons. Because I promise you, just as a general rule, men don't really HAVE a friend zone. If our best girlfriend flounced into the room one day in a bikini asking us to help her apply body butter, her friend status would immediately be revoked.
If a guy wants to get with you, and you make it apparent that that's okay by you, it will happen. It's like Field of Dreams, but way more pathetic. So if it's not happening, don't blame the friend zone; he's either just plain not interested or has no idea what you're getting at.
Friend zone is what you guys do to us. You're immune, at least until these sex robots I've been hearing so much about become socially acceptable.
Thanks for your awesome answer Michael. You're a total badass.
I believe you guys have a friendzone just like us girls do, you just either deny it exists or just don't wanna say you have it.
I'm a heavy girl, and I know that if I waltzed into the room in a bikini asking for a guy to rub lotion on me, he would probably be shocked, appalled and hurl on the carpet at his feet. There are things that can keep us girls in the "not screwable" zone, which is essential a friend zone.
One of the guys is one way of putting it.
as odd as it's going to sound, guys aren't only attracted to a woman's body. if a dame has confidence in herself, a man will pick up on it (unless he's truly superficial, that is)
so if you were to strut into a room with a bottle of body butter, and said that you needed it applied to places you cant reach, most men would be happy to comply, if you didnt think that you were disgusting, so to speak.
a man loves confidence. an ego is for girls that complain about never finding the right man. usually to the man that's right for them.
Sweetheart, as long as you smell good, they are game. No matter how heavy you are.
Blegh, I've spent a majority of my life in men's friendzones. Typically, yeah, they'd stomach sleeping with me if I gave them the impression that I would, but when it came down to his question of "who would I confess all my deep dark secrets to vs who would I date exclusively?" I always wound up being the chick he'd bitch to about cutting himself because his girlfriend didn't get him nachos.
So yeah, I think they exist, I just don't think they mean the same things as a girl's friendzone would be...maybe? Like, I've heard of you guys trying to stick your dick in various fruits (I actually stumbled across (don't ask how) instructions on how to heat up a melon in the microwave just long enough to replicate human warmth without being so hot it'll burn your junk off) so I'm not too concerned about the "will he hump me" part of the friendzone as much as, say, "how many times do I have to spend all day flirting with a dude before he stops asking for my friends' numbers and start asking for MINE."
Moral of the story: if anyone has a good heated cucumber recipe, lemme know.
I am afraid I will have to disagree with Master Swaim here. Men do have a Friend Zone, which can be just as hard to escape as a woman's Friend Zone. The Friend Zone is where you place the people that you just do not feel that romantic vibe for, but still find them interesting people to have as friends. Saving a massive change in the person (physical change, personality change, or both), escape is usually impossible. Although I suppose men might be more likely to accept sex from people in their Friend Zone if the offer is made. Though, that's more of a conjugal visit, after which, back into the Zone you go.
I think the confusion lies in the fact that there is a seperate zone that exists. The "Wait List Zone", I think I'll call it. This is the zone that a guy puts a woman who he's interested in, but she's unavailable (for whatever reason). Often times, when a guy is put in the Friend Zone, he'll put the girl in the "Wait List Zone". Basically, he's put pursuing a romantic relationship on hold, and begins pursuing a friendship. But, he definitely still has a romantic interest.
Now, here's where the trickiness lies. Sometimes the guy actually develops a real friendship with the girl, one that he doesn't wish to just throw away. I mean, we'll be rejected by thousands of strangers without batting an eye, we haven't lost anything. But, if we attempt to pursue a friend, we could possibly lose a friendship. So, if we are going to risk a friendship we value, we tend to want to be pretty sure that the risk will pay off. Which is why Swaim's advice of making sure you are giving a clear "go-ahead" signal is dead on right. But, remember, we can be slow, so it may take really blatant signals. The bikini and oil is not a bad idea.
Oh, and Courtney, awesome reference to Emo Song!
LOL! That is exactly how my bf & I got together & now we are madly in love 1yr+. We each found the other physically attractive from the get-go, but we'd worked together a few times on set, and got along great, and started hanging out outside of work when the show wrapped. It was "slow" at first (like 4 sporadic "friend dates" over like 3-4 months, lol) but it worked out better that way in the end. (He's pretty picky about what's possible gf material, so he waited forever before making any real moves. And I had just finished dating a guy that was controlling & douchey, so I didn't wanna rush into anything anyway.) Point is, by the time he finally told me how he felt, he knew I:
- Am an IT nerd
- Like Biggie (his favorite rapper)
- Am obsessed with video games
- Pig out on food w/my hands & no plate/utensils/napkins (lol)
- Love Will Ferrel (amongst others)
- Love Super Heros (movies, cartoons, T-shirts, doesn't matter)
- Hate beer, sports, live bands, & smoking... and so does he. (Yes, he is a straight male that hates the taste of beer and has no interest whatsoever in sports of any kind, lol. I have not found a way to make copies of him, but I'm working on it.)
All somewhat dorky things we probably never would have known if we'd first gotten to know each other under typical "dating" circumstances. So I would think, if he finds you physically attractive at all, your "comic book" characteristics would only appeal to him even more, rather than put you in the friend zone. But that's just me :)
Yeah, I understand the dissenting opinions here. To clarify, my point wasn't that men will sleep with any girl. Although to be fair, comedians are contractually required to treat men as sex-crazed meatheads and women as emotional shopaholics.
My point was just that, generally, men are far more willing to upgrade a girl from friend to girlfriend than women are, and, more importantly, are almost continuously aware of whether they're sending singals to the women in their lives. To my mind, being stuck in the friend zone is when you're a lovestruck sap and the object of your affection has no inkling that you're even interested.
For whatever reason, girls seem totally able to carry on involved relationships with men who are in love with them without realizing it. Guys less so, at least in my experience. Guys will just categorize every woman they know as bangable or not, which is arguably worse, and, as much as I hate to say it, often only maintain friendships with women that they hope one day to bang.
Yes, that's an over-generalization, but no, not by as much as you'd hope.
Hold on there Funny man. Have you forgotten that some girls actually TELL their guy friends they are in love with them? It's a scenario that happens all too often. Lemme explain through dialogue
Ann: Jim, I need to tell you something.
Jim: Sure Ann, what is it?
Ann: I.. I've liked you since we gotten so close.
Jim: Oh I like you too Ann
Ann: As more than a friend? Like like?
Jim: Oh..No.. uh.. As a friend. You see, if I DID like you and we went out that would ruin the friendship. It would make it awkward.
Ann: oh..
Jim: Sorry Ann.. I just can't
So even if a girl did show the interest, there's a high chance she'll be rejected just like that. For the "better of the friendship" Care to explain?
He doesn't wanna fuck Ann. The end.
Oh, that totally happens the other way around too.
I agree. Pretty much every guy I'm "friends" with I know has me on his bangable list but I keep them in the friendszone because I like to abuse the power that God gave me.
It's tough to hear that men will often only stay friends in order to be close in case spontaneous sexing happens, although my father has been telling me that fact since I was fourteen.
I think Swaim's point is entirely valid because there is a large disparity between a man and a woman's friend zone: a woman will keep a man in the friend zone even if he is bangable, possibly because she doesn't want to lose him as a friend. For a man, though, a bangable female friend almost always has the option to upgrade to a sexual relationship.
This was a really interesting column. I'm having a hard time thinking of a single male friend that wouldn't have sex with me if the opportunity arose, but I would never have thought of them in that context (while sober). Thanks for telling it like it is, Swaim.
O_O Now I am thinking about it too.
I have a guy friend who is gay... so he doesn't count, although he did admit to 'liking' me (what does that even mean in terms of a gay male?) but only because he was trying to convince himself that he was bi and not fully gay. Now we are a lot less close, I guess I've gotten kicked off the list!!!
There is one guy friend who I truly believe would not have sex with me. 1)because he's very religious and 2) because he's... he's almost racist against people who are not asian. And he's not even asian himself! But he'll only date them, and he only wants to be friends with them. Except for me I suppose, but that's because I don't mind listening to him go on and on about how much he hates Canada and wants to move to Taiwan.
Other than that I don't have any other guy friends... Awwww, so unwanted.
I love that you wrote your entire analysis out, and what you're saying is so true -- unless the guy friend has a trait that takes him out of the sex-pool (sexual orientation or availability, religion is a new reason to me but the asian-obsession is not), then it's probably likely that he would take you up on a spontaneous sex offer. It doesn't seem likely to me that women would accept the same offer from guy friends.
I don't have too many guy friends either, sometimes guys just don't fit in either zone, you know? Usually because they're skeezy.
as odd as it's going to sound, guys aren't only attracted to a woman's body. if a dame has confidence in herself, a man will pick up on it (unless he's truly superficial, that is)
so if you were to strut into a room with a bottle of body butter, and said that you needed it applied to places you cant reach, most men would be happy to comply, if you didnt think that you were disgusting, so to speak.
a man loves confidence. an ego is for girls that complain about never finding the right man. usually to the man that's right for them.
ps, most guy's i know would find Velma Dinkley hot. yeah i looked up yer profile.
I'd tap Velma. She's smart and has the ability to get out of sticky ghost situations. When it comes down to it, she's the one who keeps the gang from getting killed by crazy people in fake masks.
Regardless of how she looks, she's got pizzaz. That's hot.
Hhahah I love the scooby Do reference.
What if you're in the friendzone with someone you've slept with already.
Example
My ex and I are pretty close...he has a gf, but we still hang out a lot without other people around. While I'm not seeing anyone and he loves his gf, I really don't think I'm on wait list...am I?