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Is a year of dating too soon to start asking questions about our future? I'm 25, my boyfriend is 30. I want to get married and have kids someday, just not right now. By all indications those do not seem to be priorities to him now or later on. How do I know if we're on the same page without making him feel pressured?

I don't consider it pressuring to ask him after a year of dating what his long-term plans might be. It's not like you're pushing him to do anything right now. Like you say, you just want to know if you are both on the same page about the future. You want information, not a decision.

If you were 21, I might answer differently. If you had only been dating a few months, my answer would certainly be different. But you are 25 and you have given him a year of your life, so I think you have every right to ask him where you're headed. If you want a marriage and kids and he doesn't, it's only fair that he fess up now so you can decide how to proceed.

It's not too soon to ask. He may not have a definitive answer, but you can certainly discuss it, and should.

Thanks for the question.

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3 Comments

silkysly

You definitely owe it to yourself to know….

Erin Marie

Maybe this is just me, but I figure out what a guy wants out of life pretty much within the first month. Life is too short to find out a year in that he wants 10 kids and you want none, or he wants to live abroad and you don't want to leave the state, let alone the country.

chrissie1101

yep copy that to Cary and the commenters, you have a right to know, it's your life too. but i know why you are concerned, thats normal too. the way i asked my boyfriend to alleviate that pressure was "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" he tried to joke it off at first and said "what is this, a job interview?" i smiled and said, not per se, but theoretically you are potentially interviewing for one of the most important positions in my life soooooo.....where do you see yourself in 5 years?" his "recruitment" went to the next stage lol

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