Yes, it is all right. Better than all right, in fact.
Affection is a beautiful thing. You are in love and you want to express it--more power to you. I don't think displays of affection make someone seem clingy. To me, clingy is a figurative term, anyway, more emotional than physical. I think of clingy as someone who relies on her partner to meet every need and has trouble being apart from him, not necessarily someone who can't keep her hands off him. (If she does it in public for show, that's a different animal; I'm not talking about PDA here.)
The human body needs touch; we thrive on it and suffer without it. I'm sure you've heard the stories of babies in orphanages who develop physical and psychological problems due to deprivation of human touch. Some refer to this as skin hunger, and it's a real condition. Studies have also shown that premature babies who are held and massaged by human hands grow faster than those who get less touch.
My opinion is this: if you feel something, show it. If your heart tells you to be affectionate, be affectionate, in word and in deed, openly and proudly and with gusto. Yes, you risk looking like a fool, but if you get in the habit of suppressing yourself, you will miss out on a lot of joy in life. Affection also comes back to you: the more you give, the more you get.
Consider this: how many times have you heard someone who lost a loved one unexpectedly say, "I'm so glad I gave him a hug that morning and told him I loved him"? How many people do you think lie on their deathbed and say, "Man, I wish I hadn't been so affectionate with the people I love?"
Some people will say they don't like affection, and your guy might be one of these. Unless he's Rain Man or a severe germophobe and recoils at the slightest touch, do it anyway. Persistent affection can break down the crustiest of crusties, and they're the ones who need it the worst. If he insists that you tone down your touchy-kissy urges, you might consider if you two are physically compatible.
Thanks for the question.
Thank you so much for this answer, Cary!!!! I have been facing a lot of rejection from my ex boyfriends for beeing affectionate towards them (I am very affectionate to everyone I really like/love). It's like they did not really like to be touched. Always made me feel like a stupid clingy little monkey, always thought something is wrong with me. Now I see. Never again I am going to waste my time and love on some icecold jerk, who does not appreciate the way I am!
Glad to help, LB. There is nothing wrong with you. You sound to me like a very sweet girlfriend.
Yay! Everyone needs to know that. Affection is an amazing thing. Human touch is needed whether you know it or not. It can be calming, loving, reassuring and healthy! It can be a huge mood lifter.
Cary, thanks for this answer. I totally agree! I've been here, too. Affection and touching are awesome!
Oh man, I love this part of the relationship. It's so fun and exciting. You learn so much about each other. This is the epitome of actions speaking louder than words. Have fun!
This was a great answer, thanks Cary.
Good answer. xoxo
I disagree. Research shows that as a relationship progresses, the woman initiates most of the physical contact. For most of us, this feels unpleasant, like we're doing the chasing. I recommend some subtler come-and-get-me signals (eye contact, a smile, etc) rather than sticking your tongue down his throat. This also means that if he doesn't happen to be in the mood, you don't get your feelings hurt. I think it's sexy to initiate every one in a while, because it makes him feel wanted. But I think this should be the small minority of the time, and that you have to hold back a little sometimes. Once you get good at throwing out the signals, you'll pretty much be getting all the physical contact you want, without dampening his hunting instinct.
............isn't the fact that women give hints instead of saying what they really feel one of the biggest guy complaints? If she's touchy feely, she shouldn't have to repress it. (In the same context of Cary's answer.)
I would side with Jessica - little mystery and playfulness never hurt. Everything is good in moderation. Freedom of expressing ourselves does feel good but in a relationship we should be considerate of other people feeling too.
I would have to disagree with Jessica. The come and get me signals ARE signs of affection. A guy that does not want the affectionate touches/looks are a red flag that the relationship is on a slippery slope. (hand holding, hugs, smile, peck on the lips with an I love you when parting, etc...) Tongue down throat is what Cary lists as PDA. That is something no one wants to see in public, and would make any guy uncomfortable if that is what his girl was trying to do.
To me, what you describe is the kind of calculated game-playing and lack of communication that gets relationships in trouble. If you feel something, show it. If he rejects you repeatedly, then move on. That's a lot more honest and a lot easier than withholding affection in favor of subtle clues, then having to wonder if he didn't respond because he didn't pick up on your little cues or if he's just not into you.
I agree that a little mystery is good in a relationship, but there is nothing mysterious or playful about withholding affection or trying to manipulate a guy into making the first move.
Disagree. Research shows that men tend to initiate touch less as a relationship progresses, and I think you initiating will exacerbate this phenomenon. Learn to master eye contact and smiling and let him come to you.
HaHaHa! I am going through the same thing as the asker... And it's my first relationship. I'm glad to know I'm normal.