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Is it bad that my friends think my perfect mate is Atilla the Hun? I'm really crunchy on the outside but soft inside. Can any man think deep enough to see that?

I'll say is bad. Do you realize how short he was? And from what I hear (through some SERIOUS hear say - we're talking at least 1500 years worth) he wasn't much of a looker either.

But I assume your friends are referencing his notoriously cruel demeanor and insatiable desire for plunderous accumulation. Or in your case, I suppose they just mean that you come off as very mean (by the way, I have no idea what "crunchy" means in this case) or unapproachable and rude, or something.

If that's the case then the answer is pretty much no. Look, NO man, not even Attila himself would have wanted to deal with a woman with a Andre the Giant sized attitude. It's the leading turn-off right behind "looks like Hedo Turkoglu". In order for a man to even approach most women, he needs to feel like he has a fighting chance. Of course, some of the biggest players on the planet always think that they have a chance so perhaps some slick talker will see you as a challenge. But chances are that challenge is getting the mean heffa in bed, not down the aisle.

Even more, what good is being soft on the inside if you have to eat a pinecone to find out. I'd rather just eat a Twinkie and save myself the dental bill and painful memories.

By the way, what is this "deep enough to see that" non-sense? Deep enough to see past your rough and tough exterior? Who wants to deal with that? Ever. If we're going to war then yeah, I want my woman to be tough as nails and solid as a rock (rock...rock...). However, I'm ALSO not interested in going to war so I prefer to meet women who seem like they don't eat people.

It was written.

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14 Comments

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How funny - No, I'm very soft, I'm just a career woman, used to taking care of everything on my own. Would appear men need women who need them - I don't. I would love to find someone who isn't afraid of me. I'm not a B but I also don't deal with people who want to change me or need a mommy. I'm not a therapist!!!

I'm a shark at work but that's the ONLY area I'm competitive in. The rest of the time, I just want a partner who doesn't mind if their girl takes control of a situation should the need arise. I just don't want to be the one changing tires the rest of my life.

Panama Jackson

actually, from that description, you're either the ideal woman, or a robot.

MaggieG

I totally get where you're coming from Sarah. I'm an independent woman and pretty strong willed. I've kinda painted myself into a corner with this persona and when it comes to guys, I don't know how to show the softer, vulnerable side of me. It seems weak and weak I'm not.

I look at it this way, I don't need a man to take care of me, so when I show interest in a guy, he should know I really like him/want to be with him and not want him for his bank account or anything like that.

It's just hard to break out of my old pattern of taking the lead, asking the guy out, etc. I want to feel like the girl for a change.

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Ladies, I am SO with you on this because this was me all the way until I realized I could have my cake and eat it, too. What I've learned is that when I am working, I am in charge and people depend on me to get things done, so I am kind of in a "male" mode.

In a relationship, though, I prefer to be "female"; the one who gets asked out, has doors opened and coats put on for her, and has the details taken care of by a guy, because it just feels good.

I let guys know up front that even though I am independent and can do anything for myself, that I like it if they take charge when I let them know what I want.

After a day of making decisions, I just want to relax, be cute, and enjoy myself. And I don't think that makes me weak, I think that makes me a woman who knows how to appreciate the skills a man has to offer. It's VERY 21st Century...

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And, yeah, good answer, Panama. Tough to swallow, but real.

creamnsugar65

It's nice to see I'm not the only one who has difficulty with "showing the softer side of me".

Sarahthedog

Yep, I either get the ones that need a mommy or try to conquer me by taking care of me which I find smothering and annoying, or the ones that can't take my career woman side.

I'd just like to find a man comfortable enough in his own skin to let me be me, he can be him and we click. Sounds easy - right?

I'm a very giving person but I'm used to taking care of myself. I tripled my x-husbands salary and it was like he felt he was in competition with me on everything. Even bragged about beating me at a foot race.

Ellen

Absolutely can sympathize.

In the meantime, does anybody else have an ad on the sidebar for how to make grilled cheese? Because I think that is hysterical.

I love guyspeak.com

what they describe as Leo is on point at least about me. Honestly I am a tough ass nail and people always think I'm a B and like what a lot of other people say, i am also extremely soft on the inside. I don't like any sign of weakness in me or others. I hate that crying mess, most girls do.

I get what this guy is saying, "what good is being soft on the inside if you have to eat a pinecone to find out. I'd rather just eat a Twinkie and save myself the dental bill and painful memories." I can see the logic and and it makes a lot of sense.

But god damn it's so annoying. I can't help who I am, I try to be smiley but it just makes my jaw hurt. It used to hurt me ALOT when people called me mean and rude and all kinds of stuff, I hated myself cuzz I wasn't like all the other girls. But I quit that, it just makes me meaner and frankly I don't give a rats tail if people think I'm mean. I figure if you think I'm rude or what ever then you and me just ain't meant to be around each other. Your fine the way you are and I'm fine the way I am. Nobody HAS to talk to anybody.

I find that guys avoided me, shoot nobody likes you if you don't like yourself first. If your tough on the outside and soft on the inside I say love it shoot embrace it. Be confident in your ability to be by urself and guys will be drawn to the confident tough sexy chick who can handle her own. Be yourself and not what you THINK guys want you to be. If your soft on the inside it'll show

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People are always saying this about me =/ Does the Girls' BFF have any advice on behaviour that is definitely a no-no in front of a guy a girl likes?

Panama Jackson

"I look at it this way, I don't need a man to take care of me, so when I show interest in a guy, he should know I really like him/want to be with him and not want him for his bank account or anything like that."

he should know? you're asking a lot there don't you think? dating is all a game anyway. we're trying to figure out how much trust to give and emotion to share. saying he should just know is kind of unfair b/c most people need to hear things in order to feel secure in a relationship. besides, a lot of women DO want men for those reasons. not saying you don't have a legit gripe, but i do think its a bit shortsighted to think that a man will just know that you only need him for...hmm...what DO you need him for?

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I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this site. Keep up the wonderful work.

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Greet stuff thank yo for the information

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Hello! I really dont post comments until today. You have plausible points, but readers be careful - to be safe, do not believe everything you read in the web. If you find a post in one forum, try and observe some more. It's always safer to analyze articles from various sources, ponder on them, and then choose which one to trust. Greetings from Faroe Islands!

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