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Is it guy's job to hunt & conquer and women's job to accomodate and accept whoever decides to pick her?

I, uh...wow. Please tell me this isn't something somebody is trying to teach you.

It's not a man's job to "hunt and conquer". True, guys are generally the one who initiate things by asking women out, but that's more a social convention at this point than anything else. I wouldn't call that "hunting", anymore than I'd call finding a mutually rewarding relationship "conquering". Conquest is really not the goal here, unless the guy is kind of a douche.

Similarly, if a woman is being asked out by nobody but douchebags, she's got every right to turn them down and find a place where men don't act like tools (regular readers might notice my emphasis on activities that lack alcohol: shockingly, meeting people sober tends to lead to better relationships and fewer regrets).

A vagina doesn't make you a doormat, or unable to choose the direction of your own life. Whoever told you it does is an idiot: it's about as far from a healthy relationship as you can get.

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8 Comments

snakearms

It is definitely better in general (not always) to let men chase you. But when a man makes you an offer YOU choose whether to accept or reject him. If you are so eager for someone to like you that you jump all over anyone who shows a little interest that's a sign of low self-esteem. Get to know guys slowly, with a chemical-free brain as RP says, and then if they impress you YOU choose THEM.

snakearms

It is definitely better in general (not always) to let men chase you. But when a man makes you an offer YOU choose whether to accept or reject him. If you are so eager for someone to like you that you jump all over anyone who shows a little interest that's a sign of low self-esteem. Get to know guys slowly, with a chemical-free brain as RP says, and then if they impress you YOU choose THEM.

user-pic

No. Sometimes, it's better to be single for the rest of your life than to choose someone out of a mediocre selection.

Evie Cage

I have been single for 3 years now because I have high-ish standards (and I'm super busy). But I would most definitely rather stay single forever than end up in some mediocre douchebaggery. Compromise is a necessary aspect in any relationship, but don't give in to foolishness!

user-pic

Good answer, RP. It's sad that there's still the notion of women as less than out there today.

Madison

I agree with everything stated above. In the beginning, he calls you and sets up the first date. After that, it should be an even give and take. He makes the plans sometimes, including picking the time and place, and then you can counter that by setting up a group get-together. But there's definitely something wrong if he's doing all of the work. If he's hunting you down, he's a player, not a potential boyfriend. You have to have some common interests in order for there to be a connection.

Madison

Just take things nice and slowly. Find someone you have some things in common with, if you can. But after a while there should be an even give and take if it's a real relationship. If everything has to be on his terms, when he has an opening in his schedule, it's not fair and not a real relationship.

grayeyeddame

lol knuckledraggers are more common than I would have ever suspected when I was a younger woman and I am waaaaaay too strong willed to put up with some chest pounding in my direction. Hard to believe there are women out there who actually let men treat them that way and worse even is when they are taught by the women in their family that it's their "duty" to obey and whatnot... this isn't the the 19th century, too many women fought for rights and independence and to become something other than their father's or husband's property for you to fall back into that role...

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