No. It is not OK!.
You have nothing to feel weird and disgusting and unlovable about. You know why?
It isn't your bloody fault!!!
You went through something worse than rape. Worse than murder. As this is usually done by somebody trusted, the betrayal is extreme. Don't make it worse by thinking it is your fault, or what you deserved. It isn't. You don't. Take that to the bank.
Your words are not silenced - I hear you, so do the readers here. You are not alone. Not any more.
This is one of those times where I am going to say, stop procrastinating and get professional help. Right now. You have made a start. You have admitted, anonymously at least, that it happened. Now you need someone trained in dealing with this to work through it with you. I may be willing - but I'd honestly do more damage than good trying to help, as currently I just want to kill the person in question.
I'd go on about reporting the guy (I assume) and getting his ass arrested and hauled to jail, where he'll find out all about forced sexual behavior, but your first priority must be yourself. Time for that stress later, once you are healing.
You'll need to have courage, to do the next step. You have masses of courage - your daily need of courage far surpasses what most people need in a year.
Get help. Take care of yourself. Stay strong.
Worse than rape? Oh, MM.
Yes. Worse. Much worse.
Experience - or be silent, in this case.
I clearly wouldn't comment unless I'd experienced both. And I'm not getting into it on the internet. I'm not the sort of person to take this sort of thing flippantly. It's just an awful turn of phrase for you to have used.
Cool, and no hassle. This is one of my few button issues. But I did pick that phrase deliberately.
Rape is, excuse my French, one of the f*cking worst violations of a person that can happen.
Molestation is far, far worse, being aimed at the completely defenseless.
To me, forcibly taking sex is scum behavior, deserving castration at the absolute minimum.
Taking innocence as well carrys a death sentence. Automatic, and I would be very happy to carry it out.
YOU are not alone .. i second that .. u have been through an awful thing .. and its gonna take time and effort to get over it .. but you are gonna be alright .. i have been through it too .. and i absolutely agree it is worse than rape .. seek professional help .. it will make a difference ,, trust me ,, Great answer MM ..
excellent advise MM!
excellent advise MM!
Not to be argumentative, but rape can be and often is committed by someone the survivor trusted. I don't think its fair to say that one is 'worse' than the other. Every story and situation is different, and I disagree with making blanket statements that one is worse than the other. Why make a comparison to begin with?
I agree. That kind of generalization is not only unnecessary, it's completely false. Speaking as a close friend of someone who was recently raped, it infuriates me that you would make such a ludicrous statement (and not even attempt to back it up).
Sigh.
Thank you M, for once more being thicker than a bank vault door. I can always rely on you to misunderstand anything more than one syllable long.
People report rape. They know they can, and know they can get help. It isn't stigmatised. Your friend told you, didn't she? Was she mortally ashamed of telling you? I think not.
Molestation, which tends to happen to kids, rarely gets reported, usually because it is a family member doing it, and the kid doesn't know it is OK to report it.
Spend 4 minutes to actually look up the stats next time, instead of sniping at a response to a bloody brave questioner.
I agree that it can be worse. MM isn't saying that rape isn't awful and traumatizing. What makes it worse (not in terms of the crime necessarily, but in terms of the aftermath) is because the person often feels incapable or undeserving of doing anything about it.
Being molested or sexually assaulted is still a violation, just as much as rape is a violation. The nature of what occurred really only influences the nature of the person's reactions to it.
I was assaulted 9 months ago and I am only just now seeking help. It took me 9 months to convince myself that I really was a victim, that I was worthy of receiving the free counseling offered through an organization in my city. I thought that because it wasn't rape, because "nothing actually happened" that I didn't deserve to use up resources available and that I wasn't a real victim.
It's terrifying to feel so violated but it's even more terrifying to not know what to do. And life shattering because while rape is seen as something "worthy" of causing your life to fall apart etc but the kind of thing that happened to me often isn't.
What's worse? An apocalypse of fire or an apocalypse of locusts?
Some things are so far beyond the human capacity for understanding horror, that they defy comparison at all, is what I'm saying. There's no debate to be had here.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this question and your response, MM. Coming from experience, it is a long road of healing, but it is possible. Unfortunately, molestation is more common than we'd all like to believe. But victims are far from being alone.
I was molested. I survived. You're not alone here.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this response, MM.
Molestation is a lot more common than any of us want to believe. It is very hard to admit that these things have happen, let alone to find the proper way to get help for yourself. These kinds of situations, especially when they involve children, touch on the darkest seeds in humanity's soul.
No one is alone in this.
I was molested. I am surviving.
You're not alone.
MM good response, and M go troll a world of warcraft forum before you go and make victims and ppl trying to help feel like ass. hope your holiday is crappy and full of terrible. :D
Thanks for the thumbs up, but never do that, mate. It demeans you.
I'm glad at the question, and the answer. A little off put that the biggest issue in this response forum seems to be whether or not rape or molestation is worse. This has to do with a girl who has undergone a serious trauma. That's it.
That being noted, I was sexually assaulted as a child. It took me years of denial and blaming myself followed by years of therapy to finally feel like I am a survivor and not a victim. Don't blame yourself, and I would seriously consider therapy. No one needs to know you attend these sessions, but having a professional to talk to and help you sort through your emotions is completely helpful. Also, to be encouraging- more people know your situation that you would think. Your hurt is personal and unique- but other people have very similar responses to very similar traumas as you. Don't think people will look poorly upon you.
This advice comes from someone who has been through the stages of depression and anxiety that accompanies a sexual trauma. I'm not a professional- but please start considering that you're not weird or disgusting- the person who did this to you is.
I understand how you feel. I think I get what you are saying.
After being raped, I lost all sense of self. How can human rights be real, how can a person have a soul if something like that can happen? Another person taking possession of your body, proving to you that you're nothing more than a piece of meat to be used by others. I felt nothing. For years, I was numb, a zombie. All the thoughts and dreams I'd ever had didn't seem to spark anymore. I didn't spark, I just stumbled through life like I was in a walking voma, and I couldn't tell anyone about it because the English language simply doesn't have the words.
There is a reason why those who have been raped or molested end up treating themselves like meat for the rest of their lives, incapable of love, unable to express themselves and having nothing to express. But you can re-claim your body. It does belong to you. This is a good first step- trying to articulate what happened to you and the effect that it had. Keep trying. It's important that you say it, and it's important that others hear it.
I know that no one else's words, not even Mystery Man's, can ever really fix it. You can't hear, and anyway your empowerment can only come from your own words, the words that you feel have been taken from you. But you must articulate this event, to make it yours, to own it. This thing that happened in the past, it is your past- take possession of it, and take power. Look at yourself in the mirror and see you again.
Take as much time as you need, and do only what makes you feel comfortable- if you feel like you don't have your voice back yet, if you're not comfortable calling the police, then that's okay. It's important to put the guy away, yes, but your priority must be re-gaining your voice, your feeling, your sense of self. And your power. Even if it drives you into a rage, you can still own that, and let it empower you.
The person who did this has no power over you, and does not own you. Only you own you. Remember that.
Oh, JS, that just breaks my heart. Those are the most inspiring words of hope that you could have offered to the OP.
My daughter just told me her husband was molested when he was 6 by an uncle. My daughter was told to keep her husbands secret. They now have 2 girls & his brother has 3 boys. They were to go see these relatives. My daughter confronted the man by email about this. Of course he ignored her. She told her husbands brother also, because he has the boys. This man has a family now & my son inlaws family is mad at her for bringing this up after 20 years.Her husband said it was his battle & he was waiting for the right time to confront the man. My daughter took that from him & broke their trust. I don't blame her for the safety of the children & her husband needs to deal with this. They are all upset with my daughter & her marriage may be over. I am 100% behind her.