Just stop all contact with him, even if you think it’s supportive. If he is going to leave and/or divorce her, he doesn’t need you by his side to do it. Would you want your man ‘leaning’ on another woman to get him through your breakup? That is a very hard memory to let go of, from a wife’s perspective. You will create walls around her heart that she will struggle for years to break through. Please walk away…

DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT! I got involved with my ex while he was still married. A few weeks in, he told his wife he wanted a divorce, but it took 2.5 years. I really didn't believe the bull he fed me and they were still living together because she couldn't afford to move out. It was gut-wrenching. I could never call him, I could only see him at certain times, it was SOOOO hard. We ended up staying together for 6 years total, but I never really trusted him, knowing what he did to her. He would always try to prove to me that he was trust worthy, but it really didn't work. I really grew from this relationship, and knew that I would NEVER do anything like that again. If you do, read this book called ''How to Date a Married Man", a friend gave it to me and it offered some insights. Good luck.

To answer the question:

no.

I don't think anyone actually "approves" of cheating, so don't use that to make yourself feel better. People find all sorts of excuses to cheat, and people always seem to think that THEY are the exception.

"Well, sure, /usually/ when you date a married man, it's cheating. But MY situation is different because *insert justification here*". I'm sure that's what goes through most people's minds in your situation. If you had to ask, you know it's not right. If you have to convince yourself that something's okay, it's usually not.

And like MM implied, I wouldn't hold my breath for him to actually leave his wife. He sounds like he's just /thinking/ about leaving, you know, if things go well enough with /you/. But if he really wasn't happy with her and wanted out of the marriage, he'd already be out and dating as a single man.

I almost got sucked into this kind of situation. I didn't realize he was married. We bonded over mutual interests. We were only going for coffee and things of that nature, there was no sex. He didn't wear a ring. Then he decided he wanted to ask me out and revealed that he was still married but the relationship was sour. I told him to never call me again. I was extremely hurt because I had bonded with him pretty strongly on an emotional level. It is not cool for someone to ask you to meet his emotional needs. He needs to either work it out with his wife or get divorced. Only then is it right for him to initiate any kind of intimacy with another woman.

What everyone else says with the added caveat that most men, after a divorce or end of a multi-year long term relationship, like to spend some time dating around without getting serious with anyone. If you stick by him and he does indeed leave his wife he probably will not want to instantly jump into another serious relationship with you. After standing by him so loyally how will that make you feel?

Oh yes, go ahead! If you want to set yourself up for years of heartbreak and possible pain to another woman.

Tough to deal with emotions... Especially if physical attraction is involved (two factors which can be taken in no particular order when it comes to potential and actual cheating).

Honor the fact that the man is already married. Go get yourself a man who's available ONLY to you COMPLETELY.

do not read any guides on how to date a married man, please, for the love of women everywhere. ask yourself this. can you talk to the people you care about about this situation? if you cant, and thats why you are here, then thats because your gut is telling you there is a good chance you are doing the wrong thing here. cheating hurts people. lots of people. spider webs of people that you dont even know exist right now, sweetheart. and it hurts them for a long long time. and you as well. whatever happens now or whatever happens later this will follow you in one way shape form or relationship. guilt does things to people, i'm just saying. saying its "just emotional" actually makes it worse. for you. the longer you continue the harder its going to be to get out so the sooner you get out the less its gonna suck. because the longer you continue this way, the only thing guaranteed is that the problem becomes bigger, worse, and uglier, and you're in the middle of it. make a different choice, and if he is a man, he will respect you for it and not dream of anything else until he gets his shit together. or until you find a man that knows you are worth wanting to have all to himself. but if you get yourself stuck in this hot mess you're probably gonna miss THAT guy.

Why people can't just be honest. Look even if he leaves her there is no guarantee that he will be with you. You would be the transitional woman. If you just want a Booty call guy without have to have someone who might want more than ok but own up to the real reason. If you want a one and only it ain't here.

You know, even if he does divorce her before persuing you, be sure to wait a while before he's ready. Otherwise you might wind up being a rebound fling - plenty of guys have been known to go a bit wild after a divorce before they're willing to settle down.

I know I'm going against the grain here, but bear me out: My mother was the "other woman" for ... 35 years. They worked together, maybe grabbed some coffee in the cafeteria together, but you know how chemistry is just there and grazing a hand while passing the sugar is the sexiest thing you do all day. Anyway, My mother (who was married to my father at the time) just kept pushing him away. "It's wrong!" My parents' marriage fell apart, she and I moved away, and lover-boy pursued her. Mom pushed couples therapy on them. Eventually, he moved out (but he'd loved my mom for 10/12 years). Mom kept pushing him away until she collapsed exhausted into his home. She moved in with him the same weekend I moved away to college. Mind you, they met 2 years before I was born. They lived together until he passed away this past October, and he never divorced his wife.
I don't have a moral or real advice, but if things are supposed to happen, they do. And sometimes the man really didn't know who he was marrying. Sometimes he really does love another woman. But as the single one in this scenario, I think your job is to keep your distance until he deals with his own house; do not pursue. If it's real, waiting isn't a sacrifice you hate - you're willing to bear it because it's worth it. Is it worth it?

Thank you guys so much!! I have cut off contact with him, and if he does divorce her, and still wants me, I will treat him like any other guy I would normally date, and take it slow.

Two comments:

With compliments to Dr Phil, If he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TOO you. Today SHE is "not the woman he thought she was", tomorrow, he'll be saying the same thing about YOU to another woman. Yes, there are SOME men who are not like that, in THEORY, but in fact? I doubt it.

And of COURSE it's ok for YOU to be in an emotional relationship with a man who is married...as long as you don't expect ANYTHING other than quickies, hiding and being considered the one who broke up the marriage. YOU don't owe anyone anything (unless of course YOU are married too). HE took an oath to her, you didn't....so the only one who is betraying anyone is him. BUT, do you really want to be with a man who thinks so little of women, AND so little of his word, freely given, that he will betray both for someone more exciting.

The grass is ALWAYS greener....and if you DO end up with him, you'll soon enough be the weed compared to the next woman writing in asking "is it okay to get involved with a man cheating on his woman?"