Absolutely. It happens all the time. The wrong time in his life, the wrong time in your life, or both. And for any number of reasons--getting over a hard breakup, being in a relationship with someone else, physical separation, whatever.
As for the odds that something could become of it later, I have no idea. I do know that it happens--how many times have you heard about people who dated in high school or college, married other people and then ended up together again years later? I don't know how often these things occur, but they do happen sometimes.
The challenge, I suppose, is deciding whether or not you are willing to wait for the obstacle(s) between you two to go away so you can be together. You could be waiting a long time, and there's a lot to be said for getting on with your life. It really depends on the obstacle. In your case, getting over a hard breakup won't take as long as some of the other things that could come between you, so it might be worth waiting for. Obviously, that's a decision only you can make.
If you do decide to wait, I wouldn't pass up other opportunities to date. Life is too short to sit on the sidelines and watch it go by, especially since there is no guarantee that you and this guy will be a good match if and when you do finally get together.
Thanks for the question.
I waited three years for my first love. Dated some other guys on and off a little bit, but he was always my one and only. Problem was, he was in a realtionship with someone else, and while I would NEVER do anything to jeopardize that relationship, I kept hoping and waiting that something would happen and he would come back to me.
I can say two things. 1. It was tiring. In the end I felt tired and like I was wasting my life and feelings on someone who had no intention of coming back. 2. Not worth it. Really. I don't know why I kept insisting on this dream that I knew was never going to happen in real life.
What I'm saying is, if you put them out of your mind forever and accept that it's not supposed to happen, then maybe when you least expect it, it will. But actively waiting for someone (or something) is just such a waste of time and energy.
This happened to me and my current guy. And also someone I used to work with. Both cases of wrong timing somehow but in the end it worked out. With the old coworker he and that gal are now engaged and set to be married.
With me and my guy it was a case of he had GF when we met. I put feelings on back burner and just maintained a friendship. I got a BF. My current guy broke up with his GF I was still with said BF. Said BF had brutally dumped me months later, current guy was there for me but also gave me room to heal. Now over a year later we're going good :) We agreed to take things slow to not hurt eachother but now I'm ready to step things up like hanging out with his kids and such. Yes I've been to his place and yes his kids know we're together. Just haven't had time yet to hang out so we're planning a special summer trip where we can all have fun away from home.
So yes it CAN happen but don't sit there twiddling your thumbs and hoping it'll happen. Live life have fun with friends go try new places or hobbies. If for some reason he does become ready to date and you're single go for it. If by the time he's ready and you've moved on no harm in remaining friends. So play it by ear but don't stop living life! You'll kick your own butt if it takes more than a few weeks for him to heal. Some break ups can take years to get over.
Thanks you guys…, I’m the OP. He actually asked me out & called me every day before we went out. Laughter flowed freely on the phone & the on the date. He did all those things that said he was interested; touched me numerous times, put his hand in my hair & played with it, talked about his family, complimented me, kissed, etc. He called me when he got home to make sure I got home safely too.
The next day was kinda odd because I didn’t hear from him until very late. He called & said he had something to tell me. His GF broke up with his 3 weeks previous & he was still struggling to get over it. He thought he was ready, but really wasn’t. He said he didn’t want to hurt me with what he was going though. We talked a bit & I thought that was that.
Two days later, he texted me, asking me a question about something he could have asked anyone, I answered it & wished him luck with what he had to work through.
That was 1 ½ weeks ago. My friends said I need to random text him about playing tennis as friends or maybe just ask how he’s doing. IDK…, but then, this is the first guy who has given me butterflies in a long time. Suggestions?
(In the meantime, I continue to date & not sitting around waiting…, just wondering though.)
He was upfront with you. He obviously likes you but is unsure. He sounds responsible... Tell him you miss talking to him and that you want to see him. Can you talk while playing tennis? You just need to hang out and see how you are together again and go from there.
He seems nice and upfront, which is always good. But if there's one thing I've learned from guys (and Guyspeak) is that if they say they're not ready, they're not ready. If they say they don't want to get involved, they don't want to. I'm afraid if you pursue this, you'll only wind up hurt. Give it time and space, maybe check in a little later. But don't insist too hard. I hope it works out.
I agree, Whatislove. That's something that I, also, have learned. The first time I heard that guys usually actually mean what they say, I was all, "nahh it can't be! He's really just scared/hurt/apprehensive/playing hard to get/whateverer." But the more and more I hear it, and other people's stories on this site, the more I believe it's true. If he says he's not ready, take his word for it.
Silkysly, I wouldn't invite him to do anything if I were you. Maybe have a little "how ya doin'" chat with him every so often, but don't expect it to lead to more at the time being. If he really does like you, and he seems to, then he'll let you know when he's ready for more.
oh crap, those damn butterflies. sorry, but I would have to agree with the other commenters, and it's not the advice that will make you feel any better, but if he's not ready, he's not ready. ugh, that sucks though. if it was me, and I am learning in this area too, we as women our first inclination is to reach out just to "check in" or you know, tennis date whatever, we do what we know will work for us, but it doesn't work for them. especially if they aren't ready. but it's hard not to do anything either. you definitely have chemistry and honest communication from him in your favor, so he is already making your feelings a priority which is a good sign. however, if he's been this honest with you, and you touch base with him anyway, it might just make him uncomfortable and feel even worse about not being ready to move forward with you. i bet he had the same butterflies though. what about triggering them again with something innocent and pressure free like an ecard just to let him know you are thinking of him? i am not a big texter though outside of getting directions or letting someone know i'm late, not one of those that uses it for romance, so that's why i say that one. hadn't heard from my guy in almost a week as he is away on business again, and sent him an ecard that said next to NOTHING other than i was thinking of him. he emailed back right away to say how sweet it was and that it made his day (which in turn, made mine *smile*). we've been dating for a few months, but with his business trips it still feels new sometimes and i've often wondered about our timing as well because of that. guys are tough but they like the sweet gestures as much as we do at any stage (i think). the less pressure you give him, and the more space you give him probably the better, he will appreciate that i think, but finding that fine line with doing all of that and still reminding him you exist is tough. i feel for ya, but my gut is saying this is not a closed case. do keep us posted, will you? :)
They were about to file for divorce when I met him. He was dating 5 women that knew each other and fights would break out over him. He was never getting married again... Anyway we did get married 3 years later which had to be his idea or it was never going to work. He was and still is loving, kind and generous but back then he thought it was in my best interest to find someone else and be happy in the long run - something family and friends wished I would do as well. I knew that I could be wasting my time but I had to see for myself how we would turn out - I could not live with regrets and wondering what if later. I stuck around long enough for him to believe we could work...
love those stories. i bet the other 5 women were just rebounders to remind himself after the heartbreak of divorce that he's a stud after all, and there you were waiting to prove it to him again when he was ready. awesome.
Timing is everything...
So what's the update on this guy?