The problem here is, trust has been broken. I think it doesn't depend on the how and when of the cheating, but on what kind of person you are. Some people forget but don't forgive, some forgive and don't forget, very few can do both.
Also it really depends on how you found out. If he confessed it to you because he was wrecked with guilt, it shows he can feel remorse and that's a good sign. If you found out any other way than him telling him to you, beware.

Keep in mind this answer is not one size fits all. Each situation is of course unique but this is my *general rule*.

If the cheating was a one time deal, say a moment of weakness, then I could see eventually moving past it.

If the cheating was essentially a second relationship (texts, emails, phone calls, dates...), no. There is a serious issue and I very much question the guy (or girls) feelings for you.

My reason being, we all do stupid things. Cheating is a big deal and in many cases, it can be hard if not impossible to regain the trust that you lost. If it is a situation where the trust can never be regained, I'd call it quits. Trust is the basis of any relationship, and without it, you may find yourself questing his every move when you aren't there. Who is he texting?, why is that girl looking at him like that?, are they really friends?...etc. Itd drive anyone crazy to think that way. There are cases though where the cheating was an instance of weakness. Maybe they had a drink too many and combined with that fight you guys just had, they went out and did something really stupid. Again, really hard to get over but if the basis was purely physical, it can be easier to get over than say an emotional relationship kind of cheating.

I guess the things to ask yourself (in addition to the above): Did they confess or were they caught in the act? If they were honest, it displays a higher level of care than if they were trying to hide the lie.

Unfortunately there is no black and white answer. Best of luck! Do what is best for you!

I don't know. I have no idea. But I think I'd go crazy if I've been cheated on.

There is no right answer because it all depends on the degree of the transgression. Did it happen one time? Did they immediately admit to it happening? What actually happened? I would argue that if they admitted that they did it and it was a one time thing then it is time to start working to rebuild the trust. Therefore you need to decide for yourself how it can be accomplished. I would argue that it also means that you need to have clear communication that is without anger about how to repair the damage to your relationship and your trust. It will take time, however if it is truly worth it, you can overcome the transgression together and have a better relationship in the end.

it has frequently been said here that you can not have love without trust. in fact i do think that love and trust are one and the same thing sometimes, sometimes it just feels that way. so trust is gone, there may be an absence at least in part of love as well then. the answer to your first question is yes, it is possible, but that is a choice that only you can make, and it is a long road but (from what i hear) well worth it if both partners put in the effort and are willing to take accountability for their role (s) in the relationship crisis. the answer to your second question is, it takes as long as it takes and there is no schedule to healing. if you really and truly want it to work, my advice would be couples counselling as a true professional will help you work on those trust issues in a manner where your points will be given the validation you need and you will be heard in the way that you need to be heard. i think if both partners are actively involved in healing the fracture and working past it and beyond it, then yes, it is possible, and the time you spend being upset about it would be shortened. as much as cheating grates on my last nerve, i do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" but i DO believe it takes TWO people to make a relationship work.

The answer if different for everyone.

Trust is number one with me, so cheating is a major deal breaker. I learn that the hard way from someone I had faith in.

I think it depends on the context in which the cheating happened. For me, the ONLY situation I'd forgive it in is if my partner was piss drunk for the FIRST TIME, and ended up doing something while seriously intoxicated.

If he's been drunk before, he should know how his body and mind react to alcohol, and should put in effort to not get that drunk. So if something happens, no forgiveness for him.

If he's not drunk, he clearly either doesn't respect you, or he's just not mature enough to hold back his impulses. We all get attracted to other people; that's normal. But ACTING on the feelings is another thing entirely. So no forgiveness for him here, either.

I hope that, no matter what happens, things work out for you. :)

It's possible, but YOU (the cheated on) need to do just as much work as HE (the cheater) does to heal the relationship. It's not fair that you have to put in just as much work, since he's the one who cheated, but it's just reality. If you are going to hang onto your anger, your distrust, and your resentment, then your relationship simply cannot survive. You have to work hard at letting go of those angry feelings and truly forgiving and forgetting the past. (That's what "forgive and forget" means: it doesn't mean you suddenly lose your memory of the past Men In Black style; rather, it means you chose to let the past go and never bring it up again.) If you can't do that, then I'm not sure your relationship can survive. Of course, maybe you CAN do that... later. After some time has passed. And that's okay too.

On the other side, HE has to do a lot of work to regain your trust. He has to put away any of his habits that lead you to distrust him. He definintly has to leave the lifestyle that caused him to cheat; whether that means to stop going to a certain hang-out, stop talking to a certain group of friends or person, or what have you... he needs to prove to you that he's willing to alter his behavior and make YOU his top priority. Because really, that's what cheating is... he picked his desires over you, plain and simple. He now needs to work to show you that YOU are his top consideration in all he does, not his hormones.

I don't know what I can tell you other than from my own experience. I was cheated on by the first person I ever fell in love with and I can honestly say I've never gotten over it. We dated for four years. I had been suspicious but decided to ignore it until my best friend caught him in the act. I confronted him and he admitted about several others he had been with. I was heartbroken.

I decided to try to forgive him revive the relationship (against the advice of everyone i knew) because I loved him and it seemed a much harder thing to pull myself away from him than to just go on as normal - it was the 'easy' option. It is one of my biggest regrets that I didn't walk away then.

The relationship wasn't the same - it was tainted, there was no trust and suddenly I started to see him through new eyes. He wasn't the same person to me and I was bitter. I hated him but I needed him. I drove myself crazy not being able to trust him, trying to trust him, wanting to trust him. Being perfect became an obsession - I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't funny enough - I thought that if I became perfect then he wouldn't stray again. I soon realised that I just didn't have the energy to go on. It consumed me, it was all I could think about - even in our good times. I left that relationship a broken woman with no self esteem, no self respect and unable to trust or like any man.

That was seven years ago and yes it has got ALOT better. I've dated, I've found a guy who loves me and who not only makes it easy for me to trust him but is so patient with me. I've realised that not all men are cheaters and that cheating isn't inevitable in every relationship. It is so hard to just switch off your feelings for someone and it is even harder to forget when someone hurts you. I would hope that if I was cheated on again that I would walk out the door and not look back. I honestly don't know what is best for you - I guess some people find the strength to stay and make it work. If there is a good reason then I would suggest counselling to help you work through it. If i could go back in time now and advise the younger me, I would tell her to leave, that she is far better than that undeserving **** she is with and that there are bigger and better things out there.

So. I guess that is my advice to you too.

Ask yourself, if you had been the one to cheat would your partner take you back and put in the work to move past it?

A simple no. Let's face it, the one who's been cheatd on will not trust the cheater again. Not entire complete trust, at least. Besides, a lot of doubts will exist and basically the relationship will not succeed.

I have cheated. I never thought in a million years that I would ever cheat but, I wasn't respected, I wasnt treated right let alone as an adult. when you are giving your all and thinking that it is being reciprocated you start to think that how your being treated is normal until someone else comes along and shows you that your relationship is merely an idea. I was a girl who grew into a women because of being in love with 2 men. I cheated for roughly a year. I loved them both for extremely different reasons but the both loved me for the same. My boyfriend and I broke up for 6 months when I finally told him that is suspicions were right. That was the best thing that could ever happen to us. He slept around and I moved in with my lover. After a while he started to contact me again, fighting for me. See, I never thought he had loved me as much as I him and he proved he did and I couldn't shake the fact that I was so very much in love with him still. We are now expecting and are working though this day by day. The best advise I can give someone is communicate! In a relationship you have to be on the same page, you have to be striving for the same goals. There is a reason why someone cheats and by communicating and actually heeding the words you can avoid this senario all together. Best of luck to ya.

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