It is possible to rebuild trust after a devastating break-up, just not likely.
Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. A lot of time and patience. We're talking "Hungry Man" portions of time and patience.
Break-ups change people. When two people decide to get back together, they are starting out on a new relationship, not a continuation of the last. You don't just pick up where you left off. You have to get to know that person again, all over.
You're different now, even as you contemplate taking him back again. You've changed. There are more dents in your heart. His mouth and yours don't fit the way they use to fit. You distrust yourself as much as you distrust him. If you take him back, you'll think "Here we go again." But know this: you might be going through the motions and settling back into old habits. The truth is that, on the inside, you are not the same person. The person inside is stronger than you know.
All that said, I sympathize with you. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. There is nothing to be done about that. The heart loves. That's what it does. But just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to put up with their shit. Sometimes love is like a city skyline -- best viewed from a distance.
There is always hope. But I wouldn't take him back this time. You need time, and patience... with yourself. It will be hard to resist his begging. But being needed isn't being loved. If you have feelings for this guy, then help him. Don't be there for him when he comes crawling back. This power game is child's play in the truest sense. Do him a favor: roll your eyes when he dumps you like a prima donna, and don't return his calls when he can't man up to the consequences of his actions.
Meanwhile, embrace the change that's already underway. Who knows what the future will bring. This dude could have an emotional growth spurt. He could reenter your life. You could both hit the romantic LOTTO, and hit it off all over again. Or, ideally, you'll just meet someone who's not an emo yo-yo.
His eagerness to reconcile screams of horse shit ...I don't think this is love, people who love you don't fuck with your emotions. Plus, I find that when you move on, the ex will come crawling back at some point. It just bothers them to see you happy (or to know that your just fine without them ) .
:) I think this is overall great advice...Move on..Time heals everything, and never let a relationship define you .
"Sometimes love is like a city skyline -- best viewed from a distance." LOVE IT!!!
You're not an idiot to consider it, but consider this: this guy, quite recently decided that you and the relationship he had with you, wasn't working, or wasn't worth putting any effort into. Not for the first time.
Is he gonna do this every time things get difficult outside of your relationship? Is that the guy you want to be with?
If you enjoy roller-coasters, go to Magic Mountain. This boy is not worth your tears or your time.
Exes almost always come back at some point. I just had one ask someone for my phone number to 'apologize' to me. Man that was a pile of junk first he didn't know why he felt to need to say anything a year and some months later, then proceeded to tell me he didn't like all the sex we were having but yet used me for it... then the next day tried to mess with my friendship with a mutual friend we both are friends with so yeah I didn't accept the 'apology' and also called the friend to tell them what my ex was trying to pull.
Everyone was trying to say he was looking to get back with me or something but hell I wouldn't want a friend that tries to mess with me like that let alone a lover. Plus I've been with my guy for almost a year and it's been the best one yet.
So honey yes it may suck knowing you still feel things for him and may hate the break up. But most of us are always like that too. Some people are mutually agreed to the break up and may feel very little in the way of leftover emotions or anything. For those of us that break ups are cruel mean horrible jokes it takes time to heal yourself and not feel badly anymore for just you. Don't add him back to your life just yet for anything! Tell him if he cares to have a future with you at all he needs to give BOTH of you time and space to get over the break up and see where things sit from there. It might be best you two can hope for now is friends, could be like John said and one day AFTER you guys have healed you guys strike it lucky in the love department.
So even if it hurts, feels like you might be seen as bad, or whatever reason may make you feel crappy, distance yourself from him to do that healing! It'll be tough enough for you but you can't heal both people if one is still hurting badly and haven't had time to learn how much they have changed in hopefully good ways. Rome wasn't built in a day blah blah blah but it's ture your emotions won't heal that quickly and it's never bad to take time for you to do that. In fact some people will respect you more for doing that instead of jumping right back with him, and if you did he could possibly do the same stuff again right now that he did before. last thing you want to do is add more to this hurt. What would happen if you did take him back while still feeling like this and then he ends it yet again because he felt you weren't trusting him again quickly enough?
I can't stress it enough take time for you heal you learn what has changed to make you better. I've dealt with break ups and it always made me feel crappy but I always took time to do that healing and learning. No one can tell you how long that may take it'll be up to you and what you want to do as far as that goes. Some people hurt very short time brush it off and get out there again others take time to look at things, do the crying and start working back in what we did before the break up or even before the relationship. It all varies person to person but I promise you in the end you'll feel better.
Just had to comment to say I agreed with everything you wrote, John. You have a wonderful way of describing situations in a relatable way.