If you're the one with the better career and better education, yeah, actually it is kind of unfair. Just like it's unfair for him to sit on his ass if you're earning more.
I've never been a fan of the whole idea of a one-income household for two reasons: one, it's horribly outmoded, from a time when we were still adapting from a farming economy where a woman "staying at home" and a man "breadwinning" meant essentially the same thing workwise (do laundry in a kettle if you don't believe me: that $#!t is hard), to an economy where cash was king and machines did most of the hard chores for us.
And two, I've actually done it, supporting one of my ex-girlfriends while we lived together for two or three months, and it was one of many reasons she and I broke up. You start resenting the other person fast when you get up at 6 am, every day, to go to a job you hate while she sits at home and doesn't even bother looking for a job.
Financially speaking, if both people can work, both people need to. Living your life is expensive, that simple, and each person having their own money just makes life easier. That said, it's unfair in a relationship to expect your partner to pick up your slack. Just like you shouldn't expect him to be the one bringing home the bacon, he shouldn't expect you to work your ass off.
The best strategy is to sit down with him, lay out your expenditures, and then set up a budget that's fair to both of you. That's the best starting point, and it'll get the conversation off on the right foot.
I thini it's ok if his job is easier/brings in less money as long as he IS working. Not every job is eual, and as long as he's working you shouldn't be supporting him (finacially) so it shouldn't be a problem. Also, while it's not my plan, there's no problem if either parent (as long as the bread winner makes enough) wants to stay home to raise the chillins
I've always HATED the term "breadwinner". -__- There's just something...so...old-fashioned and...sexist about it. Blegh.
Great advice, Dan.
Depends. If the one staying home is raising the children, then I see nothing wrong with a one income household.
Just two grown ups sharing space..yup, both can work. Once we add children to the mix, stay home and raise your child if you can.
they key words are "if you can". many couples nowadays cannot afford to let one parent do all the child-rearing.
Agreed. I had a hard time leaving my job to stay home when I had my kids, but daycare for 2 kids is round 1600 a month and its just not worth it! So I work part time twice a week while he's home with the kids after work so the kids get some time with each of us alone and no sitter :)
"Is it unfair to say that I don't want to be the bread winner when my boyfriend and I get married? I already work more and harder then him and make more money. I'm afraid that he is going to get used to this and expect this when we get married."
So you want him to be the breadwinner? Hypocrisy, much?