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Is it unreasonable to ask my boyfriend to wear a condom for oral, until we both get tested to make sure we're STD free? I'm worried it would ruin the experience for him and he would think it a strange request as it seems most people don't bother with doing so.

It's not a strange request. In fact, it's a pretty smart move. There's nothing wrong with being safe. You're right-- many people do not wear condoms during oral. That's why herpes and HPV are so prevalent. Now they're saying that HPV could lead to oral cancer as well as cervical. Far too many people think that they can't catch anything from oral sex. Kudos for being safe with a new guy.

If he wants to be with you long-term, he shouldn't have a problem using condoms until you both receive a clean bill of health. (It's in his best interest, both for safety and if he wants you to keep going downtown.) Any guy who complains is just looking for sex. It's not the end of the world. And, really, if the option is no BJ or a BJ with a condom, I can't imagine there is a guy in the world who would go, "Yeah, I think I'll pass." 

Don't worry-- it's not going to ruin anything for him. You know what will ruin sex for him, and for you? Getting an STD. Herpes sores will but the kibosh on his love life right quick. Sure, wearing a condom during oral might seem a bit weird for him at first, but the end result (pun intended!) will be the same. He'll be fine. The classic "But I can't feel anything with a condom!" excuse is responsible for 95% of the sexually transmitted diseases in the world. It's time to put a stop to that myth. It's not like you're making him wear a sock over Mr. Happy or anything. Or plastic wrap. (Do not use plastic wrap, people.) Are you using a dental dam? Does anyone use dental dams anymore? (Just writing the words "dental dam" kind of makes my stomach turn a little. ) Anyway, get tested for STDs so you don't have to worry. In the meantime, definitely get some flavored condoms.
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11 Comments

Mike

There couldn't have been a better response to this question.

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lol isn't that what flavored condoms are for anyways?

Nick Nadel

Oh, so I shouldn't have been eating them? I thought they were Fruit Roll-Ups. Uh oh...

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Can't say oral with a condom is all that great. Better off with some good lube and an old fashioned handy till you're tested

chrissie1101

i would have a problem with the guy that had a problem with it. and i dont think i will ever look at dental dams the same way again lol

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Ya, I actually do have that problem of not being able to feel much with a condom but I just generally lack lower sensitivity. Spinal injury when I was 4. Oral and even sex with a condom pretty much feels like nothing is going on. But be smart, my fiance and I did not exchange fluids without any protection until we were tested. It doesn't take long, just call your doctor for two people to be tested and within a couple weeks results should be in. At least in Canada haha. I have no idea how quick (or expensive) it might be in the US.

I have heard many complaints about oral with a condom so I think Brian above me has the right idea. But as I said, I am not the average man sensitivity wise so it really could just be a bunch of BS from them.

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That was a great response and I agree with it. The only problem is if you have ever gotten tested, they don't actually test for herpes and guys can't be tested for hpv unless they have visible symptoms. So, it's kinda like a shot in the dark. I've even asked my doctor to be tested for herpes and I was actually discouraged! I've asked two doctors really-and they said it wasn't a smart idea. Bottom line is yes. STDs suck so be smart. But also realize that herpes and hpv are often asymptomatic and even if you are tested, you can still spread or still get it. The key is to get tested and then try not to worry about it and trust your partner.

Nick Nadel

True about HPV, but you can get a herpes test. Doctors will test you for A (common cold sores) and C. I can't imagine why a doctor would discourage you against it, particularly if you have symptoms.

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