Yes, no sex is a deal-breaker for a lot of guys. But not all. There are men around who feel the same way you do and prefer to save sex for marriage. You say you haven't had much luck with them, but I doubt you've exhausted the entire pool. Women don't have much luck with the other kinds of guys, either. It's hard out there for everyone.
You want to know if a guy without your religious beliefs, a guy who would ordinarily expect sex in a relationship, could ever be interested in you, right? I'm sure it's possible, although such a guy will be a challenge to find. You'd be asking him to change his entire way of looking at relationships -- not easy to do, especially if he's been dating sexually active women for a long time. A man who's used to getting laid will have a hard time giving that up.
I'm not saying it can't happen, though. A guy could fall for you and be willing to give up sex to keep you. All relationships require sacrifices. So I'm not trying to discourage you from looking. I just want you to have realistic expectations.
What I'm not asking you to do is lower your expectations. You believe what you believe, and that's your business. There are arguments both for and against premarital sex. You're not asking my opinion on the matter, so I won't give it, except to say that the more you can know about a person before you marry them, the better.
Really, though, you are no different than anyone else looking for a mate. We all have criteria that potential partners need to meet in order for us to pursue them. So you're picky just like anyone else, except that your criteria are more stringent and less accepted by society than most. That doesn't mean you shouldn't stick to your guns. Screw society -- do what you feel is best for you. Just know that your particular criteria will decrease the candidate pool more than most.
Not that that's a bad thing.
I think there are dating sites for really religious people that the question asker could go on and use, which could be really helpful. Then she wouldn't have to worry about being ruled out by anyone, and could just be herself comfortably. I feel for her, its hard enough to date men today. It seems all they want is one night stands and f*ck buddies... I'm a senior in college and hope to god it gets better.... but right now I feel like my time might be better spent creating a lesbian converter machine lol than talking to guys who are just trying in whatever way to get in my pants. grrrr!!!
i have the opposite problem! been with my bf for over a year. STILL havent had sex. like not even close. not even when i try to instigate it.
Over a year and no sex? That's pretty screwy. I would ask him, honestly but nicely, what his problem is.
It sounds like he might be gay. No guy will wait that long with out trying to initiate sex. I had a friend in the same situation and she would walk around in lingerie and try to initiate sex with her boyfriend. She was on his computer and found gay porn pictures.
cary, this is a fantastic answer. much respect to you.
It might be worth looking around in your church for potential boyfriends, or possibly another church (say, if you're Methodist, going to a different Methodist church than the one you grew up in). Other than that, it's going to be difficult to date someone who doesn't share your belief system, esp. if you run into them on the street. Just think of it as having high standards. It might be harder to find someone, but when you do, it'll be golden.
Good luck, my dear!
So...I'm 29 and only 2 years ago decided that I was ready to actually start perusing any sort of relationship. I had a lot of dreams to follow and life to experience before I even wanted to consider the possibility of a relationship. I was raised going to church and learned a lot of good morals and values, etc. One of them being the importance of save sex for marriage...I have no regrets about the path I chose...I don't think it's for everyone to sleep with whoever you feel like sleeping with...in my case there hasn't been (until very recently) anyone I've wanted to have sex with...but like Cary said, there aren't going to be a lot of people willing to wait it out with you. You have to decide how important it is to you. I was blessed with a very strong will power. If I make my mind up to do something I won't bend on it until I want to, so for me, while the road has at times been quite lonely, I've always had that to fall back on...and a significant amount of time spent over seas. haha...anything helps really.
All of that to say, while there are plenty of quality guys out there who won't wait, there are also many who will. You will have to decide how patient you can be...Please, don't give it up to keep a fellow!! I
don't hold to the belief that there is only one perfect person for everyone, but I do believe there is a more ideal person for everyone...be patient. Don't let any man pressure you into doing anything you're not ready for, but also, don't be afraid of taking a risk. I'm seeing a guy now with quite the sexual past...not what I expected or would have seen myself going for, but he's actually been pretty amazing about taking things at my pace...Sometimes, I think older and more experienced might be better for girls like us. He had an entire youth of sexual exploits, that whole been there, done that thing. Now he wants someone to settle down with and as a result is a lot more willing to wait than he would have been say 5 years ago. When I made my decision to wait, I didn't realize how LONG of a wait it would be...but guys in their early and mid 20's are in general a lot more sex driven and less self controlled...which explains why it was practically impossible to find a fellow in that age range...unless I was willing to give up my dreams and get married right then ultimately just to have sex...not worth it...
so to recap...be patient, follow your heart (and your gut instinct!!!!), and don't be afraid of someone you wouldn't normally consider...If this is what you want, it might be a long road...it might also take no time at all to meet the right fellow...either way, be prepared and don't forget why you're doing it!!!