Addict is right, because your behavior reminds of people with alcohol and drug problems. They want to quit, they know they need to quit, but just can't. Or they quit for a while and then they think, okay, one drink won't kill me, so they have one. Then the next day they have two. By the next week they're up to four and five a day, and before you know it, they're back in full-blown, out-of-control addiction.
In your case, friendship is your attempt at moderation; your "one drink" is thinking you and Bad Boy can be friends and remain that way. Clearly, you cannot. You two might keep your paws off each other for a while, but sooner or later you're back to your old tricks, then you end up hating yourselves for crossing that line again -- just like a drunk who wanted to have one drink every now and then but ends up back in jail being wooed by an oversized, cracked-out tranny named Diamond.
Every recovering addict knows there's only one way to quit: cold turkey. For you that means making a clean break from this guy once and for all, and moving on with your life. You two cannot be friends. At all. Most couples can't -- there's just too much history and baggage. You are no exception. Until you remove yourselves completely from each other's lives, this same pattern of behavior will repeat over and over and over again. Half-measures will avail you nothing.
Cut the cord once and for all. It won't be easy -- quitting an addiction never is -- but it's the best thing for both of you in the long run. I see no other way out of this self-defeating spiral.
Great advice. Been there, done that. It is the only way.
Excellent analogy. I agree that a clean break is the way to go. I might also suggest that she try to avoid jumping right back in to another relationship with a new guy or she may just start the cycle all over again. It might be a good time to take a break from dating and focus instead on other interests. She might want to take a little time to ask herself some questions as to why she is attracted to the "bad" boys and to try and figure out what it is she really needs for herself and what she expects, needs, or wants from a boyfriend.
Oh my God, Nona Muss .. Reading your question is like reading my own love life story! I'm so glad that I'm not alone in this bad boy situation. And I'm so glad that you asked this question, and even happier that our most revered Wise-Ass himself answered it!
I am currently still in that phase too .. You know, both trying to stay away from each other, and then one day he pings me on chat messenger (or vice versa), and there we go again, followed by cutting ties again that lasted about, oh, a week or so, then back to that part after "You know," I wrote earlier.
And, same as you, Nona Muss, this has been going on for more than a year. Addiction it is.
Wise-Ass is speaking the truth. Cold turkey is the best way. Don't get me wrong, my brains know exactly the right thing to do. Problem is, do I want to commit myself to that cold turkey move? Ha. You see? Women are (insert your adjective of choice).
And, Nona Muss, incidentally, "nona" means "miss" in my language. As in the salutation kind, Miss Muss. Any chance you're Indonesian?
It won't exactly be a "clean break." It'll suck for you, and if he has any actually feelings for you, it'll suck for him too. But, it is the necessary evil to get on with your life and not string things along which ultimately ends up hurting you more.