You are right. It is difficult to ask that without sounding shallow. And vain. And the female version of the "guys only go for looks" complaint that keeps clogging up our mailboxes here.
Yes, you can pass up the relationship. It is your choice, unless he has a gun to your head or some photos you'd rather the world didn't see. But, before you do, there are a few things you might want to consider:
How attractive are you - stunning, good, average, prawn or a fugly yourself? Guys like good looking women, so if you are low on the scale, you will have problems.
Can you handle the much more intense competition for the more attractive guys? The advantage of having an ugly guy is he is unlikely to be tempted to stray.
Is there a series of more attractive guys on the horizon - or would you be passing up something that could be great merely to wait and hope? Not every guy wants a relationship. Not every guy will match your personality. And, as I said, you are not going to get every guy you go for without some serious competition.
What sort of a relationship are you looking for? Serious long term, or short term fun. A good heart is the solidest foundation for a long term relationship. He's got that.
How is he fugly? Is it something that can be improved with some work on your part, or would it need serious plastic surgery.
If you decide to pass, though, do it quickly and kindly. Even fugly guys have feelings.
And good luck - to him, not you.
you can't say that without sounding shallow, i'm sorry, but it's also understandable.........if we accept that life isn't always p.c.. seriously though, how are you supposed to be with someone that you find completely unattractive. i met a great guy a while back, he wasn't even that ugly, but he was funny, smart, we got along really well. i'd dated a couple of assholes before and decided that i needed to date different kinds of guys, so when he asked me out i said yes. and i really had a good time. the problem came after we'd gone out a few times. and you can't avoid it, when things are going well and you've had a couple of great dates, even the shy guys are eventually going to make a move. and the thought of kissing him made my stomach turn and my skin crawl. i couldn't even contemplate doing more with him. i tried to suppress it. because i really wanted it to work. i wanted a good sweet boyfriend who appreciated me, and treated me well. i want to say that the looks thing shouldn't matter, and you might meet a guy who blows you away personality wise, so completely that it really won't matter, he won't be perfect in a generic sense, he'll be so amazing that you won't even realize he's fugly, but i don't think ths guy is that, atleast not for you, if he was you wouldn't have to ask. maybe go out with once or twice to see if that smark, clicks, but if you can't make it happen physically, it's not going to work. sad but true.
fugly? is this question from a 9th grader? i hope she does pass him up so an appreciative gal can have him.
Dude, without physical attraction you can't build a relationship. It's what actually makes the difference between a friend and a lover.
I don't think it's about fuglyness, beauty is such a subjective thing, I'd tell her to go for it if she feels attracted by him, who cares if he's fug? If she thinks he's fug and she finds him attractive as a celery, well pass it up.
I agree, the relationship wouldn't be perfect at all if there's no attraction there. Now if there IS attraction, physical chemistry, but she thinks other people will think him ugly and judge her for dating a 'fugly' guy, then THAT is incredibly shallow. But I don't think it's shallow to pass up on something if there's no passion and physical attraction there.
Does she think guys with "near perfect personalities" come along every day?!? What is the world coming to, when we're seriously considering ending great relationships for looks.
Consider this. Attractive guys could be, and 90% of the time are, utter and complete jerks. With two brain cells.
So do you want an arm ornament or respect, kindness, and intelligence?
If you're still questioning, my hope in humanity is lost.
Not all attractive people are assholes. There's nothing wrong with having standards, only in being judgemental.