I'm not going to sugarcoat this - it's more than a dry spell. If you've wanted a date for ten years and haven't been able to get one, then something needs to change. I'm not going to say that there's something wrong with you, because that's both cruel and inaccurate. But I will say that there is something, or a few somethings, about you that seems to be pushing men away.
I don't want to go through the exercise of trying to track down what precisely is creating a bubble of inaccessibility or undesirability around you. But I will ask one simple question, and I want you to answer it truthfully.
Do you like yourself?
Because if you don't like yourself, it's going to be very hard for other people to like you. A lack of confidence, or a feeling of desperation, or constant talk of disappointment are all very clear signs that you don't like yourself. And that is a huge turnoff. No man in the world will date someone out of pity.
So, my one piece of advice is to find something you love about yourself, or several things you love about yourself, and redefine your self-image based on that love. Embrace your passions, and be vocal about what you care about. That is how to attract good guys if you haven't been.
Well, that and an online dating profile. Best of luck and keep your head up.
Ladies, any thoughts for this woman? Have any of you joined the dating game late?
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I have been working for about a month with a girl who always seems happy, and has a positive Outlook. She's 28 and to put it very lightly, she is not what most would find attractive. Not for lack of trying she is forever single and has not had what she considers a proper date. From getting to know her, I have seen how badly she would like to have a relationship, but I've also seen a few reasons why I think she struggles in that area.
- I think that she might have set some unrealistic ideas of what she is expecting should happen. What I call movie romance. When you don't have those real life experience yet, it can be easy to be fooled by what the movies would lead you to believe is "normal" for meeting and starting a new relationship.
- I also see that her main goal is, get married and start a family. But she also want t get to know the guy first and find someone with "similar interests". Similar interests are very important but when I asked her more about what she is interested in, she could think of anything in particular. It seems to me like she's having trouble formulating what it really is that she wants.
- the other thing is that she is incredibly unique and has a certain personality which not everyone can get along with.. she can be annoying, or maybe a better way to put it is socially different.
There may be someone out there for her but I think she might need a bit of refining. Obviously you don't want to change everything about you, you'll never truly be happy that way, but its worth assessing what it is you are bringing to the table. Are you making an attempt to be attractive, are you going out to places where you can meet new people. I'm not talking bars, I'm talking sports clubs, dancing lessons, coffee shops, anything you find interesting and would like to try out or spend time at. Those things will cause you to meet new people, you might even make some new girlfriends who could potentially lead you to a boyfriend. What better way to find someone with some similar interest than by getting involved at something you are interested in.
Anyway, that's my two cents, hope it helps a bit.
I've joined the dating game late and i dont think there is anything wrong with me. Neither does my boyfriend :). For me it was a confidence issue. I just didnt like myself very much and so i didnt believe anyone else would either . But once i stopped being so selfcritical and losen up, i suddenly started to get a lot of offers. I made tons of beginners mistakes and got burned quite a few times. But I just kept reminding myself that it's part of the process/learning curve. I think dating and flirting is a skill and like anything else it takes practise to make perfect. One thing that also helped me was to flirt and go on dates with men i wasnt actually all that interested in. This way i got to practise my dating skills without having to worry what the guy might think, whether he was gonna ask me for a second date.... I know that some might call that being a tease, but who cares. As long as you are nice and dont make any promises you cant keep i think it is perfectly legit to flirt. So my advice would be not to take it too seriously and just have fun with it . Worked for me.
I certainly can relate, being the guy version of this. Born ugly (a victim of a sick cosmic joke, being I can count on both hands the number of women who DON'T think my old man is very hot), even my own father would often tell me I was too ugly to be his son, it took a long time to overcome my nuked self-esteem and below zero confidence. With zero attraction, even online dating isn't an option for me. I would never bother asking a girl out, because I know she'll politely reject me if I'm lucky, make a big scene and humiliate me otherwise, because when would before, that's exactly what happened And having watched women react around my dad, I quickly learned how to tell if a woman likes a man.
But overcome I did. Mostly due to profoundly and highly good men I encountered over the years; they told me what I needed to do, but at the time I just wasn't ready to listen. Then it gradually all came together for me. I could love myself, even as bad as I look. And true confidence wasn't pretending I'm normal looking, rather, accepting I don't fit hollywood's ideal of male attractiveness and not giving a crap - it's who I am and that is never gonna change. Instead of plastic surgery of my face, I had plastic surgery of my mind. I stopped worrying about it, stopped pitying myself. I, essentially, took an FU approach to the world. While this confidence wasn't alone enough, it helped me in many other ways. And my long, long dry spell came to an end. As it turns out, my features that made ugly here are attractive in other parts of the world. So I started getting female attention, real attention, women who wanted to be with this uggo. Of course at first I didn't know how to make of this, never happened to me before, I probably turned away from genuine interest because I was paranoid. Then I took chances, and it paid off, growing my esteem and confidence even more.
I've gone from a guy who couldn't get a date to save his life, from a guy who at a late age started his dating life, to a guy with a great marriage and a high quality aristocratic wife.
If I could come from so low, and overcome so much, you too, OP can do it. Like MM says, start first with loving yourself, flaws and all.
What is a high quality wife? Sounds like she was on special at the grocery store...
She wasn't made of reconstituted off-cuts of other women!
This image is going to stay in my head for a long time.
I'm 26 and have had one serious relationship (well.. one relationship, period) that lasted 4 months. I am confident and self-aware. I may be a little picky in so far as I know very quickly whether I'm into a guy or not, but I haven't been able to define what exactly I want in a guy. The guys I've liked are all very different.
I've also never really focused on finding a boyfriend. I've always wanted one, but it's not the most important thing to me. As I get older, it's becoming more important to me, but still isn't important enough to change myself or to alter my plans. Perhaps what is offputting about me is the lack of importance I put on having a relationship.
I'm still trying to figure out what the issue is. I'll let ya know if I figure it out.. .