Interesting question. I feel like boxers get a bad rap; there's something about seeing a shirtless man pummel another man's face into an oozing jelly donut that gets certain women uptight. I think that's silly. Boxing is The Sweet Science. It takes discipline, control and great concentration - these aren't things that readily translate into being Mr. Domestic Violence. It's a violent sport yes, but it's a hobby.
Do softball players come home and swing bats at their girlfriends? Do bowlers hurl bowling balls into their wives' stomachs? Hell, do airplane model enthusiasts glue their wives eyes shut or launch them off a building. No, hobbies are an organized way to express certain parts of one's personality. It's the boxers who don't box that you must watch out for. It's the bowlers with no balls you need to stay away from - for multiple reasons.
The way to fix this is by doing two things. Appeal to her intellect and explain the fallacy of her equation. And more importantly show her through your actions or more specifically your lack of action. If you get upset or find yourselves in a disagreement, show her that you express this respectfully - by using language not left hooks. Knock her ass out with your composure and level headedness. Also, try adding a moniker to your fighting name.
Ex.
John "THE MELLOW AND GREAT COMMUNICATOR " Smith
John "TALKS WITH HIS MOUTH NOT HIS FISTS IN REAL LIFE" Smith
John "I WHUP ASS WITH MY LEVELHEADED APPROACH TO CONFLICT" Smith
you are too right, FG, and great answer!!
how jaded is this girl for assuming such negativity from this sport, a hobby, and a past-time that this guy enjoys... tsk tsk, shame on her...
you are too right, FG, and great answer!!
how jaded is this girl for assuming such negativity from this sport, a hobby, and a past-time that this guy enjoys... tsk tsk, shame on her...
That's so weird! I would just get scared for my bf to get beat up not for him to beat me. Unless you have anger problems or she has prior violent psychological issues, I don't see her point. I mean, any man could hit a woman, he doesn't have to be a fighter. We all know that most men are physically stronger than women anyways, and most men don't hit women even if they are stronger.
But regarding your girl's issue, just tell her that you won't hurt her, as you haven't in the few months you have been together. And if she can't believe you, I'm sorry for you, but she doesn't seem to have a valid reason for her insecurity.
I understand, when I guy tells me about a fight he got into before and talks about how its the only one he's been in it still scares me and makes me feel less close to them. You do think of what they could do to you... not saying it's the right thing to think but it does happen. Being all intellectual about it wouldn't really help for me, I want to see how soft and sweet hearty you can be about me even if you are tough. :)
I disagree. Watching someone you know get socked in the face makes me sick to my stomach. Its different if I don't know them or don't care about them. Sounds like it was a bad date. GUESS she doesn't like the hobbie can't force her to. Communicate that you feel she is acting different. Maybe she can offer some insight.?
I disagree. Watching someone you know get socked in the face makes me sick to my stomach. Its different if I don't know them or don't care about them. Sounds like it was a bad date. GUESS she doesn't like the hobbie can't force her to. Communicate that you feel she is acting different. Maybe she can offer some insight.?
Maybe she has been a victim of domestic violence to have such an extreme reaction to a hobby. That might be a conversation to have with her. It might just take time for her to realize that you would never do that to a woman.
I don't care for boxing and it would not impress me to watch my boyfriend go round with guy, but I certainly would not feel scared from it. Quite the contrary, I know I would be safe.....
Personally, I would be freaked out that a guy's using violence (however well-regulated) to impress me. It's not the violence per se, but the fact that he would expect me to drool over a sweaty, bloody, macho testosterone fest. Then again, I wouldn't act scared; I'd straight up ask, "So that's what you expect me to be into? Really?"
Just a little from a girl's perspective -- most women aren't as into men pummeling each other as most men seem to be. Even if taking another girl doesn't backfire the way it has here, I wouldn't try to use it to impress women. And the women who would find it impressive will make a point of going to one of your matches before 5 months.
I think it's more that he wanted to impress her by showing her that he is good at what he does. It's kind of like, "look, I spend a lot of hours training and working on this and I want to show you how good I am." It's like when little kids color pictures- the colors are wrong, it's messy, and generally awful to look at. But they're proud and want to show you how hard they worked to make something that they find beautiful.
I feel that's what this poor guy wanted to show his gf. He wanted her to be impressed that he won. He wanted her to be proud of his hard work. And anyone who says boxing is just a "sweaty, bloody, macho testosterone fest," doesn't understand the real art of boxing. It's skilled. It's controlled. It's about paying attention to your opponent's game plan while avoiding being clobbered. It's like chess. You have to know your opponent's style, predict his moves, be pro-active all the while defending yourself, because he (OR she) is doing the exact same thing.
Honestly, if you want to want to see a sweaty, bloody, macho testosterone fest, go watch two hockey goons duke it out in a fight. NOT a hockey GAME, but a FIGHT between two players who are trying to draw a penalty. And just so you know, I love hockey, so that's no diss to the game (or the fighting.)
Agreed. I do think it's a little strange that she never expressed an interest in going and it's already been five months. Also that she knew he's a boxer but wasn't frightened of him before actually seeing it (although I guess experiencing it firsthand is different, but still). If she can't get over it, perhaps they are not meant to be together. If someone I really cared about couldn't at least appreciate something I really loved to do and once in awhile somehow participate in that activity, eg, attend a match, that might be a problem.
I hate to go here, but I feel like it's the elephant in the room...
After Chris Benoit, WWE Wrestler who murdered his family, killed himself, his brain was donated to science (apparently this is a trend among athletes, as concussion research cannot be performed on a living brain). Thanks to this, we know more about the cumulative effects of concussions, and it seems that such effects can lead to dementia, which can also lead to violent behaviour. After conducting interviews with friends and family members, it's become evident that Benoit was showing symptoms- confusion, loss of memory, lack of coordination, temper flarae-ups- leading up to his psychotic break, all possibly caused by multiple hits to the head.
This doesn't even take into account all the other kinds of abuse, including performace-enhancers like steroids, that an athlete's body goes through.
I'm not saying that one day this guy will go crazy and kill his girlfriend, of course. And I'm not saying that anyone who suffers multiple blows to the head will become a murderer. That's ridiculous. Most boxers, wrestlers, football players, etc. I'm sure are perfectly nice people- they're not all Mike Tysons and OJ Simpons. The research is inconclusive and I'm sure it's more complicated than I'm making it sound (I am not a brain surgeon), and besides, someone like Benoit is still a very rare case. I just think it's simplistic to say that his hobby (boxing) is no more dangerous or anger-triggering than, say, knitting.
It's important that both parties do their research and learn everything they can about concussions, and about boxing in general. If she's still scared, then fine- you can't really blame her, if what I'm saying is true. But at least it'll be de-mystified for her. Perhpas she'll realize that the few cases where athletes in violent sports do fly off the deep end are physiological or neurological in nature, and have nothing to do with their personalities.
So maybe just promise her you'll wear a helmet as a compromise.