Your amazing sex with this man is of no consequence to this question, but I thank you for the heads up. You have stumbled into what many of us have stumbled into before. A "family first" partner. This can be tough, and where as I am normally a very strong proponent of communication and talking it out, there's something about these family firsters that's so ingrained, it's tough for them to see it, or begin to consider their habits in an objective way.
Yes, given the choice we'd rather have our partner happy with their family and in good relations with them than not. The problem is, sometimes that happy or duty boundary gets blurred, as you are speaking about. All needs of the nuclear family supersede yours and your relationship's. Is it doomed? No. But it could be years to never before he shifts out of this paradigm.
Can you learn to love his family too? Sure. Can he love yours too? Of course, but the issue remains, his priorities at 33 (unless there is an urgent and on-going need) do sound skewed. Still, its only been 6 months, soon enough to know the sex rocks, but not seen enough to know the extent of his family firstitude.
For now, I say stick around. If months from now, he's still busy with Mom, sister and uncle every night of the week, you know you're dealing with a dude who doesn't only have a family tree but a sticky family web.
Funny Guy
I simply dont get this question. Best sex, sounds like a good guy, family man, and you want to bail?
Im lost. I think you are too.
Whoa lol.
Well I can see her concern. Sometimes the family can be crazy, and not have any type of boundaries. I had an experience with a guy that I almost married, who was attached at the hip with his sister. It would not have been so bad if she had not been so manipulative and deceitful. She wanted him to be there for her all the time, and it didn't help that she had a crisis every second of the day (usually orchestrated by her.) All I can say was that was a nightmare!
first line of the answer cracked me up, nice! lol my brother married a family first partner, lovely italian girl *enter required sister in law smile* amit is right, it could be years to never leaning towards the never that that will ever change. so you have to decide if you can deal with it. and that might mean stuff like 10 years down the road when you need someone to watch the kids so you can hit yoga class and his mom calls and needs a ride to the grocery store and guess who doesnt get to go to yoga. those kinds of things. because they are as ingrained as amit says they are, and you will never be able to change that. trying to will make your life more miserable than anybody elses. dont use it as a reason to bail though, the question is how do you feel about this guy. if you can and want to see him in your future, these are the kinds of things you communicate and compromise about now and take it from there. my bro's been married for a while, so obviously you can make it work if you want to.
Maybe having his family is the only thing he had to hang onto during the rough patches in life.
What if you stick it out & become family one day? His awesomness may shine on you too. It’s just a thought.
Run and Run far.....
These guys dont change. They are at their families beck and call. Even if they move 2000 miles away they are on the first plane back if mommy or daddy fall down and scrape a knee.
They get together on weekends to decide who can go to which kids baseball/soccer games to go to and to cover all of them fairly. You get left out in the cold. You will never be 'part' of the family. Oh your kids might be... but you will always just be an outsider. Run.... and run far.... dont wait do it now. You deserve time to be spent with him and him alone to develop the relationship. You arent having a relationship with his whole family, just him. But he's a package deal..... love him, love his family and they come first. If you cant handle it... run... and from the sounds of it she doesnt want to handle it. Dont waste your time thinking he will come around. Put it right on the table... either spend time with me... or Im outta here!
Ohh dear. This question made me laugh, and not because it was funny. To be honest, I am a grandchild in one of those 'nuclear families'. My father is 50 years old and he is only now learning to say no to his family. I grew up not only with the feeling that my mother was never truly going to be a 'part' of his family (as Lynda said), but also with the feeling that OUR family was never going to be able to have vacations and do stuff on our own, without his sisters, parents etc. Our family is still expected to celebrate all major holidays and birthdays (every single cousin...) together. And sometimes it's not a bad thing to keep your family close, but let's just say I would truly feel bad for anyone trying to marry into this one right now, lol. As it is, I know my mother (and all aunts and uncles by marriage) still put up with a lot. I can agree with Amit that perhaps you should stick around for a little longer to see whether or not you actually like his family and want to be a part of that 'bigger picture' in whatever form or fashion, but as someone coming from such an environment I don't think I would be able to put up with it again for very long at all.
Thanks everyone! This was a question I submitted. I am cracking up at myself for mentioning the great sex part now. LOL
UPDATE: He called me not long after I submitted this question and told me that he thinks it's best if we part ways because he feels guilty that he "can't spend the amount of time with me that I deserve." He didn't want to string me along and then in a year realize he wasn't going to be able to take the next step, so he figured it was better if we cut ties now, which I can respect. Did I mention he lives with his grandmother and works for his family business? I guess that was more relevant than the great sex part, huh? LMAO
So, here I am... back on the market and Funny Guy you were soo right! He definitely has a sticky familiy web and not a family tree! Live and learn, I guess. :)