No, it's a sign that you are currently living in a period of unknown with this guy. You don't have enough facts or relationship history to make sense of it yet. It's not an ideal place for you to sit, but it doesn't mean you need to jump up and make a dump-or-stay decision this very moment.
All you know is: He was awesome for a while. He is currently un-awesome -- absorbed in a serious family issue and being aloof.. Only time will tell if this is a temporary bump in his personality road or, if the good times you've had with him were just a blip on his usual a*shole express.
My advice: continue being there for him in a way that balances how you'd like to be treated and how you're being treated. Read that sentence again, it's pretty good. You don't have to be Mother Terersa to him, but don't go all Courtney Love - because you're hurt.
In the coming weeks you will have enough facts to figure out who this cat really is and if he deserves your cuddles.
Good Luck.
Good advice Amit...
copy that!!
WTH?!? I disagree! His response is totally uncalled for! Fine, he doesn't have to explode with gratitude but he can at least be civil, even if they only had just met. She takes the time to give a shit, and he's rude in return?
Sorry, but she needs to let go of him. This, *IS*, indicators of his true character and personality. A personal tragedy regardless how severe is not a free pass to being a dbag. There are many other ways he can relieve stress besides being an asshole to people who bothered themselves to care about his wellbeing.
Anyone and everyone can exhibit awesomeness when the wood is green, it is when the wood is brown that who we really are shows itself.
I agree with MR x to an extent. Personally I would pull back. You haven't been dating long enough to be "that" person yet. He has alot to deal with and you're not the person he chooses to confide/seek solace from. Rightly so, he has only known you for two weeks. Don't linger around serving yourself up to be his emotional punchbag when he is treating you less than you have treated him. Personal tragedies aside - your feelings are important and it is up to YOU to take care of yourself. You have offered a shoulder, it was shunted - I would leave it at that. Get on with your life and if he does come back to you when things are less complicated - then make a decision.
Well the gist I'm getting is that she's not trying to be 'that' person, or even being overbearing. Sure, if she was trying to get involved in his life now, he'd have a basis to push back. But she's giving him his space, but still cares enough to check how he's doing - and letting him know once he's ready she's wants to still be there for him.
What is sounds like to me, she's just once in a while sending out a text message (not even calling - because that can be intrusive) along the lines "hey, how you holding out?", and rather than something like "I'm mananging, thanks. :)", he's cold and rude in his response.
I agree with Mr. X. It's fine if you want to give this guy a little time, but keep his current behavior in mind. Do you want to be with a guy who takes his problems out on the people who try to help him?
Can I just say something? Most people can't detect tone or intent in the written word. And if you're using L337 speak or whatever shorthand people use in texts, that diminishes one's ability to comprehend it even more, ESPECIALLY if you aren't familiar with how a person writes/types/texts.
So, it might actually be nothing. But I don't know. I didn't read the texts. If he's calling you names, then yeah, that's totally uncalled for. But things that seem "cold" might actually not be.
It's completely idiotic to expect a "new" partner to fall all over himself worrying about how he's coming off to her when he's dealing with an illness of a family member.
Is he taking his stress out on her? Or is he finding out if she's going to be his strength when he quite obviously needs it?? Christ, a person can't have a bad day and we're tossing them out. Because each of us is perfect enough to expect a perfect partner?
Step up when the person you choose as a partner needs you to, in whatever capacity that is. Not to say it's ok to be abused, but being "cold" is a pretty pathetic reason to call it quits...and if you do so I would say it says more about your character than his.
Good call, Dee.
I think she should just let him be. He's grieving for Christ's sake. Her response to his current situation is an indication that she doesn't even know him well enough to know how he is during times of difficulties.
I'm the one who posted the question. I definitely wasn't expecting him to fall over himself worrying about how he comes across to me. I was just unsure of how to respond during a period when I don't know know him well enough to know how he responds to a situation like this. If I check in on him too much, I might seem overbearing. If I pull back completely, then he might think I'm selfish and don't care about what he's going through.
In any case, I already talked to him very briefly as to whether he wanted me to stick around or not, and he told me to "do what I want" but he only has time for his family right now. So I'm just staying back and letting him deal with his grief. His lack of contact shows me that he's withdrawn and I understand he needs his space. I'm just going to let it play out, and if he ever comes around, I'll see where we both are at that point. Thanks for your feedback.