Keep him around as what? A spare tire? A life preserver? An emergency boyfriend you keep under glass? Or is keeping him around more like an insurance policy?
It sounds like you want a certain kind of relationship that he doesn't want or is incapable of giving to you. I don't really care about the "why." I think, sometimes, we all spend far too much time trying to psychoanalyze the motivations behind certain people's behaviors. We think it helps us to understand their motivations, or to excuse their behaviors. Mostly, it allows us to indulge in a comforting illusion: that we have any control over another person.
No one knows the secrets of another person's heart. Most of the time, hearts keep secrets from those whose blood they pump.
This guy doesn't want what you want. That doesn't mean he's a bad guy or a douche. This is just how the game is played. You're only holding onto him because he's convenient. A security blanket. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Which is a great phrase if you're hunting birds. But love has to come to you.
If the two of you are good for each other, maybe he'll work through his issues and return. But honor the decision you say you've made. See other people. Different people. Date around. Make yourself available to be discovered by someone who wants what you want.
dang. You're right on. I HATE it when you make this much sense.
John I can't belive you didn't exploit the obvious pun with the bird analogy of having guys ... either in the hand or in the bush. Just sayin'.
Wow...EXACTLY THE SAME SITCH AS ME. WEIRD. He said the same thing. Hmmm. Hope it's not the same guy!! Are you in southern california by any chance?
My dude hangs with his bros alot...ALOT. Works sometimes odd hours. We see each other 2x week or so and he's kissy, cuddly and huggy but no sex, though I sleep over.
I'm giving it a bit more time to see what's up...b/c I like him so much for all the other stuff....I was thinking he was hurt by a previous girl, and needed time to heal emotionally.
What does your guy say about his past?
Is your guy gay by any chance? He hangs out with guys a lot, doesn't give it up after weeks...yeah. He's gay.
No he's not, he's cheating.
Sorry chica.... if you want proof, ask to look through his phone, if he doesnt say, "sure, here babe" its because he feels like he's got something to hide.
Hey Sophie Jean....Nope..he's not gay. If he WAS, this would be ALOT easier on me. I have many many gay guy friends (i'm in a gay friendly industry) and had dated a gay man years ago before he came out). I KNOW gay, and this guy isn't. I think he was traumatized by a chick or something. I catch his eyes looking at women, his dudes come over to watch sports on tv and drink beer, and they play video games. He is like a 15 year old boy sometimes. But deff not gay.
Still, he might be too immature for a relationship, or focusing on outside things to avoid emotional intimacy.
Not sure...this is one where "time will tell"...I just don't want to fall for a guy who isn't right for me....(yah, story of my life).
haha!
:)
Well, you're right, only time will tell. If I were you, I would sit down and talk about it, get it all out on the table. Find out what's going on with him that makes it so hard for him to have sex with you after weeks of dating. Perhaps you can help him get over his fear. Or...if after all is said and done, what he wants is different than from what you want, then it's better to remain friends in a purely platonic way and find someone else who will actually fulfill your needs.
Btw, the previous comment was for you, Ms. Divagirl
"hearts keep secrets from those whose blood they pump"
How very true! Loved the way you worded it. Great advice!
I am SO quoting you on twitter, JDV.
Hi Diva girl - I'm the poster of this question. I live on the east coast so it isn't the same guy....funny thought though. My guy is a very guys~ guy too. Lots of sports, only has brothers, hangs with buddies a lot. We are great companions and friends and he is very affectionate and consistent with calling me. I've been been very "chill". Not looking for a commitment. Just going with the flow and letting him take the lead. Which is truly why I was thrown off by the slow down of sex. Kind of narcissistic that he thinks I'll fall instantly in love if we have "too much" sex. I like John's advice to stop thinking about the "why". I'm just going to keep moving on with my life, see other people and if he steps up his game so be it. Time to hop on over to my Match site and see what's up over there....you do the same girl!
Ms. Star I have been dating the same guy for the last 6 Months.. Literatelly. Send me a message please. We need to talk.
I'm in the same situation.. my guy is 41 too but did explain why he never took the plunge.. You see, he has set up his life this way by choice.. divorce is rampent in our society and he choose not to have children or marry.. the financial ruin of many people has come about through divorce and caring for children who are usually awarded to the mother.. and she uses the child as a threat help over the man's head dictating when he wil be "allowed" visitation.. this is not always the case but it happens all too often to turn someon e's life into a nightmare.. I don't blame him one bit...