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I've been dating this guy for 10 months (o_0) and he has yet to share any real details about his past relationships, but he has hinted that they were pretty bad situations... Would it be wrong for me to email his last ex in an attempt to get this info? Otherwise, how do I get him to open up and share as I have done?

I wish I spoke 100 different languages so I could say "hell no, you shouldn't contact his ex" in all of those different tongues.

Just in case that isn't clear: yes it is wrong to email his ex. You want to get in touch with somebody(ies) that he's indicated some negativity in hopes of learning what happened? You're going to get a more one sided tale than you can shake a stick at. Yes, it's odd that he hasn't talked to you about his past relationships, but why are you so concerned?

You just want full information on what his dating history has been? That's fair, but you have no right to go to other people to find out, especially not an ex of his. That's against the rules.

As far as getting him to open up and share as you've done...I mean when the dude feels ready to tell you, he will. You can't force it. All you can do is try to get him to talk about it and hope he opens up. Other than that, nagging him about it won't get him to talking any quicker. In fact, it will probably make him clam up more.

You can try to reason with him that maybe talking about those things will help him work through them, but that's all you got really.

Good luck.

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7 Comments

Tariana

Wow. Why would you even contact an ex?!

*sigh*

There are really times in our lives when we need to let things go. Live in the moment. If he told you his past relationships didn't end too pretty, the least you can do is view that as a sign he moved on already and is living a new life. Don't go digging for sh*t that's already buried unless that sh*t's still hitting the fan and making your life messy.

He's with YOU now.

user-pic

Besides knowing what went wrong in past relationships, why is there such a need to know? Is it because of "the number"? Or just plain curiosity? I don't necessarily think that it's a bad sign that neither part has discussed past relationships. It just means they are more focused on themselves.

Jlove

Take a deep breath and step away from the computer. NOW!

If he wants, he will let you know about his past. I'm assuming he's given you no reason to not trust him or be suspicious of his past behaviors.

Take it from someone who used to be nosy, its just now worth it. Cause what do you if you find out some dirt from his past that upsets you. You can't say anything, cause it makes you look bad for digging into his past.

Something that works for me, when I feel like snooping is to say, "Once you know this information, you CAN'T un-know it." You seem happy, why ruin that happiness.

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Love your answer.

silkysly

How the fuk old are you? ....12???

user-pic

Just because you have offered up this information about your past does not mean he is under the same obligation. Some people like their past to remain in their past. What if it is something that he was hurt by - he probably doesn't want to hash it up for you to know and possibly judge him by. It's really none of your business. To e-mail his ex is just way below the belt. If my bf ever contacted one of my exes i would think he was a) crazy b) sneaky & untrustworthy and c) totally out of line and to be honest I would probably end things right there. I would be mortified that my EX was dragged into my current relationship by my partner - MORTIFIED. Judge him on how he treats you and your relationship not on an account given to you by an ex girlfriend. I don't know much about my bfs previous gfs. He doesn't talk about them, he doesn't contact them, he doesn't have any old photos of them and I know I'm the most important person in his life - so anything he did in the past is irrelevant. It is something you have to come to terms with - you cannot be in control of everything! He doesn't want to give you these details.. and it is up to you to prioritise what is more important - your relationship or knowing this information.

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Women like this give the rest of us a bad name. NO, you crazy person, you should NOT go contacting his exes to find out what went wrong. If he wants to tell you, he'll tell you.

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