Stop being friends with your ex-wife. You will be amazed how the world opens up to you once you ditch your obvious baggage. Right now, your friendship with your ex-wife is holding you back from meeting new people.
The fact that you said "without benefits" leads me to believe that you would like to drop the "out" from that statement. You are still holding a candle for your ex. It's been five years-- move on. Tell her that you need to stop spending time together for a while until you meet someone new and move on.
I cannot stress how important this is. It might be difficult, but it is an important part of the next phase of your life. Every woman you meet will be scared off by the fact that you're friends with your ex-wife. (At least initially anyway.) You can be cordial to each other, but it is time for her to stop being a factor in your life.
Try online dating. (Do not put "divorced" in your profile. You are single now. Do not define yourself by your past.) Attend every party you're invited to. Reconnect with old friends and ask them to set you up with someone. Visit sites like Meetup.com and find a group for your interests. Oh, and in case this isn't abundantly clear, DO NOT INVITE YOUR EX ALONG.
Divorce is a sad thing, but as a child of a mother who has been remarried several times, I can say that it takes time to find the right person and there is nothing wrong with phasing your ex-wife out of your life. Remaining friends with an ex is difficult and rarely works. Maybe you guys will be friends in the future, but for now she is holding you back. Your divorce is a giant sign around hanging around your neck that reads "sad sack still hung up on his ex." The first step is to stop living in the past and stop trying to rekindle something that is clearly gone. The next step is to get out there and start a new life independent of your ex-wife.
The fact that you said "without benefits" leads me to believe that you would like to drop the "out" from that statement. You are still holding a candle for your ex. It's been five years-- move on. Tell her that you need to stop spending time together for a while until you meet someone new and move on.
I cannot stress how important this is. It might be difficult, but it is an important part of the next phase of your life. Every woman you meet will be scared off by the fact that you're friends with your ex-wife. (At least initially anyway.) You can be cordial to each other, but it is time for her to stop being a factor in your life.
Try online dating. (Do not put "divorced" in your profile. You are single now. Do not define yourself by your past.) Attend every party you're invited to. Reconnect with old friends and ask them to set you up with someone. Visit sites like Meetup.com and find a group for your interests. Oh, and in case this isn't abundantly clear, DO NOT INVITE YOUR EX ALONG.
Divorce is a sad thing, but as a child of a mother who has been remarried several times, I can say that it takes time to find the right person and there is nothing wrong with phasing your ex-wife out of your life. Remaining friends with an ex is difficult and rarely works. Maybe you guys will be friends in the future, but for now she is holding you back. Your divorce is a giant sign around hanging around your neck that reads "sad sack still hung up on his ex." The first step is to stop living in the past and stop trying to rekindle something that is clearly gone. The next step is to get out there and start a new life independent of your ex-wife.
The only reason you should be civil to your ex is if there's children involved.
Even then, it's time to move on.
What a ridiculous comment! You should be "civil" to everyone; perhaps you don't know what that word means?! In fact, being "civil" towards one's ex shows a lot of maturity. The only reason you shouldn't be civil to your ex is if you want to be a trouble-making, petty, juvenile jackass.
Agreed!
Just for the record, I am friendly with my exes. I am merely saying that to get over someone, sometimes you have to ignore them for a while or get over them in another way. Ignoring someone is not very civil, right? But this is only in the getting-over-you stage. If you're too nice, the other person may want to get back together even if you're clearly over. Once you're over someone, be friends, enemies, fwb, what have you.
I don't believe this is juvenile behavior. Sure, it's not very nice, but the heart has to heal. And if one is around their ex all the time, that's not very healthy either. But if there are children involved, you don't have this grace period. You have to suck it up and deal with it like an adult.
Does this reassure you of my command of (or lack of) social graces?
Great advice, as always, Nick!
Good advice, however, if you do go on a dating site please be honest and admit you are divorced. There are many women out there that have no problem dating divorced men, myself included. It suggests you have experience and a maturity that many do not.
Just don't bring up stories about your ex in your dates, you'll scare them away.