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I've been friends with this guy for two years. I'm very attracted to him, but he's married. He recently made a pass at me and we almost had sex, but called it quits before it went too far. Now he won't talk to me, Why?

First of all, kudos on the discipline there. Second of all, run. Run far, far away. Because there's a storm a-comin', and anyone caught in it is in for a torrential downpour of needless drama and a thirty percent chance of crying over the phone.

Dudes don't cheat on their wives just because they're attracted to another woman. They cheat on their wives because they are attracted to another woman and are having doubts, concerns, worries, whatever regarding their current marriage (and likely themselves as well). I'm of the opinion that horny as a man may get on occasion, if he loves his wife the way I love mine, he could never bring himself to do something that would so obviously hurt her so deeply.

Which means this guy is either going to man up and have words with the missus or not, and either way, getting involved with him is asking to be jerked around, run through the ringer, and get large objects thrown at your head by an irate ex.

The fact that he's now avoiding you could mean he's trying to work things out with her, or doesn't trust himself around you. Either way, the crap you'll have to wade through in exchange for satisfying your attraction just isn't worth it.

Give him time, and if the marriage falls apart, hey: catch him on the rebound. But be warned, he'll probably be pretty weepy for a while.

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14 Comments

Nataliesmommy

great advice!

And its sweet to openly admit such profound love for your wife, I bet she loves knowing you cherish her so. She's a lucky lady.

bgirl

Great answer...please school Mystery Man in the art of writing great answers.

user-pic

Seconded! His latest answer was nipple piercings are gross because they're gross. This, however, is a thoughtful, funny, helpful response from a thoughtful, funny, helpful guy. :) We love you, Mr Streamywinner Swaim!

user-pic

I had an experience similar to this...
My attorney had the biggest, uh, thing for me, and while he was quite charming, I couldn't get over the fact that he was MARRIED. Also that I was paying him for a service that didn't involve getting naked.
Call me selfish, but I don't want to be the other woman. I want to be THE woman. Numero uno. If I can find a man who loves me as much as Michael loves his wife, I would consider myself very blessed.
In the meantime, I'll just keep having fun! With single, available guys, that is.

user-pic

That's not selfish at all.

user-pic

i dont want to be the *other woman* i want to be THE WOMAN.

amen~!

user-pic

This is great news for your no doubt wonderful and deserving wife, Michael, that you would never, ever cheat on her.
Sad news, however, for me.
:*(

user-pic

wow...
sounds like projection to me.

Dovey

Agreed. I don't know how anyone can take cheating lightly. It's a disgusting betrayal that rips families apart. How could anyone pity the other woman/man? Blame should fall heavily on the cheater, but there is plenty that should fall on the enabler.

user-pic

Yes, she knew he was married, but he's the one who IS married, and he's the one who made a pass at her. How do you jump from that to her being a Glenn Close-style bunny boiler? Not saying that she is necessarily an entirely innocent victim of circumstances or anything, but assuming that she's an evil femme fatale taking advantage of the poor feeble-minded man is a bit much. Why does the burden of morality always have to be entirely the woman's responsibility?

No

Vee's right. You're not his friend if you think sabotaging his marriage isn't that big of a deal.

user-pic

Your damn straight I'm right. But, whoever runs this site, likes to delete my posts.

user-pic

Yeah yeah, cowardly ass web site that likes to censor someone's opinion. Don't front, you know I'm right. And frankly that was some brilliant writing on my part. I may get a lot of flack for my thoughts, but hey I kept it real. I would never pacify some bitch with stupid ass lies.

chrocs

Right On!

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