Ouch. Sucks to be you right now. But you probably knew that already.
Okay, look, you obviously have a heart and feel for the guy because his mom passed away, which is great. You're a decent human being. If I wore a hat, I'd tip it to you, but I don't, so just take my word for it. Unfortunately, his mother's death and your dating life have no relevance to each other at all. None.
You could keep seeing the guy out of pity -- guys love pity dates* -- but that's a disservice to both of you. You waste time with a guy in whom you have no romantic interest, which keeps both of you removed from the dating pool, where you might otherwise meet someone you really like. He gets the impression that you're really into him and grows ever closer to you as he grieves his loss. When you finally break up with him -- and you will -- he's even more crushed than he might be now. If ever there was a lose-lose situation, this is it.
The best thing you can do for this guy is break it off with him swiftly and cleanly. Seems cruel, I know, but it's the merciful thing do to, like shooting a deer that you hit with your Cutlass Supreme but don't kill. Make it clear to the guy that while you're very sorry about his loss, you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him.
He'll be hurt, of course. Comfort yourself in the fact that what you are doing is not only best for you, but best for him, too. How can you be sure? Because the Wise Ass said so.
Now, if you want to remain friends with the guy and feel like you could handle that, you can offer it. I don't know that he'll accept or that it will even work, but you can certainly try if it makes you feel better about the situation.
Good luck.
* Not.
Okay, look, you obviously have a heart and feel for the guy because his mom passed away, which is great. You're a decent human being. If I wore a hat, I'd tip it to you, but I don't, so just take my word for it. Unfortunately, his mother's death and your dating life have no relevance to each other at all. None.
You could keep seeing the guy out of pity -- guys love pity dates* -- but that's a disservice to both of you. You waste time with a guy in whom you have no romantic interest, which keeps both of you removed from the dating pool, where you might otherwise meet someone you really like. He gets the impression that you're really into him and grows ever closer to you as he grieves his loss. When you finally break up with him -- and you will -- he's even more crushed than he might be now. If ever there was a lose-lose situation, this is it.
The best thing you can do for this guy is break it off with him swiftly and cleanly. Seems cruel, I know, but it's the merciful thing do to, like shooting a deer that you hit with your Cutlass Supreme but don't kill. Make it clear to the guy that while you're very sorry about his loss, you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him.
He'll be hurt, of course. Comfort yourself in the fact that what you are doing is not only best for you, but best for him, too. How can you be sure? Because the Wise Ass said so.
Now, if you want to remain friends with the guy and feel like you could handle that, you can offer it. I don't know that he'll accept or that it will even work, but you can certainly try if it makes you feel better about the situation.
Good luck.
* Not.
I agree. They are two separate issues. Her death is sad and unfortunate, but it has nothing to do with the relationship. It's best to move on quickly. The longer you drag out a relationship that you are really not interested in, the more painful it will be to end later.
LOVE the footnote, Cary. Before I got to the bottom, I read that statement and thought, "yeah, right." Had a good laugh about that, but your answer is right on the money.
My mother died of cancer when I was 14 (after battling it for two years.) Yeah it's not a fun situation, but the issues aren't related. I'm 18 now and it's not good for anyone to continue see someone when you're not interested. I agree with Connie and Rev.