I'm not going to tell you that you're special. You've had enough of that. We all have. I was told I was special by teachers who would pat me on the head, and then move on to tell another kid that he was special. How can I be special if the goblin next to me, the one who'd hide Lincoln logs in his cheeks "for a rainy day," is also special? Are some people special-er than others? What the fudge, I'd think. What the fudge.
I'm not special. I'm just like everybody else. I don't deserve a prize or attention for trying to do the right things in life, which as far as I can tell is what average people do. Average people share French fries, blankets, and hugs. Normal, everyday, average human beings follow certain rules. At night, use the buddy system. He who smelt it, dealt it. You break it, you fix it. Average people make mistakes. They try. They fail. They try. They fail again. They try. And if they win, they don't walk around the playground showing off their gold star. The full spectrum of human emotion passes through average people like a rainbow colonic.
It's not easy being human. Those runty princes and princesses who think they're special are at a disadvantage. They are not special. They're just like you and me. Insecure. Hopeful. A blemish here, a doubt there. A heart that's a secret lock box of whispers and giggles. Those swaggering aristobrats are just as full of fear and joy as the rest of us. In the summer, they are stinky. In the winter, they might wear their socks two days in a row.
Which is the best reason to just be yourself. And why not? Even those people who think they're the love child of Zeus and a unicorn are just being themselves. Usually, those people behave like they're special and are therefore easy to avoid. Avoid them! And start looking for average people just like you. They're out there, and they're probably looking for you too.
Be average. But don't be a coward. Bravely be just you. Don't feel gorgeous? On days where I feel fat or dumpy or just unlovable, you know what I do? I don't wait for life to make me feel anymore gross than I already feel. I take the fight to life. I go out. I buy a nice shirt. I avoid mirrors or reflective surfaces. I hang out with other average friends, and laugh, and try to go to bed with a smile. Then I wake up and do it all over again. I fail. I try. I win. I fail.
Being average is hard work.
You know what? I thought this was said quite simply and was rather beautiful in the end. But even though we are all un-special, i do think it is nice to feel special, and so things that make us feel special and happy.
:-) Beautifully said John, beautiful.
Of all the responses I've ever read on this page this has got to be the best! Very well put and very insightful and very truthfull.
I don't think YOU are the "problem" (if you can even call it that). Perhaps the circles you travel in, places you frequent, waters your tread need to be switched up. Or not. Chances are there will be a handful of guys around you who do and will like you for who you are, so long as you're genuine. I'd much rather be my average, yet genuine self around guys (and either strike out or just completely fail) than alter who I am to suit a guy's type--when I know deep down that I'm settling and not truly fulfilling my heart's desire (of being loved/accepted as I am).
John, your writing reaches poetic heights each time I read any of your posts. Good way to start my morning :)
hahahaha the love child of zeus and a unicorn. that was a good one.
I am a big fan of yours and this post reminds me why.
Amazing response. Good to see the serious side of our guys. I hope she felt better.
Ace response John. I am sick of being told I'm "special" as well -- like everyone else -- as you pointed out. Beckettian response (you like beckett?). Try. Fail. Try again. Fail better. You're my favourite question answerer!
I do think it's a confluence of chance and... I don't know. Luck. Are they the same? No, but related. I think it's just -- how well one gets along with people -- how comfortable they feel with you. It's definitely not a matter of being special; who is and who isn't really. In fact, one of my friends pointed out that she thinks being average is an advantage -- people don't judge you immediately by your job accomplishments, your looks, etc -- and actually get to know you better.
This might be my favorite answer on Guyspeak ever (with all due love and respect, my dear Cary). Love this SO much John.
Remember that average is relative. We all have different experiences and come from different backgrounds. Something that you think is average may be cool or interesting to someone outside your social circle.
The fact that a man like John exists gives me hope for the rest of that gender....
Wow. This has to be one of the top 5 best GuySpeak answers ever.
If you live your life thinking you are "nothing special," then why on earth would anyone think otherwise? Confidence doesn't come from your looks, personality or the opinions of others. It comes from within. Rather than needing men to validate you, you need to validate yourself first. The confidence you gain by loving your self will hopefully make you toss the word "average" from your vocabulary. You're just you (which should be fabulous by the only standard that matters - yours). Always expect others to view you as you view yourself. If you don't like what you see, make a change. ;)
that was beautiful!! *tear
I've been trying to answer this question myself, and it was answered by an awkward guy friend of mine who is desperate to have someone special and has failed and been hurt. I could see him trying to play by some rules he learned talking to friends or on some website, trying to be aloof, and it was just transparent. It seemed even more desperate.
It takes real confidence to simply be yourself, without apology, and that is much more attractive than trying too hard to be someone you're not. Also, you will weed out all the incompatible guys out there and save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run, because you'll know that one special one (that's all you need, right?) is into the real you.
Ive been told to just be myself with men. Well what are you supposed to do when none of them are liking who you are? How are you supposed to be confident when you have nothing to be confident about? I'm average. Nothing special
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