Easy one, but only because I think about this a lot. The answer is yes. Being in love is the start point. That fades over time. Sure, you still love each other, but that spark of excitement slowly dwindles away.
Unless you work at keeping it.
Love, like everything else, needs attention and cherishing to flourish. Usually not too much, a little watering, a little feeding and a little weeding is about all you need, but without that attention you both settle into a rut. Day to day drudgery grows and slowly strangles the highs of being in love.
Yeah, a picture in an answer is unusual, but, for me, it is the perfect visual representation of love vs. life. All the owner had to do was take the bike for a spin once in a while, and it would still be free and running. Leave it in the background, uncared for for a while, and it becomes unusable, choked and held down by everyday concerns.
Hope that helped.
Totally agree. I love the pic! poor motorcycle...
Love is something you have to work on to make it last. It's like everything: if you want to stay in shape, you keep working out even if you're in the best shape of your life. Or you'd get flubby again. Once you get a promotion at work, you keep on working hard to show you really deserved it (and eventually being promoted again). Or you'd get fired. Or retrograded. See?
Thanks, MM, I needed this:)
*sniff, sniff*
By the way MM, have you written the blog about "unfixable problems" yet? Or did I miss reading it?
Just finishing it up now. Should go live tonight or tomorrow.
Yey! Thanks!
My boyfriend and I am gonna try talking things out soon - after a 2-week "break". It almost feels like we're going to have the "lay all the cards" down session or something like that. Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, we'll get through this rut in our relationship.
Thanks MM! I conclude therefore that "I'm not in love anymore" isn't a good excuse if the person has done NOTHING to work on the relationship!
I totally agree! Being in love or rather staying in love is a choice you make every single morning when you get up. The crazy infatuation goes away after awhile so you have to make more of a concious choice to keep the spark alive. If you ignore that and dont put effort into styaing in love the relationship will die and you will grow apart
I totally agree! Being in love or rather staying in love is a choice you make every single morning when you get up. The crazy infatuation goes away after awhile so you have to make more of a concious choice to keep the spark alive. If you ignore that and dont put effort into styaing in love the relationship will die and you will grow apart
The difference between love and infatuation is expectation. Love exists without expecting anything in return. It's selfless, kind, and without jealousy. That being said, a satisfying relationship is like a bank account. Loving actions are the deposits, and selfish deeds are the withdrawls. To remain satisfied you need more deposits than withdrawls. When you have a negative balance in the love account you either deposit additional loving actions (freely given) or you end the relationship. If you truly love someone, you won't keep score on who did what. You will love them regardless. The bonus is, if you treat someone with loving kindness, they tend to respond in kind.
If you're sitting there feeling hurt and resentful, and you are waiting for the other person in the relationship to come to you and make everything better, then this is more likely infatuation and it's course will usually run out within 1-3 years.
Thank you for posting this. :) This gives me so much more hope concerning my very fragile relationship right now, because we ARE working it out after just sitting there and letting it go untended. It needs a lot of work, but we still love each other, have the same goals, and after reading this, I know we can make it work.
I'm on the same boat. I never actually thought being in love is a conscious decision. It happens, then you gotta work on it- think MM made that clear.
but is it possible to "love" someone and not be "in-love" with them?
Yep.
Two different things. Just ask any father or long time husband (or wife for that matter). In love is all exciting and shit. Love is simply there like bedrock.
But I feel like an ex who is still attracted to you and says he "loves" you, can't love you like a sister or even just a friend ... It has to be a somewhat romantic love. Yet he's not "in love". It's a bit on the confusing side, if you ask me.
My boyfriend and I reunited after almost 2 years apart. We had dated for three years prior then he feel in love with another woman so ended it with me. At the time he contacted me about reuniting he stated how much he missed and loved me. He failed to mention that he was dating another girl. He told me that he had not dated anyone in a long time. I found out the truth that he was dating this girl for about 5 weeks up until he made contact with me. He dumped her once he realized I would take him back. He also kept a dating site profile hidden when we reunited. I just found out that I never crossed his mind when he was with this other girl. He told me that he never cared about her and he could not fight the feelings he had for me any longer so he contacted me. How come I never crossed his mind while he was with her only when he was alone??