Um...yes you absolutely can tell your boyfriend that you found this out. Even if it is by reading his emails.
And do you know why, honey boo boo?
It's because I'd assume you'd want to break up with him. He's living a lie. Which is his prerogative. But he's lying to you and sleeping with other people. Are you really trying to salvage that relationship to the point where you're worried that he might break up with you once he finds out how you learned of his indiscretions?
If you confront him, he will know. And he needs to know. Because he's cheating on you. And with men. He is actively cheating on you and living a double lifestyle. If you have decided that this is the man you want to be with, even despite this info, then by all means keep it to yourself. But if you realize that you are better than that, then let him know and kick him to the curb.
STAT.
and there are people that read this site that will say, shame on you for reading his e-mails. I say, bravo -- cause there is NO WAY a dude on the DL will admit that to his gf. Obviously there must have been some behavior that made you question his fidelity.
I was young once and realized my husband (at the time) was gay -- and I did nothing. Mostly because it was just a feeling, I had no hard cold evidence. Two years after that we broke up because he cheated on me, with a woman. He married her, had a kid, then cheated on her with a dude. (now THAT'S karma, baby.)
Fast forward 20 years later and, yep, he's gay. Gay as the day is long -- and proud of it.
Don't dump him just because he's gay, dump him because he's a cheater. And DO tell him what you know, he won't admit it without the evidence. Then move on.
And get some gay friends that will help you check out potentials to weed out the guys on the dl. There are too many of them out there, even now.
Good luck.
YEP. Dump him because hes a cheater! And because hes gay!!!!!!!
Girl, he dont want you, he wants a man. We ladies need to learn to go for the guy that wants us. And gay men do not want us. They want to make clothes for us, but thats it (JK).
RESPECT yourself and dump him. He will actually thank you.
Even if he is bi and loves you he is cheating on you. Guys on the dl are much more likely to have unsafe sex - for a variety of reasons. But please, get tested if you two haven't been using condoms.
I hope the world will keep moving towards the time that maybe less and less folks will feel the need to occupy the closet but sympathy doesn't change the reality of the collateral damage left behind.
Sure you could of left when you felt strongly enough that you couldn't trust him to check his e-mails...yet I can imagine you feeling like you might be crazy for thinking such a thing and not wanting to walk away if you are wrong. I haven't been in your shoes, but I have been told before that something was in my head when it wasn't and I wish I hadn't stayed so long.
I'm sorry... It could be devastating to find out your partner has been cheating on you. It's horrifying if it's with other men.
You might go through that stage of questioning why you didn't notice in the first place. But if it's any consolation, be thankful you aren't married to him yet. There are countless wives who didn't know they were married to closet gays until later on in their marriages (and they have children together too). Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, it's just that it's not fair if they cheat with their partners.
*hugs*
Don't just dump him - RUN to the doctor to get tested for STDs. Just in case. Cheaters aren't exactly known for being super-safe.
I was married for 15 years to a man that hid his sexual identity. I found out because of the gay porn. The last couple of years in our marriage he would go out to bars without me or a friend on a regular basis. He never did that for the first 13 years of our marriage. He said he wasn't cheating but I constantly complained about how my physical and emotional needs were not being met. Finally after he came home two hours after bar closing I confronted him and he came out. I was devasted but happy I was finally getting my freedom back. It took years for me to get my self-esteem back and my femininity because I felt unattractive.and unlovable. After five years of being divorced I am still very self-conscious and fight to feel good about myself. I am so happy you found this out now before getting married. Also I got tested to be safe my wonderful Dr. recommended that after I told him the reason for my divorce.
Please don't get the idea that I'm minimizing the significance of his cheating - the fact that he was lying to you about his fidelity is already enough grounds to cut the relationship off - but to everyone here: please do not assume that he is exclusively "gay". As someone else mentioned, he could be bisexual. Maybe something that doesn't necessarily have a label. Let me tell you, as someone who should know, that if a man wants to cheat, it is MUCH easier for him to find a dude to sleep with, even if he also wants to sleep with women.
hmmm, I assumed male poster. "seeing other men".
If I were him, I'd get rid of you for invading his privacy like that. It is NEVER okay to read someone's email without express permission.
Also, just because he's seeing other people doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. I would talk to him about openness and such -- lying is the real problem here.