Well, that and it's the excuse every sleazy guy who doesn't want to use a rubber has deployed, as if his five minutes of pleasure matters more than your health. On some level, you may have felt pressured to not use condoms; for some reason, people in general just don't tend to like them.
I'm not going to lie, it is true: sex without condoms does feel better, generally for both parties. Not that sex with condoms feels bad, mind you: it's still a lot of fun. But there's still a barrier between you and her that no amount of advanced technology is going to completely make up for.
That said, after your first pregnancy/STD scare, condoms suddenly have a lot more appeal. Sure, they may not be quite as fun...but the peace of mind makes it a lot easier to enjoy yourself.
"That said, after your first pregnancy/STD scare, condoms suddenly have a lot more appeal."
Lol, a whole newfound respect for condoms is born.
It might have bothered you because on some level it could be interpreted as him saying sex with condoms isn't good enough, or sex with you could be better which likely wasn't what he was intending-- he just appeared to be stating that what Dan said is pretty much a fact. It could also be what you said but being a psych major I love to assume it's something more (see above). haha.
I might say that yes it should bother you if you didn't say it was a long term relationship and that he wasn't making any requests, but I understand why it might bother you regardless. That being said, just continue to do what you are comfortable with!
I really don't think it's fair to deem every guy sleazy and such because he simply states his mind... I mean, it's not like he was threatening to choke her unless he got his way..
Also, she said 'long term' relationship.. If either of them have an STD or fungus, they should be equally aware..
To be honest, I (am a woman) prefer sex sans-condom. It feels natural and muuuuuch better! Condoms are great for the hotness that goes along with finishing within the boundaries,.. but that's it!
First two sentences, last paragraph = big grin. ;D
Agreed! I don't like using condoms at all since my boyfriend and I started going without. We both got tested, and came up with a contingency plan if we had a pregnancy scare. Sooo much better au naturel!!
And in my case, I was the "sleazy" one who wanted to start having sex bare.
I don't think it makes him a bad guy to mention that he likes sex without a condom. It's the truth. I'm sure everyone likes it better without a condom.
But, the moment you think you're pregnant or mistake that itch for an std, your whole world comes crashing down, & the first thing you play in your head is the fact that you DID NOT wear a condom because it just didn't feel as amazing as sex without. Then it all makes sense, the stuff your Health teacher quizzed you on.
If the condom is that big of a deal (in a relationship) then the girl should go and get birth control and just pray that her boyfriend is being faithful. Because anything can happen.
I think I know what you're talking about by being 'bothered' by it.
It's like a little piece of anger and having experienced it myself, I'm still not 100% what that anger represents.
It prods some of those dormant questions deep down inside:
- How many people has SO been bareback with?
- Is this a manipulative tactic?
- What about STD's?
- What about pregnancy?
- Why should I be the one with 100% birth control responsibility?
- Can he be trusted to not cheat?
- Would this person be there for me in the worst case scenario?
It also brings up the very unfair truth that women suffer more than men in regards to reproduction, ie. birth, labour, menstruation. Biologically, the responsibilities fall on us by default, and none of that is fair.
I get bothered by that!
Personally, sitting down to that 'what if we get pregnant' talk brings up mixed emotions for me.
One side of me is trying to look out for my own best interests, which for now is not getting pregnant. The other side has this nonsensical argument of 'what's wrong with me? why wouldn't you want to have kids with me? do you think I'd make a bad mother? coming to think of it - where is this relationship heading?'.
But that's just me and my quirks.
At the end of the day the being 'bothered' part is the reality that I have to stick up for myself against someone who's supposed to have my best interests at heart.
Maybe it's just me, but those aren't exactly questions I would like to remain unanswered in a relationship. So much of it has to do with trust, and if you can't trust your partner, what do you really have? Even with condoms, there are so many STDs you can catch just through skin contact and oral sex, so it's worth knowing those things.
As far as pregnancy goes, through talking to my boyfriend, I know that neither he or I would be ready to raise a child right now, despite knowing that we both would love to have kids with each other when we wouldn't feel like we'd resent the change in our lives. So that's always something to consider, that maybe it's just the timing more than it's him not wanting kids with you!
But if you feel like you're having to stand up for yourself and this person is making you feel pressured, that's not a good sign. Going without a condom requires honesty and trust, and I can imagine finding it hard to be trusting if someone won't respect your wishes.
It's worth noting that it's /very/ likely that a person who has contracted an STI shows no symptoms, and they could have caught it from another person who had no symptoms. It's a very difficult thing to track, even when a person has had very few partners.
Testing reduces the risk, but there are some STIs that aren't regularly tested for (HIV is usually only tested for if there is suspected exposure, or if the patient requests it specifically), and HPV cannot be tested for in males, though they can carry and transmit it.
I agree with RP, the peace of mind and security when using a condom is way worth the partial loss of sensation. There is soooo much fun to be had in bed, if you put your mind to it, that a thin layer of latex is quite inconsequential. If a long term couple decides to ditch condoms, that's their business, but if someone can't get creative enough to get over using them, ze should be sticking to the five-finger method because ze is way to selfish and narrow to be having sex with other people. :/
As a side note, I'm of the opinion that everyone should have plan B in their medicine cabinet. Generic is around 30$, and you can get it over the counter if you're over 17. If you're under 17, you need a prescription, but most pharmacies will write them for you and "I just want to have it around," is a valid reason to get a prescription. The shelf life is about 4 years.
There's nothing wrong with your boyfriend stating that sex is better without a condom because I think we all agree it is wonderful flesh on flesh. That said, just because you think you are in a committed relationship does not make it so and it does not make it safe to not use condoms. I was in a relationship with someone exclusively I thought for 3 plus years...he gave me the big G, as in gonorrhea. I was mortified, crushed, you name it! Also don't think for a minute oral sex doesn't require the same consideration...ever had gonorrhea of the throat? Was the worst experience of my life. Needless to say that relationship ended in a hurry.
Safe sex is always a must even if you are in a committed relationship. Take care of yourself because at the end of the day it is you who will have to deal with the consequences.