There's an old golf saying that says goes, "The more I practice, the luckier I get."
I don't play golf, but I think this is true for love. So buck up! You've also got the laws of probability going for you. One cannot, statistically, fail forever.
But let's talk about S-E-X. I'd be lying if I said that men aren't obsessed with sex. It's one of things that validates us. But it's a default setting. There are men who are obsessed with sex... with the right person. Most guys use sex as a way to amp up their self-esteem. Getting laid is like climbing a mountain. It's something to achieve. And within brodom, sexual conquest is currency. A cheap currency, but still.
But to say all men are just interested in sex is saying that all women aren't. And women are very, very interested in sex. In an alternate reality, there's a site called Galspeak, and some guy is writing in a question that goes, "Why are women only interested in love and settling down?" It's frustrating. There's so much noise out there, telling men and women what to want. If I could only bellow "SHUT UP" and hope for a blessed few minutes of silence so we can all hear our heart's feeble whispers.
These "terrible experiences" might actually be the universe's way to guiding you to a man who will give you his heart, and learn that life is best lived as part of a dynamic duo. In turn, because he's awesome and you're sincerely turned on, you will give him hot, steamy, naked, butt-slapping bedroom aerobics.
Whatever.
I'm falling in love as we speak. I've been seeing one of the most enchanting women I've ever had the pleasure to meet, and after years of disasterous flings and relationships, it was completely unexpected. I was caught off guard entirely.
Here's the thing; we've been seeing each other for a few months now, and we haven't slept together yet. She hasn't been ready, and I'm not fussed about it either way. I know when it happens it will be fantastic, but I'm in no rush. For now, just being around her is all I need.
Moral of my story is: if a guy as emotionally cautious as me can fall in love, there's a ton of genuinely awesome guys out there able to do the same. You'll definitely meet one of them at some point. Keep your chin up and your heart open. Best of luck to you.
Yay.. Good for you. That makes my heart melt.
Well your not alone in feeling that way. I happen to think that the only thing a guy cares about is keepin his dick wet. Whats important is to never cheapen yourself, you don't have to be low rent just to find a man who'll love you. Love yourself first...and remember... Their only good for one thing
This is awesome.
Every time I read one of these questions, my gratitude doubles for whatever it was that led me to my partner.
Great advice, JDV. You can't only get one side of the coin forever.
Wow....this was a really uplifting answer!
Try changing your type. You might find something unexpected.
Awe, this broke my heart! Most of us ladies have been there - myself pretty recently. There's a saying that I absolutely hated telling myself during my last break up, but realized it's true. "Time heals all wounds." Right now, you're hurt, but give it time and you WILL find someone worthy of your love, who is NOT only interested in sex. There are plenty of good men out there, but this is where it's up to you... You've got to stop attracting the same type of guys!! I know, sounds like i"m not defending you, but it's true... You attract what you put out there. We are attracted to people who in some way remind us of ourselves. If you want a good-doer, be one. If you want a good guy who will wait til marriage, you'll find him at church, not the bar on Saturday night. Prayer helps too - not sure of your faith - but I believe and He always helps me.
Guys do fall in love - some are just as insecure about it as we are. Check out Mannon's response! Good guy. There truly are others out there who feel that way too. They're willing to wait, and treat their lady with respect because they care to know them first before making an emotional commitment (sex) - Yes, I believe that is an emotional commitment. Another tip: FOCUS ON YOURSELF! You won't be jaded if you're focused on how fabulous you are!!! Don't think about men - the right one will come along when it's time. If you spend your time thinking about them and being jaded, trust me.. it's going to show and they won't want anything to do with you anyway! ha. I've been there too..
I hope it gets better! Take care!
Read "The Rules" and apply them with some leeway and common sense. Make a guy wait and he'll fall (see guy posting above). Don't be critical, don't spill your guts, don't be overly available. You might not feel less jaded, but at least you'll have an infatuated, starry-eyed guy buying your jaded butt dinner and a movie on the weekends. :p
This hit home for me! Both the question, and the answer which is something I've been learning for myself a lot lately. I had gotten into a relationship with a guy who seemed absolutely perfect at first, I like to call him a "closet jerk", which is what I always seemed to attract. He was in the Army, and deployed, and "perfect" What I didn't realize at the time was that being apart for someone for long periods of time usually equates to you don't know the real them. When he got back and we settled into a "relationship" finally, it fell apart. It culminated into me being ditched in Reno waiting to get married to a man who was getting drunk on leave in California. Then finding out he cheated. And he was mean, SO mean to me. I heard it all in the beginning, you're my soulmate, I've never connected with anyone like you, If we don't work I'll never be with anyone else (note he got married shortly thereafter) Anyways, point is, I thought this was all my fault. I had done something to change him from Mr. Perfect to Mr. Abusive Jackass..I was so depressed, so down, and felt just plain ugly, unattractive, and stupid. It took ages for me to begin to pick myself up. And oh how I hated men. I was so disillusioned that they were all like this. Luckily, I've been blessed with great guy friends. And you need to know that, just as with women, there are bad and good seeds with men. I have since moved on for the most part, started dating again, and I feel good! I know its so hard to keep pushing forward but trust me, they're not all like this.
Sorry for the rambling haha
men love to be loved
I slept around for almost two years after I decided this same thing. Then I found a man who was willing to break down all my walls of protection. It wasn't easy, but we got through it, and now we've been married for over 8 years. Hang in there!