Oo i hope you keep your baby! If you really don' t feel you can handle it you could always give the baby up for adoption =) i kept my baby & he is such a blessing!!!!!!!

MM is right, it is better to tell him before and discuss the current situation. Like he said it is 100% your decision at the end of the day. But you might be surprised by his reaction, and you could use his support and those of friends and family. I have stood by friends who have made this decision it's not something you really want to do alone.

I wish you the best, in whatever you decided to do!

Though i can offer no additional words of advice,
I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

MM, i just want to say i appreciate your comment that people need to watch that they say. :)

i think the bf needs to know, however hard it may be. (i've never been in that situation but if i were i'd be flipping out as well.) but don't let him, or anyone else, pressure you into a decision you're not comfortable with. the decision is 100% yours. good luck.

Same thing happened to me.

My son is 7 years old now.

I will not condemn you, you know what's best. But as long as you have a good support system (like the father, your family and friends) it's more than doable. I understand that there are some people who just DON'T want kids. Totally respect that. They can be nightmares. But still, be sure. There's no undoing that afterward.

And MM is right. You should talk to him about it. I know some women don't and they have their reasons. But if you don't think he'll kidnap you and hold you hostage for the next 7 months, you should tell him.

Keeping it to yourself will do more harm to you than good. It's like one of those things that would hunt you for the rest of your life.

I have a guy friend who told me he once had a girlfriend (or maybe girlfriendssss?) who went through aborting their baby. Even though the decision was really completely out of his hands, until now he still feels guilty about it. And I have a gal pal who went through it herself. Although she has moved on, there are still times she would ask herself what if she did have the baby. These two friends only talked about it while we had a drinking session too. Kind of like those nights when we decided to spill out our deepest darkest secrets over beer.

Then there was another friend of mine from college who went through it because she wasn't ready, her bf sucked, her parents would disown her and she's just *$&%^#! to even understand contraceptives and what nots (though now we all know they are only 99% guaranteed to work - the 1% is the single ferocious wise and happy sperm that reached the egg). After she had done it, she felt relieved. I don't know how she is now because I lost touch with her, and in her partying ways (she really was young so I'm not saying you're like her, ok?), I decided it was best I let her go on with her life without having to do anything with her anymore (my friends would always call her "The Lost Kid").

Here's the thing... I cannot tell you I understand your situation quite well 'cause I've never been there. I cannot tell you don't do it because I don't have the body that carries the baby; I don't know how it feels. But please, don't do it on your own. If you can't talk to your boyfriend (yet), perhaps talking to a professional will help? Go to a center that deals with this case; your privacy is always top priority in these places and they would probably help you lay the options down if you decide not to have the baby or to have it. Put it up for adoption until you can take care of it, put it up for adoption for good, go through the abortion process, go through therapy, stuff like that.

I know this will be contradictory to "take your time", because I know you don't have much time because you only have a couple of months or so before you reach the cut-off period when you could actually go through abortion (i.e. late abortions can be dangerous to the woman as it poses more risks in the procedure).

Then there's also "Okay, I'm going to have it" which takes us to the 9 months you have to carry it. It's not going to be easy. Even future dads are affected by those 9 months. Your entire life would seem to change, but it doesn't mean you can't have a "life" anymore when you're a mom.

Talk to boyfriend. You'll never know what he truly feels unless you do. Don't slash out the probability that he might also not want to have the baby because he's also not ready. And I think it's only fair since the single ferocious wise and happy sperm that got away was his.

But like MM said, the decision is ultimately yours to make. And I hope someone here who has gone through a similar situation would step up and offer more sound advice. It's always good to hear stories where experience really is the teacher.

Good luck!

"It's always good to hear stories where experience really is the teacher."

- New Status update.

Have not been in your boots, but the other commentors are wise women. Think, think hard, and ask for help from anyone you know that cares about you. But make it clear that the decision is yours alone, that you are asking for support, not for advice.

Yes, the father should be told. If you need someone else with you when you tell him, do that. And if the two of you decide to go ahead with having that baby, make certain that your (and the child's) legal right to support from the father are protected.

No one else can know just how you feel, and what your circumstances are. But we can wish you the best, and I certainly do. Good luck.

If you know that you want an abortion, be firm with the father when you tell him your decision. He should be allowed to feel what he is feeling but at the same time respectful and supportive of you. And recognize that it is in the end your call.

My daughter is adopted and I am lucky to have her but I would never advocate anyone carry a child full term unless it was their idea to want to...

My first baby was not planned I was 20. If abortion was in my vocabulary I'd probly be asking the same question. KNOWING how much they cost i could never afford kids. Today My kids are my reason for living now my world revolves around them. Without welfare I've been a single parent put myself through school while working full-time with no family support. Not easy. I even bought a house and car and finally this year met a guy worth keeping. I did all this for myself the kids just made the life a little bit of an adventure. Yes if you can't handle lives of little people its not good to bring resentment instead of love. God is GREAT. I look back and I don't know how I made it financially or mentally. My kids are12 and 9. I pray for guidance to your big decision.

Whichever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck.

I've typed out three different replies and none of them can convey what I want to say without coming across as bitter. So all I will say is that I agree with MM. Yes, talk to your boyfriend. But, please, keep in mind that it is your decision. Your body. Your life. In the end, nobody gets a say in it but you. I want to tell the story, but it is long and it still hurts. Just know, that I support you. I don't regret having my procedure. What I do regret is allowing someone to change my mind.

My mom got pregnant with me at 16. All I can say is that I have a good life.. even through the struggles. It may not be easy but I'm really thankful that my mom at least gave me a chance.

I have a sister who after a failed condom became pregnant. She gave her baby to a wonderful family who love him dearly and have tremendous joy because of him.

She was broken for years over that and still aches over it twenty-plus years later.

She has said that she would never wish it upon anyone and if given the chance to redo would terminate the pregnancy.

My dearly loved oldest son was a very unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. I would lay down my life for him as I would for any of my subsequent planned children. Though I do not regret my son, I do regret that I was forced to make so many life changing decisions that dis-empowered me financially and to some extent socially.

I understand your situation 'cause I've been there. 9 years ago I got pregnant from a boyfriend I had been seeing for just few months. I made the desition to abort. I was too young, we were too young, my family had taken all their support from me and I knew I wasn't mature enough to raise a kid. It wasn't easy and I needed therapy to go through it. But today I know it was the best desition I could take. My boyfriend was a violent and insecure man and having a kid with him would have been a mistake. I was an immature girl that didn't have a job or any means to support her kid. Today I know that if I face the same situation (getting pregnant) I have the means and possibilities to go on and have a baby.
I can't tell you what to do, but I can share my story and tell you that you'll be allright. Don't let anyone (boyfriend, family, girl friends) gilt-trap you and choose what is best for you.

I wish I could hold your hand, give you a hug, listen to your words ... because no one did it for me. I was just like you ... and scared and didn't talk to anyone. But you did - you came here. Hang in there. It is your body, your life, your decision, but like with every other big decision you're going to make in your life ask questions and find out from people who have been there, been through it regardless what their decision was. Get all sides of all stories before making your decision that way you're informed and you'll know what's best for you. I went through the whole mess of secarios and accompanying emotions. I told the father. He called me a liar...which oddly enough just made me stronger. 18 years later, I have the most wonderful kid who is off to college next year. That's what ended up being best for me. It wasn't easy and still isn't a walk in the park. I wasn't ready for him to be born, but now I'm not ready for him to go to college either. We're never ready for life's curve balls, but they make us stronger. Consider yourself wrapped in good vibes and hugs because I know exactly where you are. Take care.

My heart goes out to you, it really does. I think you should tell him. Part of being in a relationship is wanting to be there for your partner in not only the fun, happy times, but when things don't go as planned and get a bit messy. If your boyfriend was going through a potentially life altering event, you would want to know about it because you care about him. Even if he made a decision that you didn't 100% agree with, I'm sure you would still care for him and support him.

Give him a chance to support you. Whether you change your mind or not you're going to need a support system. Best of luck to you.

15+ years ago my daughter was raped, she was barely 14 - got pregnant.. so many people pressured her to make a decision, all it did was confuse her.. I did what a mother should.. I let her decide.. with information provided.. She decided to keep the baby, however, I became the custodial parent so she would not lose her teen years to be a teen mom... she went on to go wild.. really was messed up for a long time.. today she is married, with 2 more kids, in college and doing well..Her first daughter is almost 15 and able to live with her bio mom.. With my blessings... However... I would've supported her in what ever decision she made.. it is/was her body.. her choice...

Pls let the father know.. best to find out now what kind of man he is then to go on and make stronger the bonds and find out he is not the one to ride the rails with (old saying meaning staying power).. but pls, make sure the place you have the procedure is safe, so that in the future you decide it is time, that you will be able to have another safely..

Many blessing to you..and always remember, you are never alone.. someone will always be thinking about you and on your side even if you've never met them..

I agree with MM, that if you have a morality issue with abortion, please keep it to yourself.
This is about the Asker who says that she "cannot handle a baby right now".
There is no shame in this response.
I don't even think its the BF's issue. It's YOURS.
A few months of dating and an accidental pregnancy is not typically the foundation for a chat about marriage, if you're very young, and not ready for a mature, LIFE LONG relationship.

Though your desire for an abortion may be said in fear and haste, not knowing if your guy will be around, it is a valid position, and a legal one, if you do not have the emotional, financial, familial or spiritual means to take care of a child as a single parent. (whose to say the BF will hang around, so you would need to expect at the minimum, that this would be your role alone).

Not being ready IS OK. It's a mature, reasonable response. It is a responsible decision.

Though there are myriad reasons to have children, for those who are ready, it is a significant physical and emotional responsibility to carry a child for 40 weeks even if you are planning to have the child adopted.

I terminated a pregnancy when I was 20, and in college, just starting my life out. It was the "smart" thing for me to do, with other responsibilities in the forefront. I still have no regrets, and more than 25 years later, have not had other children. I stand by this decision, for myself.

The decision can only be made with consideration of your current situation and where it will lead you to this time next year. Not what "may" happen in 10 years. None of us know where we will be, or what circumstances may interrupt our assumed fate.

May you find peace in your decision.

I was in a very similar situation in the summer, actually I even asked a question about whether or not it was terrible to not tell my boyfriend of a few months about aborting my pregnancy. (It got answered in a blog post). The only difference was that I absolutely knew that he would not want a kid right now. If you're anything like me, the decision to abort was instant, no questions asked. I did not even have to consider for a second my options, I knew exactly what I was going to do and absolutely nothing would have changed my mind, not even if my boyfriend has wanted a child. In the end it is your life and you should decide whatever you want. I have a 2 year old niece who I love dearly, and see all the time so I know how much effort, love, and money you will devote to a child. When I did end up telling my boyfriend, I basically all in one shot said I'm pregnant, I have an appointment to abort it in a week, but I did that because I knew he would agree with my decision. In the end I was glad I told him, because I refused to tell anyone who did not have vested interest in keeping it a secret (I don't like anyone knowing stuff like that because I know one day they will tell other people that I may not want to know). As for your situation, no I don't think you would be terrible for not telling him because I was tempted to do the same and I didn't even think my boyfriend would object. However, I agree with others in telling him, even if it's hard. It's not easy to lie about something like that. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. And just to share my experience of the actual abortion, I found it less stressful than getting a filling at the dentist. I'm serious about that too. My boyfriend had to work so I was there by myself and it was fine, I took a cab to a drugstore near my house, got my prescription and walked the 20 minutes home and felt absolutely fine. Sorry for the super long post, this was just such a big part of my life recently. Again, I wish you the best!

My parents had an abortion. It was years before I was born. Neither were ready for the responsibility of a child nor were they prepared. They've told me and my siblings that they don't regret having one. I guess they could be lying, but I'd like to believe they aren't. My mom has said that she's very glad she had my oldest brother at the age/time/situation that she did. But they don't brag about what has happened, obviously.

The decision is yours to make, but take solace in the success stories at both ends of the spectrum.

If you want to get an abortion, do and don't let anyone stop you. It's entirely your choice. But here's a warning:

I'm not ASSUMING that you are treating abortion like an easy-fix. I know that it is very possible that you have done your research and are ready to make an informed decision. But I want to ask that IF you haven't done the research, please do. I know too many people who went for abortions thinking they'd have an uncomfortable hour or so then be done with it, and were overwhelmed when that wasn't the case. Personal thoughts on the morality of abortion aside, the female body is designed to feel upset when a pregnancy is lost; it's nature's way of telling us that miscarriage is not the ideal. Even if abortion is 100% the best decision you could make for yourself, you'll feel at least a little bummed for awhile after. This could be a couple hours or a couple months, it varies.

Rant over. And I would say the same thing about any other option too(adoption, raising the kid), this isn't intended to be an anti-abortion speech. Abortion is just the option up for question in this situation, so it's the one I addressed. Anything you do is going to come with emotional baggage. It's a shame that you were put in this position, and you have my support.
All the best. :)

Honestly, the most sane thing you can do is put yourself in your baby's shoes and imagine what life would be like. If you live an unstable, so will your child. If youre young, you have to think hard. I think it is your life, but I will be honest. And say that abortion is the best option. The worst thing you can do is to give birth to your child and it grows up unhappy, unlove, uncared for, BECAUSE it was the result of a mistake. A child deserves better. Think about what you can off to your baby. A good stable life (I dont mean rich) then awesome, maybe give it to adoptive parents who will love it more than anybody. But if you cant promise these then dont give it life just to make life hard for them. Dont think about you, think about what you can offer the baby you are carrying.

Source: My own personal experience as child with an unstable family. If given the choice, I would not chose to have been born. But that was never my choice. Wear your child's shoes to make your decision!

I think you should get yourself down to Planned Parenthood ASAP. I realize that for many people Planned Parenthood is synonymous with abortion, but they offer excellent counseling services for little to no charge. A friend of mine in high school had a pregnancy scare (though thankfully it turned out to be a false alarm) and found that the planned parenthood offices had kind, considerate people willing to listen to her and offer medical advice with compassion, respect for her privacy, and absolutely no judgments in any direction. They can help you through the decision, give you advice about how, when, and if you want to tell people, and connect you to more long term counseling resources if you feel you need them. Also, when you're ready for it, they can help you make sure your birth control methods are more effective in the future. I don't mean to imply you did anything wrong, but that 1% fail rate only applies if you use your contraceptives exactly as described in the packaging, and there are lots of little details that most people don't know about. For instance that condoms have to be stored in a particular temperature range or that the pill has to be taken around the same time every day. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best, and I hope you get all the love and support you need from whoever you choose to talk to.

He is totally correct.
Talk to your bf. For many reasons. 1) He should be aware of the consequences of his actions. He can't just impregnate a girl and walk away without a second thought. He is complicit- he should know. 2) Again, you will need someone to get you to and from the clinic safely- you may not be well enough afterward to travel alone. You may also need some looking after- you're gonna feel really awfulo for a while. If he cares about you, he will gladly volunteer, and besides, it is his responsibility to be there for you. 3) A secret like this would drive a wedge between you, probably ruining your relationship. Don't do that. Relationships require trust, respect, and above all, open and honest communication. If you can't talk to him about this, then what hope is there for you guys? If he does decide to be closed-minded, possessive, controlling, or otherwise dickish about it, then at least you know about it before spending any more time with the guy.

I have been where you are at. Finding out your preggers can come as a shock and a scare because SO many things run through your mind. With me when I found out I about went numb with how scared I was. But I sucked it up and told the father of the baby I was preggers (after waiting 8 hours for him to get home) all he said was "oh" and left for 3 more hours :/ But I knew I had to tell him because yes it is your body but the baby didn't make itself so I personally feel that the father should know about it and hear your side of what you're thinking and everything so it can be discussed out and both on the same page.

Unfortunately for me when the guy I got preggers with found out and left for those 3 hours I didn't know he was researching abortions already. I knew I wasn't ready in any shape or form to raise and care for a child, I mean I could barely keep a PT job and my life was not in a good point, so I knew I didn't want it, but at the very least a discussion of options would have made what happened more bearable. He decided on his own without discussing it with me that I'd have an abortion simply just to preserve his "image" to his family, I personally wanted to find a good home to adopt the child out to. The ironic part was that his own sister had been trying for YEARS to have a child and I would have gladly had the baby and given it to her for adoption. It would have had the same genetics so it would have been a good choice but he didn't want to hear it.

No matter what choice you do make I urge you to discuss it with him first because he does have the right to know about the child and he should be taking part in the discussion of what you guys will do. If you're unsure of all the options where you live for what you can do you can always go to planned parenthood or some other clinic and get that info not only for your benefit but his too so he will know it's not a decision made on a whim. However don't let him force you into a choice you know you don't want, it'll be your body no matter what choice is made so make sure it's one thought out for you.

Now I'm not gonna sit here and tell you one decision is easier/better than another because frankly it's not that easy, we aren't living your life nor know of what you seek for yourself and future. The best thing you can do is get info for the options so you know without a doubt you can make that choice knowing full well you have done the research for it. I personally think I'd rather have adopted the child out I'd been pregger with rather than be forced to go through an abortion like I had been. Mostly because I had no choice or say in the matter and I do still have the what ifs and I wonders going on but it's been 5 years now.

There's honestly no way to hide an abortion. I can say it because I went through it. After it's done you can't have sex for awhile, suddenly you're taking antibiotics, needing pads like crazy, have to stay in bed and off your feet for some days and just feel tired all the time and it goes on for 2+ WEEKS. I'm pretty sure whomever you live with be it him or otherwise would notice and say something. And if you do indeed live with him he is going to wonder why you won't let him touch you suddenly and whatnot so honestly it'll be better to tell him so he knows what the deal is rather than wonder if other things are going on.

It's far better overall to talk to him and hear him out on this and come to a decision that works together rather than do something and hide it. You never know how people can be in a situation like this, they may just surprise you. For the longest time I told people I had a miscarriage but I had to stop telling even that because even that lie made me feel miserable because here are these people whom I've known and trusted for years about everything and I was lying to them. But no matter how you handle it it's your choice and one I hope is made with your future and goals in mind.

No matter what you do choose just remember abortions do not impact on any future kids you may want to have, going full term and adopting out also has no impact on bearing future kids. I say those in the physical sense though as having kids or not is truly your choice. But with how adoptions work now a days you can choose to get updates and see how the child is doing and such and even meet and screen the potential families that want to adopt a kid. Everything has info on it easy to get and understand so take a deep breath, clam down a lil to get your thinking going in a good manner and do some research and have that talk with the father.

Good luck and hopefully things turn out good for you~

Yours is a situation none will envy. Stay strong, OP, you can do this.

One piece of advice I would like to give you is get *informed* as much as you possibly can. Making the decision to go through with this is very difficult, but one way to make it less awful is to know exactly what to expect/you are getting into. I would say, try to find women who have gone through with this (either through Planned Parenthood if they offer that or online or someplace) and ask lots of questions. I have never gone through with this nor know of anyone who has, so I can't say what some of the details are that you might like to know, but there are lots of nasty rumors flying around but it's hard to now which ones hold water.

Finally, don't be afraid to "allow someone to change your mind" as long as that means you are listening to arguments for all options, and you agree with the points the person has made and have decided this for yourself. DON'T let someone coerce you or manipulate you into doing what they want. Only change your mind if it is YOU changing your mind. But, I will say, be open and listen. I think there is a lot that we women just don't know regarding all options, so talk to real women who have - had abortions, given up for adoption, kept it, and whatever other options there may be. Once you are sure of your decision, continue to get informed so you know how to prepare (mentally and physically) and there will not be terrifying or miserable surprises.

Again, best of luck You are a strong lady about to become stronger. HUGS

Take it from me, the "Queen of Secrets" I kept my pregnancy (concieved thru a rape) from my boyfriend 20 years ago, and gave the baby up for adoption (it was not his child) I kept my pregnancy from EVERYONE, and as inevitably happens, my mother found out and notified my boyfriend anyway, but also told him it was his child I gave up. I never heard from him again till 20 years later. We actually just reunited about 6 months ago, and this is still an ongoing issue.

He is still hurt I didn't trust him enough to tell him about the rape and the child. I could have had an abortion and made things easier on myself. I was even in the Dr's office waiting for one, but realized I couldn't go through with it. And he is a beautiful young man that I am happy to have now call me "momma".

My son found me two years ago on Facebook. He has met my now again boyfriend, who is now sure he is not his son. Guess what I am trying to say inadequately, is that keeping secrets can cost you so much. It cost me 20 years with the man I love, and will probably take me many more years to explain completely

Your body is yours, and no one can make the decision for you. But your man has a right to know. If you love him, you already know that. I did not tell the father of my son I was pregnant. He was notified by the adoption attorney and gladly signed over the paperwork to relinquish his parental rights. He did come looking for me afterwards, and offered to marry me if I would stop the adoption. I was in shock! All I could say was why would I marry a man that I didn't love, and had violently raped me?

I have never had another child, and don't regret giving my son the opportunities I knew I never could. There have been times, though, when I see small children, that I think "what if", and it makes me sad.

Best luck to you and I know you will make the right decisions for yourself and the man in your life. My prayers and thoughts go out to you!

Honesty is the best policy. If your guy isnt a complete douche he will talk with you about it and not try to manipulate you. If he is extremely tied to having children you will more than likely lose him. Try not to let anyone elses beliefs or politics influence you in this. You do what is best for you. Go to a Planned Parenthood to discuss your options and think about what would be best for you long term. I wish you the best. Good luck, and know you are strong and wonderful.
To MM, thank you for your kindness and solid advice. As always a wonderful read.

I know I'm going to get a ton of down-votes and this may get deleted, but I still want to say this.

Mad respect for Planned Parenthood as far as STD screenings/birth control distribution/general reproductive health consultations go, but don't go to them unless you KNOW you want to get an abortion. I'm definitely Pro-Choice myself and have no qualms with getting an abortion, but I also used to work at a Planned Parenthood. I know there are a lot of rumors circling around the Pro-Life side and people are wary or trusting any of them, but it is unfortunately true that the staff are encouraged to push abortions as opposed to adoptions or going through with the pregnancy. They make most of their profits through their abortion services, and business is business. IF you are still unsure and want an unbiased source to bounce ideas and options off of, Planned Parenthood isn't the place for that. I'd advise you to find some other pregnancy help center, ideally one that does not offer abortions themselves. Try, try, try to find one that isn't associated with any religion(nothing against religion, but you can't deny that most are decidedly Pro-Life) or associated with Planned Parenthood(PP has deals/networks with some for referrals). That might be hard to impossible depending on where you live, but you need to be sure that this is the right decision. If you can't find a clinic like that, do research yourself, THEN go to PP.

That said, if you have already thought things over and got yourself informed, and KNOW you want an abortion, Planned Parenthood is a fine place to go. They're cheap and they'll take care of you. :)

My sister was in your exact situation 10 yrs ago. She had the baby, married the father, and got divorced 7 yrs later. Her child is her world. She had struggled financially since her divorce but the one thing that always keeps her head up, and gets her through the tough times is her child. But do talk to your bf, you may be surprised and find out he's on the same page you are

Honey, you need to do what's good for you. In a perfect world, the dad would always know, but it's not a perfect world. If you can't bring yourself to tell him, don't. If you can, make your point clear that you will not be keeping the fetus. Stay strong. Your body, your choice. It's good to hear that you are smart and responsible enough to not bring a child into this world that you're not ready for.

This IS a tough decision. I think it is wise of you to know whether to not you WANT a baby, and I think it is OK to decide to not have one now. It is selfish to have it just because, and then not properly provide. Furthermore, you mentioned that you have only been together a few months. Just a wee bit too soon to be making babies!

I would def say that you should talk to him first, tell him what you will be doing, and ask for him to understand and support you. Not go to him for "permission". It is you who will ultimately carry your child, suffer the impacts on your body, emotions and time, for the REST of YOUR LIFE. He can just bail whenever, maybe he won't, but maybe he will. A few months is hardly enough time to know his true character IMO.

While many disagree on the abortion issue, I feel it is more responsible to everyone to such a thing if you KNOW you will not be able to handle a baby in your life. I was fairly young when I had mine, and while I do not regret it, I can see how if someone was not ready, it would make for a really bad future for all.

Best of Luck!

While I have never personally faced an unwanted pregnancy, I have had a regrettable scare in which I took Plan B, and knowing how I felt waiting for that period to come I can't IMAGINE how scared and alone you might feel - but I hope you know you do not have to be alone, and those closest to you need to know what you are going through so they can give you the support and love that you need. While ideally, this support should come in part from your boyfriend, I totally understand how he might be the last person you want to tell. I have 2 friends who have had abortions in your situation - and while it was tough and they still carry the repurcussions of their decision with them, they also have their lives back on the path they were on prior to becoming pregnant, and though the relationships they were in at the time did end, they did not end over the decision to abort, which their boyfriends were a part of. Hope this helps, my thoughts and prayers are with you during this scary time

I don't even have to read MM's advice to her...It's totally horribly WRONG.

I'm quite sure that you will decide what is best for you, OP. :)

The original question here, though, wasn't "what should I do with this fetus?" but was instead, "should I tell the boyfriend?" I think MM gave a good answer. I would also add that, if you see this relationship going anywhere in the future, then you should let him know. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy and don't tell him, and then you end up together for the long haul, the result may not be good: if you manage to keep it a secret, it will fester and it may haunt you; if he finds out much later, he may feel betrayed and resentful--not because of your decision, but because you kept him in the dark. So, if you plan on having any kind of future with him, at least let him know, even if your decision is firm and the issue of "what to do about it" is not up for debate.

Cheers and best of luck.

Above all, life will go on and you are going to be okay.

Now is the time for you to surround yourself with people who love you and care for you. They don't need to know, but if you trust them it may help to talk. You should talk to your boyfriend. He should know. Even if you're not going to give any say in the matter, he deserves to know.

Whatever you do neither option is easy, each presents it's own challenges. NO ONE is ever prepared to be a parent. That is part trial and error and part Dr. Spock. It's hard even if you have every resource in the world at your disposal. If you choose to abort, NO ONE should make you feel bad about your choice, especially at the place you go for the procedure. Safe and supportive need to be the only M.O. there.

No matter what you do "coulda, woulda, shoulda" is a game best left unplayed.

You two desparately need to talk this out. It is his child too and unless you want him to forever resent him for "killing his kid" (which how he'll see it if he wants to keep the child) then you two need to come to some sort of agreement. Trust me he will find out some way and the adult thing to do is not to keep secrets.

Let's flip the situation... How would you feel you had decided that you really wanted to keep the baby and then your boyfriend punched you in the stomach and made you miscarry because he wasn't ready to have a baby? This is his baby too and you need to talk to him. You can't take deny him at the very least the right to know what's going on. You owe him that. Be a mature, responsible adult and don't hide things like this from him.

Either way, know that you have choices. Be good to yourself, be honest with yourself, be honest with your man and family, and love yourself no matter what. What ever your choice ends up being, you will need a strong support system. I have seen every available option come true with people I know: 1) Have the baby and move forward, 2) Give the baby up for adoption, 3) Have an abortion. I have also had a few friends that had miscarriages (not saying that is an option). Every one of those friends needed a strong support group in order to survive in every situation. I pray that you will have a tight knit group of support no matter what you choose! Best wishes!

I know it's been long time since original post. But perhaps someone can gain from my experience. I've also had abortion without my boyfriend knowing about it. Actually I've had 2 abortions (not proud of it). One was when I was very young, just out of highschool. Then I discussed it with my boyfriend - and I can honestly tell that telling him made it so much harder. My decision was made the moment I saw two stripes on pregnancy test. And then endless conversations were going on on the topic "Maybe we can make it?" While all the time I knew that I'm not going to keep the baby. It really hurt.
Next time I got pregnant 5yrs later. This time I was also sure that I don't want to keep it. I was still in college, I had just gone to a new job that I really liked. Pregnancy would have ruined it all. But this time I got thinking and analyzing the situation - was telling him serving MY interests or HIS interests? Since I already knew I didn't want the baby (and knowing he would probably want to keep it) then was telling him going to be my way of "doing the right thing" to reduce my guilt? So that I would feel better because I've told him? What would be his interest in it? Knowing that he will NOT have a baby he wants?
I came to a conclusion that telling him does no good. It only hurts him. And I felt I have no right causing him this pain. Since I have decided this on my own, I have to carry the weight of this decision on my own.

After all - having a child is WOMANS' decision. She is the one whos health and career will be ruined. Who has to stay up at nights to feed the babies etc. Who has to give up everything. I think only those opinions should be considered who are/have been in the same situation (or potentially could be). And when it comes to pregnancy then, I'm sorry guys, men are just allowed to watch.

Howdy! Quick question that's entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My site looks weird when browsing from my apple iphone. I'm trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Appreciate it!