A question from a dude. Awesome.
You have two choices: break up with your fiancée, or accept that sometimes a man has to give up the chase. I think there's honor in either choice. If you don't want to be in this relationship, do your woman a favor and don't lie to her. It will dent her heart, but her heart will pop back. Better that, than continue building a life built on falsehoods and unhappiness.
I'm not judging you. I'm a big believer in accepting responsibility for your actions. If the hunt makes you happy, then keep searching for your prey. On your deathbed, you might be thankful for having been a bachelor, contentedly remembering all of your past love affairs -- the hot, the tender, and the bittersweet ones. Or you could be thankful for spending your life with a woman who was your best friend, sex kitten, and consigliere.
Either way, own the outcome.
I do know that in life, you don't get everything you want. At least, not at the same time. You don't get to be a pantie predator AND a prince charming simultaneously. What do you want? You know the answer. We always know the answer. It's just that the answer can be a faint, meek little voice. Drown out every other doubt, fear, or loudmouth rationale and just... listen. Do what that voice tells you to do.
One last thing, though. You wrote that you never had a problem picking up girls. Think about that. You really don't have anything to prove to yourself, do you? You know how to charm ladies into bed. Could it be that you're just freaking out about a future that isn't defined? That is amorphous? The chase is familiar, and therefore, comforting.
Think about that. But after that, be bold. Fortune, and love, favor that.
How eloquently stated.
I think he pretty much made up his mind he's not ready for a relationship, and he's just working up the courage to do something about it (i.e. end it).first step, send it to an advice-column-thingy. second step, let your friends in on the loop. third step, tell fiancee.
but i think it's pretty much a done deal. unless he chickens out and wastes more of the poor girl's time. in the words of DeVore "MAN UP JELLY DONUT!". the longer you actually wait to break up, the worse it will feel for both of you.
"Advice is what you are asking, when you already know what to do." -Words to live by my friend.
What I'm not understanding is, why propose in the first place. I mean if she was your girlfriend of 3 years, then it'd be nothing lost. But I'll assume you proposed to her, why?
Is she happily planning a wedding that you won't be attending? I think you better break it off soon, before she buys the dress..can you believe you can't get refunds on dresses...if I were her and I was at that point, you may lose 2 balls and a stem. You'd never have to worry about the chase ever again.
Last thing I don't get is, do you love her? If you love her, but you just miss the thrill of the chase, then tell her that. Maybe yall can spice up your relationship, change up the routine, cuzz that gets boring. Change the sex, the dates, just try. People sometimes gives up waaay to quickly, try and if it don't work then move on to chase another, another and die of loneliness.
BUT DO NOT PLAN A WEDDING YOUR NOT SURE YOUR GOING TO BE ATTENDING, SERIOUSLY
Absolutely LOVE the answer...
Ummm...
Why did you ask her then???
As an adult, it is your responsibility to figure out if you're ready BEFORE you propose!
*sigh*
"As an adult, it is your responsibility to figure out if you're ready BEFORE you propose!"
Oh if only it were that simple. Even as adults we just don't know what we want. This is called being human.
Wow