Get yourself to your doctor, and get this sorted out, right now. It isn't something like a flu, to tough out until it gets better - it needs proper treatment. Don't be dumb. You shouldn't need some bitter guy on a website to tell you that!
Now, as to the effect on your relationship:
Yes, I know that 5 months isn't that long, and you are reluctant to show a perceived weakness to him in case it drives him off, but what is the alternative?
Faking it? You know how well that strategy works (Not at all, in case you were curious. No one is that good an actress).
Ignoring it? You can't, and he won't be able to either, if he has the sensitivity God gave a slug. Sure, he might not know exactly what is wrong, but he'll know something is. He'll assume it is him, and his fault. We guys are pretty much wired up for that.
So go for honesty. Tell him. You have good communication, you say, so telling him you are down should not be a problem. You know full well you will minimise the problem to him anyway, so what is the harm in talking it over with him in a none stressing way?
Yeah, the idea is scary, and admitting you are human and fallible in the first few months of a relationship really, really sucks. Yes, he'll worry about you. Yes, you will feel embarrassed. I am sorry about that, but them's the breaks.
You can not keep a relationship going based on lies and fear. That sh*t never works out. Give your man the privilege and honor of being your support. To be honest, most guys are pretty damned amazing if you give them the chance to be.
"Sure, he might not know exactly what is wrong, but he'll know something is. He'll assume it is him, and his fault. We guys are pretty much wired up for that." ---> So are women, MM. We are also good at getting paranoid thinking our guys don't love us anymore when we notice a subtle change in his behavior. We're wired up for that. :)
It's tough opening up and trusting someone (especially if you've been hurt before and/or especially if you're thinking you might be suffering from depression) regardless of the length of time you've known him/her. Still, I think if you really want your relationship to work, you have to give your guy a chance and be honest with him. Few people nowadays find someone they could communicate well with, so that in itself is an amazing thing to have with your significant other.
Do get some help, professional help. As someone who's been through depression, it takes a lot of courage to admit you have it. But trust me, it's easier to deal with when it's out in the open. You may not always get the reaction and support you need from the people around you, but what matters is that you found the strength within yourself to even admit you're just human and therefore, subject to emotional/psychological/mental/physical weaknesses.
And keep to mind that the strongest relationships were built because of these kinds of weaknesses/tests. I've never known a couple who didn't go through BS before finally settling down and being really comfortable with each other.
Like MM said, "You can not keep a relationship going based on lies and fear. That sh*t never works out. Give your man the privilege and honor of being your support. To be honest, most guys are pretty damned amazing if you give them the chance to be."
Uh-oh! I accidentally hit "report" button on my own reply. What would happen? lol
It's OK. Passed it on to the web type guys to ignore it.
Thanks MM!
PS to the asker:
When I went through a difficult moment in my almost 5 month relationship - like yours and had clammed up instead of opening up to my boyfriend, he said, "I can't read minds, Faye."
And you know what happened? Bright light shone and I realized my man really wasn't a mind-reader. :) Do talk to him. Make him worry about you, make him care for you. I'm pretty sure he'll enjoy the role, because you know, one day, you might do the same thing for him too.
Hey, the original asker here. Thanks so much, MM, for the quick response and the support. :)
The depression comes and goes, but lately it's become very cyclical. Yesterday I had the epiphany that it may have something to do with my birth control, and I'm planning on switching pills immediately. As for the "in general" type, I've been wanting to get help for awhile, but there never seems to be time. However, I'm making a promise to myself that I'll get help ASAP.
As for the relationship aspect, I've kinda been keeping him vaguely informed already, but I'm so different when these moods hit me from the girl I usually am that I know he's basically at a loss. I don't think he has any idea how deep it goes (for example, after a perfectly fine night with him, after he left, I cried myself to sleep for no reason), and I think I might start leaning on him a little more. I'm a proud person, but it might be time to put that aside. He's amazing. I might love him. I guess it's time to know for sure.
No problem - I know this b*tch of old, and hate what depression does with a passion. I will nearly always answer depression/abuse/substance abuse problems.
Self diagnosing/medicating is never a good idea. Cyclical depression can be caused by a lot of things, so please get it checked by a professional.
Being proud and independant is a good thing. Something that, in an ideal world, everyone would be. It helps with depression too. But don't be too proud to ask for his help, and his understanding. Everyone needs a hand sometimes. Thats what loved ones are there for - to give you a hand over the rocky bits of life.
BC pills! How long have you been taking them? It made me nuts during my first month, and although I've adjusted well with my prescription (I'm on my third month now), I still have qualms about the effectiveness of it (especially since I can't get through a week without forgetting to take one on time).
BC pills can make your system go haywire on the first 3 to 4 months. That's why some women give it up altogether and go for other means of birth control. If you feel this is what's causing you to be depressed (it's a symptom, for sure), you have to go to your doctor and ask for other options or perhaps a lower dosage.
Weird 'cause I feel like you're writing what I've been through during my BC pill transition period. I had my crying tantrum too one night and shut my man off without understanding why I did it. Then we had a talk afterwards and well, we both blamed the BC pills for my unexpected behavior. Earlier on though, I told him I was going to try the specific birth control pills, so if I suddenly have an emotional fit, I asked him to be patient with me because it's one of the effects of the pills. He appreciated the honesty and told me he'll be supportive and he'll stay put when it happens. :)
But yes, do get some help from the docs, and friends... And your boyfriend. It's an awesome feeling when you get the nurturing side out of a man.
I'm calling my doctor today to talk to her about the pills; I've been on birth control pills for awhile now (over a year), but about 3-4 months ago I switched because they no longer made the generic version of the type I was on. Not that I wasn't depressed at times before I switched; that's still something I need to see a professional about. Thank you-- and you, too, MM-- for your concern. I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Go see someone. Make time. There is not enough stress I can put on this. I used to be depressed for no reason, and put it off put it off....then one night things turned ugly and I cut myself. The next day I told my mom and my boyfriend, and then the next day was a blur of phone calls and doctors and it was not fun. I wish I had known to get help earlier so that it could have been avoided. I ended up missing a lot of high school due to the fact that instead of going to football games or studying for classes, I'd be struggling with doctors and medicine. The earlier you get help, the better it will be. And your boyfriend would rather know what is up and see that you are getting help rather than be left in the dark.
Just some advice from past experience