This is one reason why cheating is a bad idea. You carry the guilt and self esteem hit for years.
Stop asking him! Being constantly asked would certainly raise both red flags and my temper. I assume he'll be no different.
Stop worrying about whether he trusts you. He knows you have cheated once, being the beneficiary of it. Start worrying about making sure you are worthy of his trust. Buckle down, concentrate on your relationship and deal with your feelings of guilt yourself.
Maybe she needs to swim in her own misery a little more so she can understand depths of what she did. Who knows…
Maybe she really doesn't trust herself and/or she has strong feelings of guilt still in there- which she's projecting onto the guy.
For whatever reason, the cheating happened and she owned up to it with her ex and hopefully everyone is in a better place now because she told the hard truth. Serial cheaters who feel no remorse ruining lives of all involved are one thing but in this case, she feels badly. Time for all involved - including her - to move on... Will her boyfriend of a year and a half trust her? He went with someone who was in a relationship and is glad she left the other guy. She needs begin to forgive herself...
i'm with a previous commenter, having actually at one point screamed into a phone "your guilt means NOTHING to me". this is the bed you chose, but getting rid of the bed didn't solve the problem, because it left a mark that you cant ignore. it's a character reference, theres that old saying, "if you lie you cheat, if you cheat you steal." and then there's the "once a cheater..." to me it would be a huge red flag, even a year and a half in i would always be wondering when the shoe was going to drop on me. maybe it's a lesson learned for you, but you will have to find a way to deal with the guilt, or past behavior will repeat. if you dont deal with the guilt the right way now, you will find another way, probably the wrong one, to deal with it. like maybe you will look for someone that doesnt know your past and can start with a "clean slate" with you and might end up hurting someone else, again, in the process.
Thanks for the answer MM. I've stopped asking. I've never thought I'd be the kind of person who would cheat on their SO, but I didn't trust my ex at that point and made a bad decision. I'm doing my best to be the person my boyfriend thinks I am!
dont be who you think he thinks you are, just be who you are!
I'm trying to be who he thinks I am within the parameters of who I am. No fakery here! :)
I'm trying to be who he thinks I am within the parameters of who I am. No fakery here! :)
Katie, don't be so hard on yourself--yes, you cheated, BUT you confessed and ended it with the "wronged" party. It's not like you carried on with the cheating . . . and it doesn't sound like it was with multiple people.
If you were unhappy in your previous relationship, then it makes sense that you would do something to sabotage it, to get out. I've been there: I had been with someone for over a decade, but things were not going well and I knew deep down that it needed to end. However, I couldn't bring myself to end it; I kept wondering if breaking up was going to be a very big mistake. After being absolutely miserable for at least 2 more years of this relationship, I started to fall for someone else, and wound up cheating with him. While it may seem like an awful thing to have done, it really provided the push I needed to finally end it--it's like I had gone past the point of no return and I knew that it was not a mistake to break up. I ended it immediately, and while I didn't tell the guy that I had cheated on him, I DID tell the new guy that I had been cheating with him. I explained that I had actually "emotionally checked out" of the relationship a looooooong time prior to getting together with him, and that was the truth. Four years later, he and I are still together, and he has never once mentioned not being able to trust me; I am committed to him and have never given him a reason to doubt me. And you know what? I have never once felt guilty for what I did. The only thing I ever felt guilty about was not ending it sooner with the first guy, for both of our sakes. I never thought I'd "be the kind of person who would cheat on their SO" either, but I guess we all do things that surprise ourselves.
Let it go, move on, and treat your boyfriend well. And be true to yourself. :)
Letta, I'm in that situation now. Your advice is more valuable than you'll ever know. Thank you.