Um, no.
For one, a grown man who isn't a virgin yet is waiting to have sex with the woman he loves is a saint in my book. A saint I tell you.
You're quibbling about porn? Look, sex is a very important part of any grown up relationship. Men (and women) have ugly needs. But you all decided to wait, and that's admirable. The porn you found is just him getting some visual practice on the things he'll do to you once you two tie the knot. Sure he's probably "pastor chasing" but only because he has to release that tension somewhere.
He probably sees you running walking around the house in some skimpy nightwear and all he can do is thinking of caressing that flesh. But he can't. All he can do is let his mind wander until that day when you all can engage in coitus to your heart's content.
So he has a little porn. Big deal. They're all just fake women anyway. I think what you should do, as opposed to getting mad at him, is just let him know that you too get urges but it will all be worth it on wedding night when you two can hit the sack and exchange screw faces.
Cut the man some slack here. It's hard enough (no pun intended) to wait until a woman's ready, but you all are waiting until a wedding. That's beautiful. But he's got needs and he's just trying to keep his sanity.
It was written.
And um, Merry Christmas.
I agree Panama. She should thank her lucky stars she didn't find a used condom, geez. Porn is probably the best thing for this fella. He needs a tutorial.... and an outlet - can't imagine the load that came out of him.
talk about a visual i wish i never had to have...lol.
I really don't understand why people bother to wait. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
i think if somebody's boat was getting floated, there'd be no porn to speak of.
congratulations...you're with a normal man. Men are visual creatures and your fiance can only wank to the picture of you naked in his mind for so long. You should be thankful that he's not out cavouting with other more willing women. You dont want his balls turning blue now, do you?
i'm sure this guys balls have been blue. i assume they dated for a while before they got engaged. he probably has the wedding date circled on his calendar. and not because of the wedding.
I've never understood what the big deal about porn was. I mean, it can be the best place to get ideas from. Once you have gotten married and sex is a regular thing, pop on of those suckers in and try a new move out.
you dont even have to get a tape anymore. a broadband connection will do juuuuuuuuuuust fine.
Nah, don't get mad. Porn is normal. However, since he is waiting to sleep with you... I would be worried that the only naked people he has seen are porn stars.
Normally men have sex, see what REAL women look/feel like (love handles, small boobs, big saggy boobs, stretch marks, thunder thighs, moles, freckles, scars, wrinkles, flappy vaginas, tiny vaginas, HAIR, cold feet, the list goes on), and are turned on by real women.
Porn stars are actors. They always seem to be having a great time, the guys always seem to be having a great time, and everybody wins. Not so in the real world. As long as he doesn't expect you to ACT or LOOK like a porn star, you're fine. Personally, I would find some real-women porn and give it to him :P That way he will masturbate to real women and not expect a hairless tiny vagina and you begging him for anal...
Actually, I disagree. If this gal was told by her fiance "I don't look at porn. I never have, I don't now, and I don't plan to." then she has every right to be mad, since he would have been LYING to her. Similarly, if she let him know at an earlier point in their relationship that she doesn't feel that looking at pronography when you're in a realtionship with someone is appropriate, then he would have been deceiving her by looking at it, and doing something that he knows she's uncomfortable with behind her back. That would also be pretty awful, considering the fact that she's about to marry this guy.
However, if the issue of porn, and what they both feel is appropriate regarding porn, has never came up in their relationship before, then I don't think she necessarily should jump straight to getting mad about it. She should just talk to him about it. They are getting married, after all. They're going to have to discuss serious issues together for the rest of their lives. Might as well start now!
I really hate it when people "villanize" women who are uncomfortable with their significant others viewing porn as being somehow controlling or prude. The fact of the matter is, this is something that makes her uncomfortable, and she has every right to feel that way. If she doesn't want to marry someone who looks at porn, she shouldn't be made to feel like she's an awful person for having such a standard for HER relationship and HER husband that only she - and not us - have to live with for the rest of her life. Not saying it wouldn't significantly reduce the number of men whom she can date if she eliminated all men who view porn for the git go... but hey, she just wants what she wants. It's no different than someone who likes blond haired people more than dark haired people: the fact that they're a rarity doesn't make them wrong for wanting what they want, you know?
Anyway, that's just my two cents. Hope it's helpful to someone.
Men like porn...and so don't women...maybe you should watch a few flicks yourself so your not going in there with no clue on what to do...My first sexual experience was kinda awkward but I 'm sure that had I watched a few flicks first.At least you will understand what it's gonna sorta be like... and if nothing else you can pick up porn star sex faces/noises to throw at him so he thinks he is doing something amazing...just sayin'
This is not an issue at all, Every normal man looks and uses Porn and actually alot of normal women do. I personally do and I am honest with it to my boyfriend. It doesn't necessarily mean we are fantasizing about sex in an unhealthy way but its just normal behavior. Please be confident and as long as its just viewing - that is not cheating emotionally or physically so don't worry about it.
I disagree. Porn hurts, nothing makes her woman feel more insecure than knowing she's not enough for her man. Especially someone inexperienced.
I would say that its not actually the porn in that situation that caused the hurt. its the insecurity of the girl. her response to the porn being involved and the guys response to that will dictate how things go. Porn itself is not hurtful. I get feeling like that means shes not enough, but thats not usually the way of it, and communication can usually smooth that out so that she can feel comfortable, and he can still enjoy some private fun as well. (plus, porn doesnt always need to be private. its fun to watch together) The truth is, it doesnt usually mean aaanything about the mans partner if he likes porn. it just means he likes porn as well.
Why do you people assume its all her wanting to abstain? They made that decision TOGETHER. For him to break it by viewing porn, be he a virgin or not, ho do you know he won't cheat once he gets the real deal too? Because that's what he's doing now. CHEATING. he said he would abstain from that kind of stuff (which is definitely implied when a couple decides to wait) and he didn't. If he was having trouble "releasing tension" as you say they ought to talk about it, he ought to admit he can't wait. he should not go behind her back to look at airbrushed women. For all you that said you don't know why a couple would wait, I'll tell you, it is to establish trust. And he no longer has hers, nor should he.
It's totally not "implied" when a couple decides to wait. 100% no.
What they agreed to was no sex. He's not having sex. End of story.
There might be issues around trust if he's said he won't look at porn, but unless they specifically talked about that, then it's not the same as sex with another person at all. Unless you have very skewed definitions of what "cheating" and "sex" actually literally mean, then there isn't really a problem here.