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Me n this chick were in an unofficial relationship however, we seemed super official. (meeting friends, being around family etc.) So official in fact, EVERYONE thought we were an item. (said she "didnt wna b in a relationship.") Shortly after she gets a boyfriend, and is IN A RELATIONSHIP. wth? Did I miss something?

You did miss something, homey. It's not that she didn't want to be in a relationship, it's that she didn't want to be in a relationship with you. It's the same thing men do to women all the time. And word to Big Bird, unless you all mutually agreed to be together, you all were never together, no matter if you met every ancestor she's ever had and her mother calls you three times a week and every Sunday.

I wouldn't feel to badly about it. She would probably have cheated on you if you two were official. I'd bet all the money in your pockets that her current boyfriend was in the picture when you two were dating.

Very few women do not want to be in a relationship with somebody who loves and cares for them. So if you hear a woman say this, you should know that it means she's not going to be with you for the long term. It might suck to hear, but at least she's being honest-ish. She gave you all the info you needed to make an informed decision. She told you she didn't want to be in one because you said you did. I probably would have lumped her into jump off territory and kept it moving while found a woman to love who'd love me back.

Either way, she did you a favor. Now you're free to find somebody who wants what you want. Go forth and find love.

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8 Comments

prettylady

I've been there when I was 20- will never ever ever ever ever try to date someone who utters the words "I don't want to be in a relationship". Lesson learned. It sounds like this guy needs to watch "500 days of summer". I found it rather informative that- although what I did was foolish and hopeless- what the guy did to me was rather selfish. I think everyone's been in this situation at some point. If someone tries to date me that I am just not into, I try to be as direct as possible without being too hurtful. Everyone would be better off if people were more direct in their disinterest in the long run.

user-pic

I actually had this exact thing happen to a friend of mine not too long ago. We all kinda missed something when she started dating new guy. She was, and still is, one of my friends but what she ( and the girl in your post anon) did is a bad thing. A b*tch move really.

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Man...i was in a situation almost EXACTLY like this one! Just flip the script and make the burned one in this scenario a female, and the ass hole with no heart a guy and we have a perfect paralell.

goodkarmagirl

My story was like Ciera's. The guy and I were too different in the long run. I was a Pisces, and he was an A**hole.

chrocs

"I was a Pisces, and he was an A**hole."
Best line ever. Can I borrow it?

user-pic

Was in the exact same situation... except reverse the guy and girl. Ladies, and men, why do we keep getting ourselves into situations like these? There's gotta be a way to break the pattern...

malorla

The way to break the pattern it to listen and hear it when someone tells you they don't want a relationship, either at all, or with you.
If you choose to ignore what someone has told you, you can't be surprised when what they told you later turns out to be true. Hurt, yes. Surprised, no. Have enough self-respect to not put yourself in a situation where you can't win.

user-pic

OH PLEASE WE WERE NEVER OFFICIAL(not specifying or having "the talk" gives me the right to walk out or do whatever the hell i want whenever i want) AND I GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH MY EX!
GET OVER IT!

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