Previous question is here.
Tricky one. You were on a break, so not together, even though you stayed in touch fairly constantly.
He dated someone else and they ended up in bed. It happens a lot. Sex is fun and comforting. You knew he was meeting other people, that was the entire purpose of the break. To make sure in his mind that you were more than a rebound to him.
You asked him - fair enough - and he answered you honestly. He could have said no and chances are you'd have never known. That is something worth bearing in mind.
I'm gonna call this one as not cheating.
Besides, looks like you owe her one. She made him look good and hard at what he was missing by beiing "not ready." Buy her some flowers or chocolates or something.
breaks SUCK lol they are SO CONFUSING. but i agree with MM. and that last paragraph is pretty key there too so remember that, she did actually do you a huge huge favor. don't focus on what happened when you were on the break, there's a sex and the city line something like, nothing before 'i love you' matters, or something like that. he called YOU said he was ready and loves you, you are shooting yourself in the foot by focusing on anything other than that. yay you for second chances, good luck!!!
Pay attention to the honestly part…, he didn’t have to tell you. It’s not cheating, you weren’t exclusive. Move past it & enjoy the journey.
totally!!
this is all true, and he definitely deserves credit for all that. at the same time, I'm a little wary that he was talking to her the entire time the same way as he did when they were dating ("honey this, baby that") while dating someone new at the same time. not that there's anything specifically wrong with that, but it does raise a red flag to me. maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing
MM....
It was my question, and I appreciate your follow up, thoughtful answer very much.
You're right -I have to see this as the bigger picture....after being with her, he *knew* he wanted to be with me....so I'll keep you posted on how things go. Though I don't know you, I'd like to include you in my "giving thanks" this season. Peace of mind is an amazing gift.
Hope you had a nice holiday.
Chrissie and SilkySly, I've always appreciated your solid feedback also.
Happy holidays.
:)
Not that anyone reads comments after a month or so, but I thought to update this sitch:
We were back together until today...and had planned an entire holiday weekend with his kids. We've been happily doing Xmas shopping, and at the mall he even called my attention to this beautiful ring in a store window...and I saw him pick up a business card from the store. I thought all was fabulous, including sex, which was awesome last weekend....
Its all great until I got a weird feeling this afternoon. Very weird.
Perhaps due to his being distant the last few days, as he has been, as he says, overwhelmed with Xmas stuff and work issues (I know all of that is true)...but I out of the blue did a "search" for someone like him on Plenty of Fish (free dating website) and FOUND HIM ON A PROFILE WHICH HE HAD VISITED TODAY.
I knew he took down the Match profile when we became exclusive, but he didn't have a POF profile at all.
I went down to his office, and calmly talked to him when he came out to his car to go home.
Turns out that he put the profile up about 10 days ago, and has been thinking that he's not ready for a relationship after all (YA THINK???) and was going to tell me after the holidays. Yah, after I spend $300 bucks on you and your kids for Xmas, and we spend all the holidays together making memories, right?
EFFING DOUCHEBAG.
Well, I won't let it jade me from future relationships, but I have to say, that YOU, MM, the other guys and this Guy Speak site have really helped me this year, and allowed me the power of knowledge to move through some difficult relationship challenges.
Though I spent the last 8 months on this relationship, and I'm pissed at how he misled me, I don't regret the lessons I've learned. And hope to take it to the next relationship.
Thanks for being the wise writer behind the shades.
Onward and upward.