Alright. You know you have given me a problem straight out of the starting gate, right? I don't know if I should believe you or not. It's "The Lady or the Tiger" all over again. Exactly the same trap you are caught in, so welcome to the amiptheatre. Chose your door wisely and choose well.
First thing I am gonna ask is "Why lie at all?"
Shame? Domineering parents? You are just really, really boring? A need for sympathy? All temptations to lie about things. And yes, absolutely everyone lies sometimes. If we didn't we'd probably kill each other off in a week.
But lying all the time, that's a disease akin to addiction, and often a symptom of a serious underlying personality disorder. Those things take professionals to deal with, not good wishes and best intentions. You will need serious help here.
I am gonna ask you to comment. Tell me the truth, why did you quit your job, and why did you lie about it. If you are a pathological liar, that is your rock bottom moment - so start by telling the world the whole truth about it.
If you can't tell the truth, you really need a therapist.
I'm not sure why I lie. Part of it, I think, is because I'm afraid of people thinking badly of me. When I was growing up, I was a quiet, shy little girl who was very well behaved and, to quote some teachers "a perfect child". My parents still think that I'm still that perfect child and I don't wanna burst their bubble.
Well, their bubble got burst when they found out I quit my job. It's not like I'm a huge rebel, I don't smoke, do drugs or drink at all or go out partying. I have hobbies like music, art, writing which I do regulary, I just FEEL really boring, like I'm not doing what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing in life. My mum always said when I was growing up that I should go do this and that, and most of the time it was stuff I didn't wanna do, but "all my friends were doing it" so she thought I should. When my parents were my age, they were married and had already had a kid, and I'm still stuck in the same place I have been for I've-forgotten-how-many-years.
On why I quit my job: I worked at a supermarket serving hot food. I want to do other things than serving hot food at a supermarket but I got stuck in a rut and felt too comfortable there. I wanted out, and kept putting off getting a job. And then one day, I decided, that's it, I need to do something drastic or I'll be sitting on my bum still working at Sainsbury's.
I was originally going to tell people about the fact I'd quit, it seemed stupid to lie about it, but then I just kept... not mentioning it. I was scared they'd get freaked out at me about being unemployed. And then, I didn't mention it right up until my last day... and now 2 months have passed and I just managed to not be in the house while I was supposed to be working and so on.
The lying about my job thing was just the thing that got me to seek help about it, though. I find myself lying about tiny things. Sometimes they get a little silly. When I was a kid, I lied to an anime forum I was a part of that I'd been sexually abused at school by a drunk. It was partly for attention, and partly for an excuse as to why I didn't drink alcohol (the real reason is that I don't like the feeling of being drunk, or the taste of alcohol). Just, stuff like that.
I'm pretty sure I'm rambling now, so I'll stop for now. Thanks again!
OK, yes, you are a compulsive liar. You have been conditioned to be so from childhood, and it is gonna take a lot to break that conditioning. You just wanted to be perfect for your parents, and lying is a lot easier than actually working at it. Nobody is perfect, ever.
First off, you will need to see a therapist. I assume, from you saying you worked in Sainsburys, that you are in the UK, which makes things a lot easier.
Go see your GP, who willl refer you to the appropriate speciallist in your area. It'll take some time, you know how fast the NHS works, but you will get help.
In the meantime, use the rubber band trick. Stick a rubber band around your wrist and, every time you feel a lie coming on, snap it hard against your wrist. It isn't ideal, but does help a little with all sorts of addictive behaviour.
Secondly, get a job. Any job, it doesn't matter at this stage. The last thing you need is to be sitting around and brooding.
You lie mainly because you are unhappy with yourself, so work out why you are unhappy and what to do about it. Again, a therapist helps, but you can make a start on that yourself.
You will become very unhappy during this stage. The temptation to lie to yourself and others is going to be damn nigh overwhelming. Expect that, and don't let it happen. Lying to yourself is the stupidest thing you can do, ever.
Good luck.
Hi MM,
Sorry it took so long to respond. I was mulling things over. I've started seeing my counsellor again. I saw her a while ago to deal with other issues, but now I'm talking to her about this. My first session with her was last week.
I'd not heard of the rubber band trick before, so I'll try that out.
I realised that I've been trying, for a really long time, to live up to this imaginary "should" that I've given myself. Like, people shouldn't just quit their jobs. So, when I quit my job, in order to keep everyone thinking I'm this "should", I lied about it.
I start a new job next week, so that's a bonus. I think now, I need help with rebuilding my relationships, and working on my lying issues. Thank you for the advice :)
I can take a lot & help others find the light at the end of their tunnel with any problem they may have…, but lying is a number one deal breaker. I don’t care if it’s with friends or with a guy. I know that’s pretty harsh, but trust is huge with me as with most people. I know it’s a disorder, but when you stomp all over someone’s faith they have in you, it’s hard to put those pieces back together. It sucks & I’m sorry. Other than that, I got nothing…
i am so on that page with you.
One of my roommates last year was a compulsive lier. Sometimes it was bad like, "Yeah, I returned the shirt you let me wear." When it was really sitting in her closet. Sometimes it was stuff that wasn't in her interest to lie about, like, "My friends and I were totally on acid last night. That's why I passed out in the living room" When she had really just been up watching TV and fell asleep. We don't know why she told us she'd been doing drugs, because we lived in a dorm that would kick us out if we were found out to do so, and her telling us that put us at an obligation to tell our RA(we didn't. We only half believed anything she told us by this point). Sometimes it was just silly things like which class she was going to.
Liars need to be jaw kicked to the face.
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