OK, it's the porn thing again.
PORN AIN'T SEX.
Look, I am gonna be blunt and slightly personal. I watch porn, like pretty much every guy ever. It gets me off fairly fast, then, thanks to the wonders of how the male brain is wired, I can actually get some sleep even if I am stressed and worried.
Gotta love being male!
Now, if I am having sex with my lady, I am gonna take as long as it takes to make HER happy, with multiple orgasms and at least one rematch. Your guy wants to make damned sure you are having a good time and you don't think he is in to you?
Sometimes you gotta hate being male.
45 minutes - well some guys can't last too long. You have my sympathy for that.
That said, this sounds an awful lot like my ex, who jerked off with an iron grip to the point he genuinely had difficulty coming during PIV sex (it ended up being only one position gave adequate stimulation, and he whinged a lot that I wasn't tight enough or too wet...)
Also, he tended to treat sex like a high score on a video game where the longer he kept going/the more orgasms I had the better even when I clearly was getting uncomfortable or wanted to stop. I tried to avoid having the "for the love of Pete will you just bloody come already" conversation too often because I knew it must be a mood/ego kill for him, but when your partner ignores all attempts at non-verbal communication or subtle redirecting of events towards his orgasm ("so, what can I do for -you- now...?"), there's sometimes not much alternative.
So I guess what I'm saying is, you can pound away for ages if you like but if it's making your partner uncomfortable rather than pleasing them "stop complaining" is not the correct response.
That said, the question asker should bring the issue up in a neutral situation to see if the guy's intentionally holding back in an attempt to please her or just slow during sex for whatever reason (physical sensations being different and all). But it's probably not a lack of interest...
Sorry, but your description of what you did to end things sooner doesn't really seem that definite.
Let's see, I want things to last, you're asking me if there is something you can do for me - well, yes, there is, but that still doesn't change my goal - and doesn't really tell me what you want.
You need to have a conversation that doesn't take place during sex about this where you get your point across. Try saying exactly what you want. Frankly, if you have issues this big, I don't understand why you wouldn't explicitly state what the problem is.
Porn for most men is just stress relief, a quick fix to satisfy an urge.
But if you really want your man to go in guns blazing, deny sex and porn for a couple of days :)
With sex on the other hand, a couple of things come into play. For one, male ego. Sexual performance is a way for (most) men to show their manlihood (no man wants to be known as "the Flash"). Secondly, us (decent) men want to please our lady, so we make dmn sure that happens. And lastly, it feels just so good. Maybe if you didn`t make the ride so much fun...
disclaimer: above list was made in random order
Sounds very similar to my first boyfriend, except that with me, he never came. In the 6 years together, he came maybe ten times. Looking back, he was terrified of children and had total commitment issues going back to his parents' divorce. He may be totally attracted to you, but this might be an issue that has nothing to do with personal attraction.
I would kick kittens for 45s mins of sex! Better than 10 to 15 and no end game for me...
I would kick kittens for 45s mins of sex! Better than 10 to 15 and no end game for me...
I get tired of women complaining about sex lasting too long... they're lucky it's not 5 mins and "that's all folks!" Take over once in a while and show him how you like it! If it hurts his ego, god forbid, oh well... I married my best friend, the love of my life but sex sucks! No oral (for me anyway) and no other foreplay for that matter in most encounters and it rarely even ends in an orgasm for me, esp if I take over. So I really don't have sympathy for women who get too much sex...
Hey, we all deserve to get what we want in bed at least sometimes, and we all need to make an effort to communicate with our partners to make sure that our needs are understood. I'm sorry to hear your partner doesn't respect or can't give what you're telling him you want (I assume you are telling him?)
But having someone try to push you to continue with sex you no longer want or is starting to physically hurt (as it often will if you're not aroused any more) isn't exactly happyfuntimes either.
Um, maybe tell your husband that?
This makes perfect sense to me... I mean, can't you get yourself off way faster than your guy can?? Give me a vibrator and 2-3 minutes, and you have an orgasm. You know just how to do it, depending on your mood... and the fact that it takes longer with my bf doesn't make my time with him any less enjoyable.
Actually, this used to happen the first couple of times whith my boyfriend, as well. I don't know how long you and your bf have been together, but I've found that with growing intimacy you learn what the other person needs, what feels good and what doesn't, and so on. While in the beginning my bf was taking waaayyy too long and it was truly uncomfortable, now it's just perfect. Maybe it's just that he thinks the longer he lasts, the more satisfied you'll be. Try to communicate with him with body language, and if all else fails tell him verbally.
And as a site note, I'm a woman and I can get off in about 2 minutes by myself, and it takes me way longer with my bf. But hey, it's about 100 times more fun. :)
OMG Thank you! Was wondering same question (sort of). My guy thinks 30 mins is a "quickie" and regularly goes for hour plus romps with moves out of cirque de soleil. After reading some Cosmo crap that said premature ejaculation was actually a "compliment" and that guys who lasted so long weren't attracted to you made me have self doubt.
I read something similar to that. It makes a girl feel awful. Premature ejaculation is no compliment. Could you imagine, "Baby I think you're so hot I can't last long enough to please you?" In a word...lame.
(That's not just a male thing, the masturbation as a sleep aid, btw.)
I'm the same as the boyfriend in that respect - porn gets me off in about five minutes, but whenever it's with a real person, it takes about 45 minutes to an hour. And I'd always much prefer sex. :P
With masturbation, the point is to orgasm. With sex with someone you love,the point is not to rush to the finish line, but to enjoy having a sexual encounter with them. Hopefully that'll get you off, but the main point is sex itself, otherwise you may as well be masturbating.
Plus, if it's taking so long because they're not doing it right for you, then communication on the subject is always a good thing :)
Then there's The Piledriver, the "slam, bam, bam, bam, bam... 45 minutes of bamming later, still no "thank you, ma'am." Believe me, you can't tell them anything, they're a machine, and it HURTS.
One time, I had an apartment in an old house on the West Coast, landlord couple lived below me in the basement apartment. I was woken up around 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. and I thought there was an earthquake, literally the walls were shuddering and there was this constant, rythmic bamming going on and on and on. I finally figured out it was the guy above me on the second floor going at it... again. I went outside the next day and the landlord and his wife were out on the front lawn with their kid, the husband gave me a dirty look and a curt, "Hello," the wife a weird smile, "Hello". The next day, I asked her why they were treating me so standoffishly. They said I had kept them awake and woke up the baby with my noise. I said, "It wasn't me! It was... and I pointed up." She laughed and laughed. Apparently this guy worked in a bar and had a different girl over each night, they'd see them leave in the morning -- but no one ever showed up twice.
Oh you get 45 min of IC and complain? Yes both sexes can get themselves off faster . You have to figure out what it is that is really bothering you. Yes his comments are a bit raw. That is enough to get him to change. Do you do kegals if one can hold a #2 pencil then one can be tight enough!. Yes that takes work and try Tantric sex that will make him appreciate the skills!
My BF took about 8 months to finish. He had not been with a woman for probably 10 years. I was about ready to break up with him. He finally confessed that he watched porn and also jerked off with an iron grip (as mentioned above) about every other day. How could I compete with his iron grip?? He also complained about me not being tight enough. We had a TON of convo's about this. I even cried a couple of times because I figured he didn't find me sexy enough or I didn't have the moves like the women in the porno's. Plus after 1/2 hour or 45 minutes, I was not having fun anymore. He also said he was afraid he'd get me pregnant - even though I've had a hysterectomy. I found that ridiculous.
He finally announced, on his own, that he'd stopped watching porn and jerking off and he finally finished about 2 months later. Ever since we've had great sex. He gave all his porno's to one of his single friends...so he says. But I don't care if that's true or not because our sex life is great now.