I was spanked as a child, and the fear of being spanked was always worse than the actual spank. My 6 ft tall cop of a father would bring out his gun belt and calmly tell us that part of being in a family was accepting that actions had consequences. By this point my brother and I would be crying, and pleading and begging, but we were instructed to assume the position and that crying wouldn't help. Then my father would raise his arm back in very intimidating manner, belt in hand, and swing, only to lightly pop us on the butts. We were then told to apologize which we readily did out of relief and gratitude, thoroughly admonished and none the worse for it. I have a good relationship with my parents and I think they handled discipline as well as any parent. We were very polite in school, had a strong sense if respect for authority but always encouraged to think for ourselves and question anything that seemed wrong. My parents were very physical with us. "Stand up straight" was always accompanied by hands shown us how to stand. "Bend your knees" (I was very lock kneed) was always accompanied by a light pop to the back of the knees, to instantly correct the problem. I think spanking was a natural extension of their physical way of communicating. I was never abused as a child, and I think spanking is fine as long as it doesn't cross that line into abuse. A little fear didn't hurt me or my brother, and knowing that our parents had the authority to grant pain or show benevolence let us know who was in charge.

I think there is a certain age a child reaches when spanking is no longer beneficial, if they're mature enough then I think treating them like an errant pet is unnecessarily degrading. That is just my view though and I respect that different parents have equally valid ways of raising their own children.
As for teaching them to fear authority, I think that can go a bit too far, there's a line between respecting your superiors and feeling to afraid to even approach them if you have a problem.

I was never spanked as a child. The three closest friends I've ever had - from middle school, high school and then college - all were. They were/are the most polite, well-adjusted people I know.

If I ever end up a mother, I'm keeping that in mind. Spanking, like many things, seems easily subject to abuse, but it is not in itself abusive.

I was spanked as a child. Growing up, I thought I was spanked a lot, but when I brought that up with my mom, she started laughing and promised that I was only spanked maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life, and not hard enough to even hurt. I guess it was just the fear and shame of getting spanked that I was remembering. She had this paddle that she always jokingly threatened to spank us with. But my mom always says that she could tell when I did something wrong outside of her range of vision, because I'd enter the room she was in, back against the wall, and skoot my way out with my hands over my butt.
:P
But yeah, my parents didn't spank me unless I did something dangerous, like running out into the street. If I just threw my food on the ground, or something harmless like that, I was just lectured and put in time-out(which, for a little kid, is absolute Hell! D:) I'm planning on doing the same thing when I have kids.

I have a 3 and a 5 year old and they have both been spanked. That has been a last resort punishment only a handful of times and believe me, that is all it took. There are times when children are so irrational a swat on the butt is what it takes just to make them snap out of it. Are my kids afraid of me, not really, but they are smart enough to know not to push too far. It also depends on the child. My son seems to not be affected by it much, time-out works far better for him, my daughter is just the opposite and mere thought of it keeps her in check. I would like to add I have never even hurt them. It's the act itself that's the punishment, not pain. inflicting actual pain is abuse. I was spanked growing up and I have the most wonderful, loving parents imaginable. I have never felt physically threatened by them in a any way. People need to understand the diffenerence between "spanking" and "hitting".

I was beat and abused as a child so this was hard for me when I had my daughter...a huge inner struggle. Her father was adament that she never be spanked, while i was a little more experienced in child rearing (i played a large role in raising my sisters) and more realistic.
The decision I ultimately came to was I would allow myself to:
*swat her bottom lightly after 1st doing timeout 3 times...so as a last resort.
*only after i took a deep calming breathe and mentally counted to 10, NEVER while in the heat of the moment
*if it were a life threatening moment and i needed her to understand the gravity of the situation (ex:running out in front of traffic or something)
*to get her attention if she was being blatantly disrespectful and ignoring me. It would not hurt her anymore than constraining her.
*and ONLY if i were willing to sit down and process with her afterward, if i werent willing to be enough of a parent to process with her then i sure wasnt aenough of a parent to spank, instead i must walk away for a moment and come back.

Its a lazy habit, but it can be effective if done respectfully. If you cant have enough respect for your child to control your temper and treat them like an unknowing little person, you shouldn't have them to begin with and you definetly shouldn't expect them to respect you in return. Kids will be kids, they will be hateful, disrespectful, selfish little creatures sometimes....its your job as parents to teach them how to act, and beating them won't do that. Respecting them and parenting them with gentle guidance and good examples will.
Just my two cents :)

I was a bad child. I needed corporal punishment. Often. I'm glad my old man had the balls to hit me when I needed. Otherwise, I'd be in prison now, or dead.

Spanking is only one tool in parenting, but its an important tool. I would ignore explanations constantly. But it's sure hard to ignore a hard smack across the head. Timeouts? Never worked for me, I have a lively and active imagination. Corporal punishment was remarkably effective in its simplicity; don't want to get hit, don't do wrong things. Like stealing, lying, disrespecting adults, hitting other children, bullying, etc.

In other countries, parents are held accountable for criminal actions of their children because a child's behavior in public is seen as a direct reflection on a parent's ability to be a parent. It is not unheard of for a father to go to jail, because his son shoplifted from a store.

You are a great father, MM! I've said on many occasions that there is a difference between corporal punishment and excessive corporal punishment. However, I've been thrown under the bus for this statement! People have called me all sorts of vicious, ugly names—a child abuser, etc. I made it very clear that a pop on the butt to get a child's attention works very well. (I had several pops growing up.) But no one seems to understand this. I've been told that I need a few pops/hits/punches/etc. to show me how wrong I am, that maybe my friends need to start hitting me to show me the error of my ways! Sheesh! Some people!

In my opinion I'm against spanking. I've noticed the different dynamics between a parent that spanks versus a parent that doesn't. Spankers seem to have children that act unruly (ie hitting the parent back, screaming, running around). The parents that get down at eye level and explain to the child what he/she did wrong seem to have a better outcome. Less aggression leads to a better understanding for the child. Parents sometimes seem to forget that they're there to guide and teach the child. Using aggression at an early age reinforces bad behavior in later life. I've also witnessed better parent/child relationships with older parents with young kids versus younger parents with young kids. Ironic? I think not.
I know some are going to disagree with me and that's fine but at least I sleep well at night knowing my children, as they get older, wont be the next America's Most Wanted.

And I think you are a judgemental prick. While the girl's parents' actions seem a little harsh, I am just as (or more) repulsed by parents who don't discipline at all. It is disgusting and I see it all the time in stores/homes/etc! I remember once parents & a child (he was 7 or 8) came to our house and he started throwing expensive decorations and spilled his drink on purpose. They told him to stop, apologized to my mom, and said "there's nothing else they can do since they don't believe in any violence". Well, your telling him to stop isn't working- you can hit your kid or I'll do it for you! Words work with some kids, but I think the occasional slap is vital. We literally discussed this last year when I was in high school, and almost all my well-behaved, mature classmates had been spanked/hit every now and then. It varied how much/often, but it was never excessive or abusive. A few had even recieved whippings (though I don't approve of this at all). Most of the not-so-well-behaved kids were either undisciplined or excessively beaten.

I was hit as a child. Bopped, hair pulled, heads banged together, just plain old humiliated. I grew up with poor self image and self worth. It took years to get over this but I did. As a result of the way my parents punished, my siblings fought mercilessly. It took years to mend the hurt while some of it never goes away.

When my oldest kids were little I spanked them. I always felt that if I didn't things would get out of hand. I set some arbitrary rules for myself, like I'll count to ten before I react or whatever, but in the long run I felt shitty and out of control after spanking a child.. I knew that if the cycle was to be broken it might as well start with me. I read parenting books and online info for alternate ideas. I totally stopped spanking. I took on a new motto that when I least liked or wanted to hug my kid, that is when they needed it most. I'm no saint but it sure did give me perspective. After a while it became a habit and I felt more confidence as a parent.

My two younger ones have never been spanked thank god. I am pleased that I broke the cycle. My sons wrestled but rarely bullied each other. My two kids that never saw corporal punishment are my two most confident and cuddly- this may not be related to never being hit but who knows. My grown kids are close friends who rely on each other. I just wish I was never hit so I never learned to spank my kids. To be honest, it is one of my biggest regrets. I know that if my kids every spank my grandkids I will be so sad.

I agree with you completely, MM. I'm not a parent yet, but I've often thought about these things. I am not against a quick swat to the butt or a slap on the hand (if the kid is holding something they're not supposed to/is dangerous).

Although I agree with some of the commenters when they said there's a certain age when it just doesn't seem...appropriate or effective anymore. Hard to say exactly WHEN that is; varies from child to child, no doubt.

Great post.

In light of Judge Adams video,

We often hear from those who fight to uphold this practice for those under the age of 18 (even to the blaming of the social maladies of the day on a supposed "lack" of it), but we rarely, if ever, find advocates for the return of corporal punishment to the general adult community, college campuses, inmate population, or military. Why is that?

Ask ten unyielding proponents of child/adolescent/teenage-only "spanking" about the "right" way to do it, and what would be abusive, indecent, or obscene, and you will get ten different answers.

These proponents should consider making their own video-recording of the "right way" to do it.

Visit Unlimited Justice or Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education to learn more and add your voice.

In light of Judge Adams video,

We often hear from those who fight to uphold this practice for those under the age of 18 (even to the blaming of the social maladies of the day on a supposed "lack" of it), but we rarely, if ever, find advocates for the return of corporal punishment to the general adult community, college campuses, inmate population, or military. Why is that?

Ask ten unyielding proponents of child/adolescent/teenage-only "spanking" about the "right" way to do it, and what would be abusive, indecent, or obscene, and you will get ten different answers.

These proponents should consider making their own video-recording of the "right way" to do it.

Visit Unlimited Justice or Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education to learn more and add your voice.

look at the animal kingdom... if a kitten or a puppy or whatever gets out of hand, the mama doesnt put her offspring in a time out. she swats it. same goes for the human variety.

there is a fine line between beating and punishment when it comes to physical discipline.

my nieces are freakin terrors when theyre at home with their parents because they get away with everything. no manners, no respect. just screaming matches between them and their parents. sometimes i cant tell which ones are the adults and which are the kids its so damn ridiculous. when they are with me on the weekends, they know i won't hesitate to spank them for getting out of line. i address the situation, asked them what they did wrong and then they are spanked. you don't just spank them and tell them "no'. they won't understand. but the thing is, if you explain it, they know better. i havent had to spank them in two years. they know to say "yes ma'am and "no ma'am" and the "yes sir" and "no sir", their "please" and "thank you". they are so well behaved in and out of stores. i don't have to worry about them freakin out because they want something. they know that they will be rewarded for their good behavior. spanking has different impacts on kids. growing up, my brother and i were spanked and we also had an abusive step father who beat us. my brother lumped them together and prefers to let his kids actions go unaccounted for 90% of the time. i believe that spanking is necessary. i dont know how to explain anymore. if you do spank your kids, hug them right after so they know they're still loved. if you use a switch or any object, test it on your leg first. i know it's hard, i cried every time i spanked my girls but i know that deep down, they are learning to be accountable. to listen and how to be respectful. they learn that there are consequences for their actions. and please, stop spanking your kids in public. discipline starts in the home. i know kids melt down, leave the store. threatening them through the aisles and beating them at the ends just makes it awkward for everyone.

On the same track as Aimee's post.
I raised horses for many years. I studied their inter"personal" relationships as another tool in how to train them. As one of the "herd", I needed to know how to successfully discourage bad behavior the way one of their own would. If you want to teach a stallion manners, put him out with a herd of pregnant mares. He will learn very quickly how to behave.
They don't reason with him.
They don't try to gently discourage his stupidity.
They kick the ever loving crap out of him.
It only takes a couple of times and he figures it out.
Now, on the other side of the coin; the foals. The mother is very gentle with her foal the first few days. She lifts her leg if he gets to rowdy while nursing..pushes her muzzle into his side.
By day three, she nips his hind end if he is too rough.
She allows horseplay when she allows it. When enough is enough, a nip to the hind end or neck...and he knows.
By the time the foal is 3 months old, he is treated as such. She is a little more inclined to "hop" on her back end towards him if he steps out of line (Indicating a kick is soon to follow) and by the time he reaches a year, if he steps out of line it is both barrels (full on 2 legged kick) to wherever it lands.
So, in using the example of the animal, who must listen to survive, we can effectively learn how to discipline our own children.
We don't spank a 6 month old, but a 6 year old, on the other hand, may be best taught by a pop to the behind.
We also use the least amount of pressure possible. Sometimes a nudge with the muzzle works, but sometimes both barrels is necessary.
Of my three children, only one responded to "the talk", my girl. My boys were 100 miles away within 15 seconds of "explaining" what they had done wrong and why they couldn't do it again. A pop on the hind end was much more effective.
Common sense is a wonderful thing. We are human animals. If we'd stop over analyzing things and just parent instinctually, we'd have a lot fewer disrespectful, a$$hole kids in the world.