Flattery will always at least get your question looked at.
I am gonna bang down hard into stereotype city here. The most fear inspiring thing in the English language is not a shotgun in the hands of a child, or a spider, or clowns, or Donald Trump's hair - it is the mother-in-law. Any mother-in-law.
They are terrifying.*
Guys know this. We deal with the fear by having a rich culture of mother-in-law jokes that stretch back to before humanity tamed fire.
Oogina: "Oog, come quickly, a sabre tooth tiger has Mother trapped in the cave!!"
Oog: "Why should I care what happens to a damned cat?"
What shocked me, though it shouldn't have, is how evilly malicious the other side of the coin is.
You will never be good enough. Accept that now. If you convert, it'll be how observant you are. Then how you raise the kids, or how you cook, or how you sometimes put your career before his comfort, or how you take too long in the shower and never clear the drain afterwards. You are married to her baby boy, and she still wants to be in charge. She knows what is best for him, she changed his diapers.
It is balls. Her baby boy, assuming he went the fairly orthodox route, has officially been a man with a man's duties since he was 13. He is head of his own household now, not part of hers. (Re-reading that, yes, it sounds terribly sexist. Sorry bout that. I assume you have a pretty much equal partnership, like most sensible couples.)
Fortunately, you are married to your husband, not her. His family slide in as part of the package, like that revolting serving dish they gave you as a wedding present that you only get out when they visit, but they have zero say in what goes on in your house. You don't let your parents interfere, right? So don't let them.
It is annoying, but I am gonna say ignore it. Don't try to fix it, don't even discuss it with your husband at the moment. Just forget about it for the time being.
It will keep the peace in your home, and has the additional bonus of driving her wild with fury.
* (Non te, Mamma. Baci!!)
Ahhh...MM, this was the perfect answer. My fiance's mom treats me almost exactly the same way. And I know it's because she's threatened that she is no longer the primary woman in his life.
The other suggesting will just be to kill her with kindness. That's what I do with my mother-in-law-to-be. I know she can't stand me......so, I go out of my way to thank her for having me in her home. I eat her signature dishes (no matter how revolting they are to me) and rave about them. I ask her for advice on cooking a dish I could make in my sleep. It's all about playing the game the best way you can in order to keep your sanity!
What about giving her a time out. Each time she does something that is abusive which I consider her behavior, refuse to see her and if kids are in the picture don't let her see your kids. Would you really want to have such an intolerant women having access to potentially rubbing off on your kids with her values?
Hopefully your husband would be on board with that but if he thinks the abuse is acceptable that would be a big problem that would need to be addressed. You are not obligated to have @ss holes in your life just because they share some similar DNA.
Wow, good luck.
No no no.. NEVER ever use children as weapons in adult battles. Not ever.
Life will bring enough bullshit to the kids, don't go adding more to it. GEEZ
I'm sure too she only applies those rules to in-laws...
Just want to make it clear. It isn't a religion thing. It is a dominance thing. My own dear mother - Protestant - is just as bad, if not worse.
religion sucks.
I guess I have been lucky...my past and present mothers-in-law have been great!
Just wanted to shout out to MM on another fantastic, balls on answer.
I tried assimilation into another culture; I lost my identity and still wasn't good enough...
Good luck ....
Observant Jew speaking. If he was brought up religious, his mom may take serious issue with you being Roman Catholic; more observant Jews place a premium on marrying within the faith. What does your gut say? Do most of her issues with you stem from the fact that you're not Jewish, or is she the type for whom no woman could ever be good enough for her precious little boy? Either way take MM's advice and be extra nice to her when you have to deal with her, but while you have some chance of winning her over if she's just domineering, if it's the religion thing the best you can hope for is a grudging peace once she realizes that neither you nor your Roman Catholicism are going anywhere.
She's very domineering. the issue has been going on for years and I just don't understand why it's even a problem anymore. She's also said I'm not nearly close to what she "pictured" for her son to marry which is a blessing in itself because I'm sure who she "pictured" (cause she's right out told me) doesn't even exist.
Thanks MM, funny thing is my mother-in-law stopped by our house after Thanksgiving and began ridiculing the set up and the lack of anything Jewish. I'm proud to say my husband stood up for me and told her to back off cause I'm not Jewish (and that she's known that for 5 years now). She hasn't mentioned the Judaism thing since, she's as quiet as a peach when it comes to mine and her future grandson's (4 more months!) religion! Problem fixed!