MM, you probably think this is a weird, unanswerable question... but is it possible for me to be JUST friends with an ex who wants to be FWB? I like him, but I'm not comfortable hooking up with him w/o a commitment. We ended mutually, but it was mostly his idea. Thoughts?
Mystery Man answered Platonic 's question on
September 6, 2011 1:29 AM
So, you want a FWOB. As in 99% of the friendships that exist anywhere.
Don't be dumb - of course you can just be friends with him. You don't want to hook up, don't. No one is forcing you.
Of course, you are gonna find out fast if he actually likes you or just your body and convenience.
You ready for that?
In my opinion, he's either using the idea of FWB to try and get back with you, or, he just wants to use you.
If you choose to associate with him platonically, be mindful of his actions that would indicate his underlying motives.
Thank you for answering me, MM. But if I was "dumb" enough to actually go along with the FWB thing, is it a good idea to tell him I just want to be friends now, or should I just do it by declining any invitations that could lead to hooking up?
Tell him. Friends only, no sex. Unless it is you who are the one who needs the closeness of sex.
You gotta set boundaries from the start. Especially since you know he wants a FWB deal. If you think he can accept your boundaries, then no problem. If you think he's going to try push you, or, if you think you might be tempted, it might be better to keep the distance, for now at least.
Thank you for the reply. I feel as though it would be an odd thing to tell him though. He defined us as "friends" but without the "benefits" disclaimer afterwards. However, he does treat me as if we were FWB, though our title is "friends". I'm not sure how to approach this.
Mr. X you sound like my best friend!
Mr. X you sound like my best friend!
Aw, thanks. Who knows, perhaps we know each other! Anyway, do hope it all goes well for you.